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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25969645">Reluctant Heroes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/labyrus379/pseuds/labyrus379'>labyrus379</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Discovery</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Injury Recovery, Klingon, Major Character Injury, Mirror Universe (Star Trek), Philippa Georgiou Lives, Slow Burn, USS Discovery (Star Trek), USS Shenzhou (Star Trek)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:00:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>69,342</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25969645</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/labyrus379/pseuds/labyrus379</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"The best heroes in the world are the reluctant ones. Courage isn't fearlessness-it's acting in the face of fear." <br/>~ Tess Gerritsen</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Katrina Cornwell &amp; Philippa Georgiou, Michael Burnham/Philippa Georgiou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>112</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Battle of the Binary Stars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my first ever attempt to write so all feedback and guidance are welcomed. English aside, I'm struggling to be original if that's even possible. Most of the time it felt like I'm just grabbing pieces of what I have read or heard somewhere else. Or that I am rewriting variation of the same thing. My apologies, any attempt to plagiarize is unintentional.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Federation-Klingon war had been raging for 6 months 11 days. It started in an uninhabited binary star system 6 light years from Gamma Hydra. The Klingon leader T’Kuvma was deeply suspicious of the expanding United Federation of Planets and regarded the Federation as a threat to Klingon culture and identity. The confrontation between Klingons and Starfleet could not have been avoided. T’Kuvma had wanted a war and deliberately provoked the confrontation.</p><p>Captain Philippa Georgiou had been involved in every Federation conflicts in the 23<sup>rd</sup> century, the Battle of Donatu V, the mass execution of colonists on Tarsus IV, the Battle of Axanar to name a few. In battle Captain Georgiou had a ruthless reputation, not one she was proud of but one she had earned nonetheless. Philippa Georgiou could have her pick of federation starships but she chose the USS Shenzhou a Walker-class vessel with aging design and out of date technology. The USS Shenzhou was supposed to be Philippa’s refuge from war and conflict, allowing the captain to pursue her true passion in space exploration. She had eight glorious years of peace and space exploration which was abruptly brought to an end by yet another conflict.</p><p>The USS Shenzhou responded to a distress call from the USS Yaeger coming from the binary star system. When the Shenzhou dropped out of warp, the battle was already well on its way. Twelve other Starfleet vessels had responded to the distress call and were engaged in fire with various Klingon starships. The Yaeger had sustained heavy damage and was drifting towards a collision course with a large asteroid. Moments from impact, the Shenzhou intervened pulling the Yaeger to safety with a tractor beam allowing the crew sufficient time to evacuate.</p><p>A new wave of Klingon reinforcements warped into the system but only a handful of starships arrived. The majority of Federation fleets were too far to be able to get there on time. Starfleet vessels were greatly outnumbered and taking heavy losses. Philippa knew it was only a matter of time before all remaining Starfleet vessels would be obliterated. There were no admirals aboard any of the remaining vessels. Even though the Shenzhou was not the vessel with tactical superiority, Starfleet Command gave Captain Philippa Georgiou commanding authority over the remaining fleet. Starfleet could not win this battle nor sustain more loss. Captain Georgiou ordered all remaining Starfleet vessels to retreat to minimize casualties. In an unconventional and risky move, Philippa transported a small team onto the drifting USS Yaeger while Starfleet vessels retreated. With victory in hand, the Klingons departed and only T’Kuvma flagship the Sarcophagus remained.</p><p>Captain Philippa Georgiou and her team which consisted of first officer Commander Michael Burnham, chief of security Commander Ellen Landry and tactical officer Lieutenant Gen Rhys observed the Klingon starship from aboard the USS Yaeger.</p><p>“They are collecting their dead, Captain.” It was Commander Burnham who voiced out.</p><p>“I believe this presented us with a unique opportunity, Number One.” Captain Georgiou already conceived a plan. Despite her distaste for hostile conflicts, the seasoned captain was regarded as one of Starfleet most brilliant war strategists.     </p><p>“What are you thinking Captain?” Commander Landry asked.</p><p>“Lieutenant Rhys, how many functional photon torpedos do we have on board?” Philippa turned to Lieutenant Rhys putting her plan into motion.</p><p>“Computer indicated two functional photon torpedos, Captain.” Lieutenant Rhys was glad the internal system on the Yaeger was still at least partially functional.</p><p>“We are going to attach our photon torpedo warheads onto the bodies of the dead Klingons and detonate them when the bodies are tractored into the Klingon starship.” Philippa laid out the plan to her team.</p><p>“That is brilliant, Captain.” Michael was truly in awe with her captain. It was not the first time and would not be the last. In the seven years that Michael had served under Captain Philippa Georgiou, Michael had been beyond impressed with her captain. Philippa was insightful, objective, analytical, resourceful and a critical thinker. She was also empathetic, compassionate, wise and humble. The captain was an enigma of contrasting qualities and values. An alluring mystery as fascinating and complex as the space they were exploring.       </p><p>“That is not all I have planned, Number One.” Philippa transmitted a series of orders to the Shenzhou on a secured channel while the rest of the team worked on getting the photon torpedo warheads attached.  </p><p>The first warhead detonated severing a section of T’Kuvma flagship. Captain Georgiou and Commander Burnham took the distraction to beam on board their enemy’s vessel. The plan was to take the Klingon protagonist T’Kuvma prisoner. However they were ambushed minutes after they boarded and in the fight that ensued Philippa got separated from Michael. She recognised the Klingon Michael was fighting on the upper platform as T’Kuvma himself. Philippa and Michael were skilled hand-to-hand combatants but Klingons were physically a superior alien race.</p><p>Philippa was knocked down a few times but finally managed to overcome her attacker, reached for her phaser and fired a kill shot. She saw Michael struggling in her fight with T’Kuvma but could not get a clear shot from her position. Philippa ran up the stairs and reached the top of the platform just as she saw Michael dropped to her knees when the tip of T’Kuvma’s mek’leth sliced across her left thigh. Without hesitation, Philippa aimed and shot T’Kuvma in the back of his head killing him instantly. She ran towards Michael her communicator already in hand.</p><p>“I’m okay, Captain. It’s not that bad.” Michael tried to reassure her captain, her hands were pressed tightly against the bleeding wound on her thigh.</p><p>“Lieutenant Rhys, beam us out of here now.” Philippa and Michael disappeared in a golden hue just as a group of Klingon guards appeared.</p><p>When they re-materialised back on the Yaeger, the second warhead detonated inflicting heavy damage to the Klingon starship. Three Starfleet vessels including the USS Shenzhou dropped out of warp and started firing at the Sarcophagus in succession. Explosions ripped through the Klingon vessel and escape pods were launched. Two more Starfleet vessels dropped out of warp targeting all their pulse phaser cannons at the escaping pods. In less than five minutes, the Sarcophagus was completed destroyed and only a handful of the escape pods managed to get away. The team was transported back onto the Shenzhou and Michael’s injury was attended to by Dr Nambue.</p><p>The confrontation was later coined the Battle of the Binary Stars. The Federation lost 11 starships and 8,186 lives that day. The Klingons had officially declared war, attacking space stations, outposts and settlements across Federation space. Starfleet defended and fought back valiantly but the Klingons were vicious and merciless. Captain Philippa Georgiou became Starfleet poster child inspiring hope in a war that the Federation seemed to be gradually losing.      </p><p>After the Battle of the Binary Stars, it was easy to understand how the captain got her reputation for being ruthless in battle. There were even a few admirals who thought Captain Georgiou’s actions at the binary star system were too extreme and not in accordance with the Federation ethics, her killing of T’Kuvma unjustified and her orders to fire on the escape pods inhumane. The crew of the USS Shenzhou knew the woman behind the reputation especially Michael Burnham. The captain took upon the burden of war out of great compassion, sparing others the need to make impossible decisions that demanded the compromise of fundamental universal values. Philippa Georgiou took on the burden of as many as death as possible for the Starfleet she loved so dearly. She wanted to spare as many good and honest Starfleet officers from having to sacrifice their humanity in the name of war. So Philippa Georgiou sacrificed her own soul instead.</p><p>Michael Burnham stood by her captain and watched the war progressively took its toll on her. Philippa was sleeping less and constantly plagued by nightmares and fatigue. A few times Michael was forced to intervene before Philippa pushed herself to the verge of collapse. Michael’s heart ached painfully for her beloved mentor, her dear friend. Something needed to be done before she lost her captain completely.</p><p>****</p><p>Investigating a potential warp trail, the Shenzhou found itself at the edge of an asteroid belt in the Rigel system. They decided to take the shuttle which was easier to navigate through the asteroid field and chanced upon an unsuspecting Klingon warship. The Klingon vessel appeared to have sustained damage and was hiding in the asteroid field for repair. Starfleet had long developed in its possession a spying device that could download information from the Klingon computer system. However, the device had only been used once before successfully because it was almost impossible to board any Klingon vessels surreptitiously.</p><p>Both the captain and the first officer recognised the rare opportunity that presented itself here. Philippa allowed Michael to take lead and plan out the mission. It was a risky plan but they desperately needed to turn the tide in this war. Michael and Commander Landry were to take the EV suits with all electronic devices disabled and hopefully tricked the Klingon warship’s sensors into mistaking them for rock debris from the asteroid field which would allow them to sneak on board the vessel undetected. Captain Georgiou would take the shuttle back to the Shenzhou and coordinate a retrieval team in precisely 60 minutes. The captain agreed to the plan with only one change. Philippa would go with Michael and Commander Landry would take the shuttle back to the Shenzhou. Michael wanted to protest but time was of essence to them. They could not know how long the Klingon warship would remain exposed. That was how Captain Philippa Georgiou and Commander Michael Burnham found themselves in the current predicament aboard a Klingon warship.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Mission Gone Awry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Philippa Georgiou’s instinct had always been to protect those in her care. Her devotion to Starfleet and to her crew was legendary. She had made sacrifices over the years and had known a life of loss. More often than she liked, she was forced to put the lives of many above the lives of few. But she had always easily put the lives of many above her own. Perhaps this was simply another one of those times but if Philippa wasn’t such a coward when it came to the matter of the heart she would have admitted to herself it was more than that. It often was when it came to her first officer Michael Burnham. It went beyond her duty as a captain, beyond her obligation as a mentor, beyond her concern as a friend. Philippa Georgiou would do everything within her power and then some for Michael Burnham.  </p><p>There were two dead Klingon guards by the entrance, another next to Michael. Philippa lay unmoving at the other end of the room. When the fourth Klingon approached Philippa, Michael saw what he held in his hand. It was a kut’luch. A dagger traditionally used by Klingon assassins often laced with poison and frequently twisted while still inside its target to inflict as much pain and damage as possible. Everything happened so quickly after that and all Michael could do was watch. Being helpless was something Michael thought she had left behind in her past. Ever since her parents were killed by the Klingons at the Vulcan science outpost in Doctari Alpha, Michael had vowed never to be helpless again. She had worked and trained harder than any humans or Vulcans under the foster care of Ambassador Sarek and Lady Amanda Grayson. Still Michael was completely helpless again as she watched the Klingon attacked Philippa.</p><p>Philippa regained consciousness abruptly. Years of training and honed instincts were her saving grace. Within a second of regaining consciousness, Philippa was immediately aware of her surroundings and sensed rather than saw the approaching Klingon. Despite the phaser burn on her left shoulder and other injuries she did not have time to catalogue, Philippa was able to get on her feet in one swift movement and started fighting with the Klingon. She managed to disarm the Klingon using a defensive martial art move and kicked him so hard in the chest he fell backwards crashing hard into the panels along the wall. Philippa took the opportunity to run towards Michael where her phaser lay on the floor a few meters away. The phaser was within reach when she chanced a glance in Michael’s direction and saw Michael’s wide frightened eyes.</p><p>Michael’s warning shout came too late. It did not matter anyway because Philippa would not have heard her from outside the energy field Michael was trapped in. The Klingon had recovered faster than expected and was holding on to the kut’luch. When Philippa turned to face the Klingon, she was met with the cold tip of the Klingon dagger puncturing her uniform and slicing into her left abdomen. Her attacker twisted the kut’luch before pulling it out roughly. Philippa gave out a sharp cry and with the adrenalin rush and her body and mind being in a state of shock more than pain she kept fighting somehow. Philippa did not have sufficient knowledge of Klingon anatomy and their fighting styles to strategies her next move so her only option was to treat her attacker as a human. She drove two successive punches into her attacker’s jugular notch. The Klingon stumbled and dropped his kut’luch, both hands reaching for his neck. Mustering all her energy she did a roundhouse kick and slammed her feet into the side of the Klingon’s head. The Klingon went down and so did Philippa. Philippa scrambled unsteadily on all four and reached for the Klingon’s dagger. She sank the blade into the Klingon’s neck and twisted it making sure she completely eliminated the threat this time. Despite her battle reputation killing had never come easy for Philippa. She believed it was against human true nature to take another life. Hence, every death took its toll, weighing heavily on her mind and soul.</p><p>She tried to stand up forgetting her wounds but was quickly brought down to her knees. Her body refused to cooperate. Philippa looked up and saw Michael inside what appeared to be some sort of torture chamber. Michael was engulfed in stream of blue light. Michael was on her knees, her body hunched forward and appeared to be in great pain. Her feet were chained to the floor and her wrists were cuffed in front of her. She could not see if Michael had sustained any physical injuries. She knew she needed to get to Michael and help her no matter the pain she herself was in. She took a deep breath, forced away the pain and pushed herself up. She almost went down on her knees again from the searing pain on her side. Her inside felt like molten lava. Every inch of her abdomen hurt. The pain from the damage inflicted by the kut’luch was excruciating. Philippa didn’t remember when was the last time she had been this injured or felt this level of pain. She clenched her jaws nonetheless and started stumbling towards Michael. Every step took so much energy. Her skin felt clammy and her breathe laboured. She was sweating profusely liked she often was after an intense sparring session with Michael. She blinked a couple of times to clear her vision. It was getting hard to focus but she managed to grab her phaser and destroyed the control panel next to the chamber.</p><p>“Number One, haven’t I told you to stay away from Klingons?” She was rewarded by a small smile on Michael’s face. When the blue stream of light dissipated, the pain relief was immediate. Fortunately for Michael, the chamber only caused simulated pain and no actual physical injury. However, the physiological stress still left her weaker than usual. She struggled and tried to get on her feet.</p><p>“Michael...stop…wait...” It pained Philippa seeing Michael in distress. She knelt down in front of Michael, set the phaser to cutting beam and started working on the cuffs. She was almost through with one cuff when she suddenly dropped the phaser, collapsed onto her side and finally rolled onto her back. With the adrenaline from the fight fading and the blood loss, her body was starting to go into hypovolemic shock.</p><p>“Philippa!” Michael panicked as she watched Philippa collapsed in front of her.</p><p>“It’s okay Michael…just…just give me a minute...” Philippa tried unconvincingly to assure Michael. It was getting difficult to breathe. Every breath brought a new wave of stabbing pain in her chest. She coughed a few times, blood spilling out of her mouth, another blood puddle forming under her torso. Philippa didn’t even remember the phaser burn she sustained or the fractured ribs and multiple contusions on her back from being thrown across from one end of the room onto the wall on the other end earlier.</p><p>Michael was too distraught to form any coherent thoughts when she saw Philippa coughed up blood. She pulled at her cuff with hysterical strength and finally managed to break one hand free. She quickly grabbed the phaser and freed herself. The exertion was nothing compared to the relief she felt being able to get to her captain.</p><p>Michael knelt beside Philippa and checked her injuries. She placed both her hands over the stab wound trying to stop the bleeding. Philippa was ghastly pale and her lips blue. She was losing too much blood too fast and god knows what kind of internal injuries the kut’luch had caused. Philippa must have passed out momentarily because when she opened her eyes Michael was hovering over her. Her first thought was how lucky she must be to die in the arms of this beautiful angel.    </p><p>“Mi…Michael…are you okay?” It came out barely a whisper. Damn Philippa, how could she be asking Michael that when she’s the one bleeding out on the floor.</p><p>“Am I okay?” Michael couldn’t help but chuckled despite their dire situation. Warm blood seeped out steadily leaking through Michael’s fingers. Michael pushed down harder causing a painful groan from Philippa.    </p><p>“You are the best first officer I could ever hope for and….a very dear friend. I couldn’t be more proud of you.” Philippa hated to do this to Michael but she could feel her energy waning at an alarming rate. The floor felt icy cold and she was beginning to feel more numbness than pain, fog of darkness creeping around her vision.</p><p>“Captain, don’t…please…please don’t…you need to stay with me...don’t you dare let go…” Michael knew she was losing Philippa if she could not get the bleeding under control and if help did not arrive soon. According to their mission plan and Michael’s calculation, the Shenzhou retrieval team should be here in 2 minutes 18 seconds baring there had been no other complications and deviation to the plan.</p><p>“Now you know how I feel every time you throw yourself into danger.” Philippa managed half a smile which quickly turned into a grimace. She coughed up more blood, gasping painfully in between each breath.</p><p>“Save your strength, Philippa. Don’t talk. You just have to hang on for a bit longer. The Shenzhou will be here soon.” <em>Please don’t take her from me.</em> Michael pleaded to the universe, to the gods, to anything and anyone to spare Philippa. She would even plead to Kahless if it meant Philippa would live.</p><p>“You don’t need me anymore Michael...you...you did real good. Have I told you how proud I am of you…so damn proud…”</p><p>“No…I wouldn’t be half the person I am today without you. Don’t you understand? You’re my hero, captain. You can’t leave me just yet, not when I haven’t got the chance to…” Michael’s eyes were brimming with unshed tears and she chocked on her words. Philippa needed her to be strong right now. She needed Michael to get them both out of here. <em>Think! Michael, think! As long as Philippa’s breathing you can still save her.</em></p><p>“You have the heart of a hero my dear Michael…that’s who you are…I…I love you Mich…” Philippa closed her eyes and her body went limp just as the Shenzhou retrieval team materialized on the Klingon warship.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. A Close Call</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a close call. Too close for Michael’s comfort. She had almost lost her captain today. No, not just her captain. Michael had admitted to herself long ago 3 years, 2 months and 3 days to be exact that she was in love with Captain Philippa Georgiou. Philippa was her captain, her mentor, her hero, her friend, her soulmate, her t’hy’la.  </p><p>Dr Nambue had informed her that the captain was over the worst stage of her injuries and was on the mend. A few more days in the sickbay, then a week of rest before Philippa would be back in the captain’s chair.</p><p>Michael had stayed vigilant by her captain’s bedside the first few nights when Philippa remained unconscious in an induced coma to ease her recovery. It took 4 hours of emergency surgery to stabilize the captain. The damage from the kut’luch was extensive. The only indication that the captain was alive and breathing was the output displayed on the bio-function monitors surrounding the biobed. When Michael had to be on duty she had the output transmitted to her PADD. It was illogical but being able to see Philippa’s vitals helped calm Michael’s anxiety. Dr Nambue had cleared Michael for duty a day after their rescue. Though Michael sustained no physical injury, she did not escape unscathed. She bore the emotional and mental scars from their ordeal aboard the Klingon warship. There was no time for her to deal with her own turmoil now. As Philippa’s first officer, Michael was the second-in-command and it fell on Michael to take care of the Shenzhou and its crew in the absence of her captain.</p><p>Michael kept replaying the last conversation between them on the Klingon warship when Philippa’s life was hanging by a thread. Philippa had said she loved Michael before losing consciousness. Michael had no real reference as to what this could potentially mean. She knew Philippa loved her, there was no doubting that. In fact every crew member on the Shenzhou could attest to this.</p><p>The special relationship between Captain Philippa Georgiou and her first officer Michael Burnham was an accepted fact that was widely welcomed on the Shenzhou. Some crew members believed that Philippa and Michael were in a secret romantic relationship though there was never any evidence to support such claim. Philippa largely ignored any rumours and seemed more amused by them than finding them upsetting. Fearsome captain that she was; Philippa ran her ship like a family. The crew loved their captain, to the extent that their loyalty to Starfleet maybe secondary. Apart from a few jealous and disgruntle admirals, Starfleet did not see this as a problem mainly because Philippa was as noble as they come.</p><p>Michael however did desire her captain in an intimate and romantic way. She had not acted on her heart’s yearning and until now had no intention to do so. Philippa deserved Michael’s respect more than anything. Starfleet did not necessarily forbid relationships between officers. There may have been some older regulations prior to the 23<sup>rd</sup> century. While there were no regulations these days about a captain becoming involved with a fellow officer, the subject was still a taboo. Unspoken and mostly discouraged especially between officers of unequal ranks. Michael respected and loved Philippa too much to risk tarnishing her captain’s stellar reputation and what Michael deemed as unnecessary emotional stress. The burden of captaincy already weighed heavily on Philippa. Michael could live with unrequited love as long as she was allowed to serve under Philippa and remained by her captain’s side. What she could not live with though was if something were to happen to Philippa because of her.</p><p>Michael almost lost Philippa today and it was all her fault. She had been the one who suggested they board the Klingon warship to gather intel and she had been the one who got caught. Michael was the mastermind behind the mission. She was the one who laid out the mission plan. The original plan was for herself and Commander Ellen Landry to board the Klingon vessel. Michael should have never allowed Philippa to go in Landry’s place. She should have protested and she should have held her ground perhaps even considered mutiny for all she cared. It was her duty to ensure the captain’s safety and she had failed miserably. The mission itself however was not a failure. They did manage to use the spying device and successfully downloaded vital data files from the Klingon computer network. Vital information that could help the Federation wins this war. The cost however was almost too high to bear. </p><p>“She’s awake and she’s asking for you.” Michael had left her shift an hour ago and was currently meditating in her quarter when her comm chirped. Dr Nambue was kind enough to keep her frequently updated on the captain’s condition.</p><p>In the end it didn’t really matter to Michael if Philippa’s declaration of love had been platonic in nature or intended to mean more than what Michael had silently wished for. Philippa was alive and that’s enough for Michael. Philippa may not even have been fully aware of what she had said on the Klingon warship. Michael would not be the one to confront her captain on this. With her resolve set she headed towards the sickbay. While Michael herself had spent considerable amount of time in the sickbay, Philippa had rarely gotten hurt in the seven years since Michael came aboard the Shenzhou. When she entered the sickbay, her heart fluttered at the sight of Philippa on the biobed, awake, looking at Michael the way only Philippa could.</p><p>“Number One, I’m glad to see you. Are you well?” It was just like Philippa to put the wellbeing of her crew above her own. To ask about Michael when she was the one who had almost bled out, who endured 4 hours of emergency surgery, who just woke up from 3 days of induced coma.</p><p>“I’m not the one lying in sickbay, Captain.” As Michael stood next to Philippa’s bed the urge to reach out and touch Philippa was overwhelming. If not because of her Vulcan upbringing, Michael was certain she would not have been able to control herself. She squared her shoulder and tried to appear as formal as possible but Philippa wasn’t having any of it. As if she could see into Michael’s private thoughts, Philippa reached out and took Michael’s hand in hers. Michael has never been one to initiate physical contact but it didn’t mean she didn’t relish the opportunity whenever Philippa initiated them. She immediately welcomed the sensation and gave her captain’s hand a gentle squeeze. The comfort and relief was more than Michael deserved. Philippa’s hand felt warm despite her pallor.</p><p>“It was not your fault, Michael. Besides, I’m quite alright. According to Dr Nambue there will be no lingering effects to my injuries. I’ll be back to commanding the ship in a few days.” Philippa had always been able to read Michael like an open book. Despite constantly teasing Michael on her thick Vulcan shell, she found Michael to be genuinely forthcoming.</p><p>“I’m certain according to Dr Nambue’s medical report it will be more than a few days. Don’t you trust me with the ship, Captain?” Michael knew it was futile trying to hide her emotions from Philippa, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to. Philippa had always encouraged Michael to be herself and Michael enjoyed just being herself with Philippa.</p><p>“Of course I do Number One. I trust you with more than my ship. I trust you with my life.” Philippa’s tone was gentle and kind but it did nothing to assuage Michael’s guilt.</p><p>“How could you trust me with your life when my plan almost got you killed?” Guilt was a stubborn emotion.</p><p>“I’m the Captain, Michael. The mission was sanctioned by me. Your plan was reviewed and approved by me. The responsibility lies with me not with you. When you get your own ship, you can bear all the burden of guilt you want. Until then, don’t let this weigh you down.”</p><p>“But…”</p><p>“No buts Number One. There are risks in every mission we take. Things don’t always turn out the way we planned. This mission was necessary and it was a success. In this stage of the war, every win counts.”</p><p>Philippa’s logic was not flawed even if it didn’t make Michael feel any less guilty. Michael realized she was still grasping Philippa’s hand. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to let go especially as Philippa seemed to be holding on as well. Michael reached for the nearby chair with her feet and pulled it next to the biobed.</p><p>Philippa remained quiet as she observed Michael. Michael didn’t let go of her hand even as she grabbed the chair and sat down next to Philippa. She knew Michael needed the contact as much as she did. Her young protégé was shrouded in shame and guilt. Michael was altruistic, selfless and unfortunately also exhibited traits of martyr complex. Her most endearing qualities were sometimes her most frustrating ones as well. Michael had immense potential not only to be a great Starfleet captain but a distinguished scientist and the best of humanity.      </p><p>While she was recovering well her body still ache painfully from her injuries. Modern medicine maybe remarkable in mending most injuries, the long term complications from injuries sustained from Klingon weaponry were inconclusive and mankind has yet solved the mystery of aging. Injuries took longer to heal, periods of fatigue were getting more frequent and lasted longer. The more lives she lost, even if they were her enemies, the harder it was to sleep.</p><p>At 54, Philippa was approaching the end of her career as a Starfleet captain. She was about to put into motion her retirement and Michael’s promotion plans when the war with the Klingons started. After today, Philippa was certain if she was to survive this war, she would retire from Starfleet and perhaps settled for an academic position somewhere maybe even on Earth. Her oldest and dearest friend Admiral Katrina Cornwell had been pushing Philippa for admiralty. Philippa didn’t think she would have the patience for politics among the highest echelon of Federation ranks. She was a brilliant strategies and a skillful diplomat but her true passion was in space exploration.</p><p>Michael knew Philippa was observing her. She did not mind. She enjoyed their silent companionship as much as their invigorating conversations. This was not the first time Philippa has mentioned about Michael captaining her own ship. There’s no denying captaincy was Michael’s career goal when she first came aboard the Shenzhou. In a way it still was. Michael just couldn’t imagine not being by Philippa’s side. At least as long as this war with the Klingons still raged, Michael could not and would not leave her captain.</p><p>A slight jerk of the hand she was holding shook Michael out of her reverie. Michael realised she had been unconsciously running her thumb in circular motion on Philippa’s knuckles. The gentle movement felt oddly comforting and embarrassingly intimate. She looked up and saw that Philippa’s eyes were closed and her breathing indicated she was probably on the verge of falling asleep.</p><p>“Gods, how am I this tired.” Philippa’s eyelids fluttered and she opened her eyes. Michael chuckled at her captain’s remark. She didn’t think Philippa had ever looked so adorable. Certainly not a word anyone would use to describe the captain.</p><p>“You should get some rest, Captain.” Michael stood up without letting go of Philippa’s hand and this time she did not refrain herself from brushing the back of her free hand on Philippa’s cheek. Philippa instinctively leaned into Michael’s touch. This was only one of the few handful times Michael has been tactile with her. Philippa should not be enjoying Michael’s touch this much but she did almost died a few days ago and she was truly too tired to analyse their latest interaction. She could always blame it on the drugs coursing through her system right now. She gave Michael’s hand a final squeeze and allowed sleep to take her.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Recovery</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After leaving the sickbay, Michael took the long walk back to her quarter. She stopped by one of the quiet alcove where she and Philippa had spent many nights watching the stars. Michael loved watching the stars and she loved watching the stars with Philippa even more. Michael suspected Philippa only indulged in the activity for her sake. Those nights were also the time they would share something personal about themselves with each other.</p><p>Michael recalled with affection Philippa’s tales of her childhood on Pulau Langkawi, her first love Aoife who was also her fiancé whom Philippa lost during the Federation-Klingon Cold War in the disputed space region in Archanis sector, stories of her earlier years at the Starfleet Academy and the adventures in space that propelled Philippa to a legendary status in Starfleet. Philippa never talked about her past battles. Those stories Michael mostly heard at the Starfleet Academy and from a few of the older crew members who had served with the captain before the Shenzhou. Michael had a hard time consolidating the two seemingly different versions of the captain she knew and the captain in the battle stories until the Battle of the Binary Star. Nonetheless Michael had created a special place in her eidetic memory to store everything Philippa related.</p><p>She sat down on one of the benches as they did so many times before. The view of endless space and stars looked as magnificent and humbling as ever. Michael had been fascinated with the stars since she was a child and being in space only made her fascination grew. Being with Philippa, watching Philippa felt the same. Michael wasn’t entirely sure what to make of her visit to the sickbay earlier. She was slightly mortified by her own tactile display though she didn’t necessarily regret it. The interaction new as it was felt natural and familiar. Perhaps there was no conventional definition to their relationship. There was no single universal definition to the meaning of love after all.</p><p>There was no getting any sleep tonight so Michael headed to the captain’s ready room instead. Philippa hated paperwork and often left them till the last minute. Michael wanted Philippa to get as much rest as possible while recovering. She spent the whole night doing requisition forms for supplies, then checking and certifying mission logs for the past weeks. She completed and submitted her own mission report for the incident aboard the Klingon warship. It was a painful report to write, impersonal words describing a standard mission that was anything but.   </p><p>Another 5 hours till her morning shift. Michael decided to stop by the sickbay before turning in. When she got to the sickbay, there was no one around, not even the night nurse on duty was in sight. Philippa was the only patient currently confined to sickbay. The captain looked serene in her deep slumber and beautiful, so breathtakingly beautiful. Michael felt her heart could explode at the sight before her. All the stellar phenomena Michael witnessed faded like vanishing stars in comparison to the exquisite beauty that was Philippa Georgiou. Philippa was courageous yet vulnerable, remarkably strong yet gentle, authoritative yet warm, ruthless yet compassionate. Philippa who marvelled at Michael’s brilliance without making her felt egotistical, who embraced Michael’s weaknesses without making her felt inadequate.        </p><p>Michael wanted Philippa to feel what Philippa made Michael felt. Michael wanted to give Philippa everything Philippa has given her. Captain Philippa Georgiou may seem untouchable; seasoned captain and war hero. But Philippa Georgiou was also flesh and blood. The near death incident on the Klingon warship reminded Michael of the fragility of human mortality. She admitted the timing could be better but if life had taught Michael anything was that there was no such thing as the right time. War or no war, there was only the present time. And right now Philippa was alive, Michael was on the Shenzhou and as the captain’s first officer she couldn’t be in a better position to protect and aide her captain. Or so she thought at the time. The universe however had other plans for Michael Burnham and her beloved captain and would make itself known soon enough.</p><p>Taking advantage of the empty sickbay, Michael approached Philippa’s bed silently so as not to wake the captain though she suspected it might take quite a bit to rouse the captain from her drug induced sleep. She leaned down and placed the gentlest kiss on Philippa’s forehead and whispered “Goodnight, t’hy’la. Sleep well.”</p><p>Back in her quarter Michael took a quick shower and changed into her sleep wear which comprised of a loose Starfleet issue t-shirt and sleep boxer. For the first night since their ordeal, Michael found sleep easily knowing that Philippa was awake and recovering.</p><p>****</p><p>A creature of habit Michael was an early riser often needing much less sleep than her human colleagues. She planned to stop by the sickbay before starting her morning shift at 0600 hours.</p><p>Commander Michael Burnham leaned at the entrance to the sickbay watching in amusement the display between the recovering Captain Georgiou and an extremely frustrated Dr Nambue. This was not unexpected at all. Michael knew it was only a matter of time before Philippa would insist of discharging herself from sickbay doctor’s order or not. Still she had illogically hoped it would be later instead of sooner.</p><p>“Captain, you need to remain in sickbay and under observation for at least a few more days.”</p><p>“Dr Nambue, I can assure you I’m fine. I can rest in my quarters just the same and in the off chance that anything does happen I can always initiate emergency transport protocol and beam myself to your sickbay. There is absolutely no reason to keep me here.” The captain insisted. Even before Dr Nambue could protest, Philippa sat up and swung her legs over the side of the biobed. The movement made her slightly light headed but she was never going to admit that to Dr Nambue.</p><p>“Captain, I am ordering you stay in bed right now!” By god, were all Starfleet captains so damn stubborn.</p><p>“The last I checked I’m the captain and this is my ship.” Philippa even tried to look apologetic for a moment. She hopped off the biobed despite Dr Nambue’s protest and would have fallen flat on her face as her vision blurred and her body collapsed forward straight into Michael’s arms.</p><p>Michael lifted Philippa with ease and placed her gently back on the biobed. Philippa would have given some smart retort if she wasn’t trying to fight back nausea. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths trying to reclaim some control over her body. Perhaps she would keep her eyes closed to save herself further humiliation.</p><p>“Your blood pressure is low which might explain the light headedness. Are you in any pain, Captain?” Dr Nambue had the decency to speak slowly and softly.</p><p>“Just the dizziness, no pain.” Philippa replied but kept her eyes closed until the nausea passed. “I do apologize for my behaviour Dr Nambue. I am truly sorry.” Philippa sighed. Dr Nambue did not deserve her harsh words. Philippa hated not being in control of her body. They were still in the middle of an ongoing war and being incapacitated exposed her ship and her crew to higher risk.</p><p>“I know you worry about the ship and the crew, Captain but it is my job to worry about your health. Please let me take care of you.” Dr Nambue pleaded with the captain. There was nothing but genuine concern in Dr Nambue’s eyes as he held Philippa’s gaze. Dr Nambue had been the Shenzhou chief medical officer for five years and prior to this had served with Philippa on the USS Archimedes for three years. He knew the captain well and certainly would never take offense. If he didn’t love the captain so much he would have requested a transfer long ago instead of enduring her constant refusal to look after herself. He wished the captain would learn to allow her crew to take care of her as she took care of them.  </p><p>“I know, Dr Nambue. I appreciate it. I do. I promise I will try my best.” Dr Nambue seemed satisfied with the response. He gave the captain a thorough examination, injected a dose of antibiotic and mild sedative and advised another two days in the sickbay. He would evaluate again in two days and would release the captain if everything was satisfactory.  </p><p>“Commander Burnham, I’m glad you are here. Could you please ensure the captain follow doctor’s order this time?” Dr Nambue decided to turn to another dependable ally who certainly would agree with him when it came to the captain’s wellbeing.</p><p>“Don’t worry Dr Nambue. I’ll personally make sure the captain will follow all your medical advice to the letter.” Michael had the audacity to smirk when she replied Dr Nambue.</p><p>“I cannot believe you would betray me like that Number One.” Philippa sulked but her tone was teasing. Michael simply raised her eyebrows at the uncooperative captain. Philippa knew it was time to surrender when her chief medical officer ganged up with her first officer.</p><p>“Alright fine! You win this time. Only because I don’t want to humiliate myself a second time by falling flat on my face.”</p><p>“No, of course not. We couldn’t risk anything happening to such a beautiful face.” When Michael realised what she just said, she quickly looked away and took a step back. She was halted when Philippa reached out and grabbed her wrist.</p><p>“It’s okay Michael. It’s flattering to be called beautiful at my age but thank you.”         </p><p>“Why do you do that, Captain?”</p><p>“Do what, Michael?”</p><p>“Make self-deprecating humour about your age. I think aging is an extraordinary process, human evolution in its purest form. It certainly does not dampen your beauty, it adds layers to it.” Michael was surprised at her sudden boldness but did not hold back.</p><p>“Oh Michael, I think that is the most romantic thing you ever said.” Philippa had been trying so hard not to fall for her first officer but how could she not when Michael said things like that. Who would have thought Michael with her thick Vulcan shell and uncompromising rational persona could be a consummate romantic.</p><p>“I don’t know if it’s appropriate to say so but I know it is the truth. You are beautiful Philippa, in every way you are beautiful.” Once the floodgate was open, there was no stopping Michael now. She did not want Philippa to ever feel anything but loved and cherished. The captain deserved so much more than that.</p><p>“I have always told you to be yourself Michael. You are always allowed to express yourself without restraint around me especially when we are alone.”</p><p>“In that case, let me emphasize that I did promise Dr Nambue you would follow his advice. So as the ranking officer in charge, I fully expect your cooperation.”</p><p>“I must say, command looks good on you, acting-captain Burnham.” Michael chuckled at Philippa’s sarcasm. Michael was suspicious of the motive behind the captain’s sarcasm when they first met. Over time she realised that Philippa’s sarcasm held no hidden mockery only fondness. To an outsider the easy banter between the captain and her first officer could easily be construed as flirting. To the crew on the Shenzhou it was simply how the captain and her first officer interacted. Truth be told, the crew enjoyed listening in to the conversations between the captain and her first officer.  </p><p> </p><p>**** <em>Flashback</em> ****</p><p>
  <em>Philippa received hundreds of applications from Starfleet Academy every year from new recruits eager to join the Shenzhou and serve under the legendary captain. She turned down most applications every year but they just kept coming. Those who got accepted and assigned onto the Shenzhou rarely leave hence there were very few opportunities on board. So it was a pleasant surprise when Captain Georgiou took on Ensign Danby Connor just over a year ago. Apparently Philippa and Ensign Connor’s parents were very close friends and she knew Danby since he was a baby and was his godmother. So Philippa took on Danby as her new protégé when his father asked much like she did with Michael when Ambassador Sarek asked her seven years ago.     </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was three weeks after Ensign Danby Connor came aboard the Shenzhou. The crew was taking their lunch break in the mess hall. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Are you and the captain a couple, Commander?” Danby asked casually while taking a bite of his sandwich.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Excuse me?!” Michael almost chocked on her salad. Keyla and Jira perked up watching in anticipation the conversation taking place between the new recruit and the first officer.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You and the captain.” Danby stated innocently. He thought it was obvious and was probably a foregone conclusion that the captain and the commander were in a romantic relationship.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why would you think the captain and I are a couple?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Erm..I mean aren’t you and the captain together? I mean romantically involved. I’m not trying to be nosy or anything. If it’s supposed to be a secret I understand. It’s just I don’t recall my parents mentioning the captain being in a relationship and…I mean you and the captain behaved like most human couples I know.” Danby quickly explained. He was now slightly confused wondering if he had been wrong in his observation. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He remembered Auntie Philippa and Auntie Aoife fondly from his childhood. They often came to his parents’ house for dinner. One day they stopped coming and his father told him that Auntie Aoife had gone to heaven and Auntie Philippa had gone to the stars. It was only years later when he was older that he understood Aoife had passed away. He never saw Philippa again until he was assigned to the Shenzhou. But he remembered how Philippa and Aoife were like when they were together and Philippa was the same way with Michael.    </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Captain Georgiou and I have a strictly professional relationship. The captain is my mentor and she is a very dear friend. I also think relationships are private matters.” Michael explained as patiently as she could. She had no patience for gossips and did not like sharing private matters but Danby did look genuinely innocent in his remarks and Philippa had shared with Michael her friendship with the Connors and her fondness for Danby. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Embarrassed, Danby quickly finished his lunch and left. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What now?” Michael sighed. Keyla and Jira were staring intently at her barely suppressing the smirks on their faces.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Are you really surprised he asked? I mean every new recruit that came on board in the last 3 years asked the same question. Danby was just the only one dumb enough to ask you.” Jira offered.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why do people keep assuming the captain and I are a couple? The captain and I have been nothing but professional in our conducts.” Michael insisted. Jira and Keyla both responded with dramatic eye rolls. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Have you actually listened to the conversations between you and the captain? The two of you could make the debate about the outdated transporter sounds sexy.” Keyla quipped. This was not the first time Keyla teased Michael about her ‘shameless flirting’ with the captain.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You know that’s just how the captain and I talk to each other. She’s just teasing me and teaching me human speech culture.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“And they call that shameless flirting in human speech culture, Michael. But don’t worry. We love Captain Georgiou and we love you.” Jira and Keyla giggled. </em>
</p><p>**** <em>End Flashback</em> ****</p><p> </p><p>Before Philippa and Michael could carry on any further, Lieutenant Januzzi’s voice came over the ship’s intercom. “Bridge to Commander Burnham, you have an urgent incoming call from the USS Enterprise. It’s Captain Pike and Commander Spock, sir.”</p><p>“Go on, Michael. I promise to stay in bed and rest.” Philippa assured Michael.  </p><p>Philippa suspected the call from the Enterprise might be related to the data they stole from the Klingon warship although she was mildly surprised it came so soon. The spying device was handed over to Admiral Cornwell personally a day after their rescue while Philippa was still in an induced coma. Katrina had always maintained regular communications with Philippa through her private messages. She was not surprised Katrina had contacted USS Enterprise for assistance because they both trusted Captain Christopher Pike implicitly and Commander Spock was regarded as an expert on Klingons. She would grill Michael for updates later but for now she would rest as she has promised Dr Nambue and Michael. There was nothing much she could do about the war right now but to wait and recover from her most recent ordeal.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. A Difficult Decision</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Michael took the call in the captain’s ready room with Lieutenant Saru. Lieutenant Saru was Captain Georgiou’s second officer and Philippa often kept him in the loop on the ship’s operational details and decisions aboard the Shenzhou. </p><p>“Captain Pike, Commander Spock. What do you have for us?”</p><p>“Commander Burnham, Lieutenant Saru. I have been able to decipher a small portion of the data on the spying device and I believe if we can decode the entire content it will reveal the Klingon cloaking technology and more. Admiral Cornwell was briefed and she suggested bringing on board Captain Gabriel Lorca from the USS Discovery. As you know the USS Discovery is currently one of the most technologically advanced starship in commission. This project will require access to Starfleet latest technologies and brain trust consisting some of the best scientific minds in Starfleet.</p><p>On board the USS Discovery, we have Lieutenant Commander Paul Stamets and Ensign Sylvia Tilly. I have been assigned to the USS Discovery to oversee this project. I am hoping to have someone from the Shenzhou join us on the USS Discovery on this endeavour.” It was Commander Spock who spoke as he was the one who had been working on decrypting the stolen data files provided by the Shenzhou.</p><p>“What is the timeline we’re looking at?”</p><p>“As soon as possible. Captain Lorca has already been briefed and I am planning to rendezvous with the Discovery within the week.”</p><p>Michael understood the urgency of the matter but with Captain Georgiou still recovering and not even released from sickbay yet, Michael was conflicted. Under normal circumstances, Michael would have been thrilled with the opportunity to work with Spock and even more so on board a starship such as the USS Discovery.</p><p>“I believe either myself or Lieutenant Saru will join the team aboard the USS Discovery. However I do need to discuss and get the final authorization from Captain Georgiou. She is still recovering from her injuries and I’m acting-captain at the moment. I hope you understand my hesitant in committing our immediate support at this time.”</p><p>“Of course. We wish Captain Georgiou well, however we are risking more casualties the longer we wait. I hope to get confirmation from the Shenzhou very soon.”</p><p>“You will hear from us within 24 hours. Captain Pike, Commander Spock, farewell. Live long and prosper.”</p><p>“Thank you Commander Burnham. Live long and prosper.”</p><p>Michael had not expected such a quick turnaround. A week or two perhaps but definitely not in days even though she knew her foster brother Spock was a scientific genius and a Klingon expert. Perhaps it was wishful thinking because she had hoped they would have more time for Philippa to fully recover. She certainly did not expect having to leave the Shenzhou or Philippa for any prolonged period of time. Was she being naïve? Michael really believed the only place she would be in this war was on the USS Shenzhou by her captain’s side. The universe had other plans and was charting its own course. Michael was merely a pawn on a chess board and the pieces were being moved by higher powers.</p><p>“Commander Burnham, may I speak freely?” Saru owed his life in Starfleet to Captain Georgiou and he held no other living being in higher esteem than his captain. He had not always liked Michael especially when she first came aboard the Shenzhou. Saru thought Michael to be arrogant, self-righteous and often reckless. Under the mentorship of Captain Georgiou, Saru began to see a different Michael beneath her Vulcan facade. That Michael was fiercely loyal, empathetic and possessed immense compassion for all sentient life in the universe. Above all else that Michael loved Captain Philippa Georgiou. Michael was not as good in hiding her emotions as she thought. Saru used to envy Michael’s closeness with Captain Georgiou but those days were long gone. They have gotten close over the years despite their constant disagreement much to the captain’s amusement.</p><p>“Of course, Saru.”</p><p>“I believe Captain Georgiou will want us to join the USS Discovery as a matter of urgency. Updating the captain is merely a formality. Your hesitance is of an emotional nature due to the recent events and your obvious attachment to the captain.” His words were direct but there was no accusation in Saru’s tone.</p><p>“I know that Saru. Believe me I know. Captain Georgiou would have ordered us to leave immediately for the Discovery if she was here just now. Logic clearly dictates that the needs of many outweigh the needs of few.” This was what Philippa had been teaching Michael all along. The burden and weight of captaincy. “I just…”</p><p>“I’m worried about her. She takes care of everyone but herself. Just earlier she tried to leave the sickbay and almost passed out from her attempt.” Michael decided to be honest with Saru. He was like a brother to her as much as Spock. Michael long suspected Saru knew about her feelings for Philippa but out of respect for them both has kept it to himself thus far.</p><p>“This is Captain Georgiou we’re talking about. Do you really expect anything less? Fainting spell or not I am surprised she let Dr Nambue talked her out of leaving. Remember the time she forced Dr Nambue to inject her with Trioxin? She almost suffered irreversible damage to the alveoli in her lungs in that incident.”</p><p>“How can I forget? I thought Dr Nambue was going to ask to be reassigned after that.” The incident happened two years into Michael’s time on the Shenzhou. Michael thought Philippa made the right call then as expected of a Starfleet captain of her stature because the Shenzhou was still caught in a nebula storm and was not out of imminent danger. She only saw Philippa as a Starfleet captain then and held her to a ridiculous high standard befitting her reputation.</p><p>“She is still the same Captain Georgiou but you have learnt to see through her title and reputation to the amazing person beneath it. You cannot expect her to act any differently now that your perception of her has evolved. You are not the only one who cares about the captain, Michael. Serving on the Shenzhou provides many challenges and the most difficult one is finding the balance between duty and love.” Finally, there it was. The dilemma between duty and love, perhaps it was duty or love. Was love and duty mutually exclusive? Would love be the death of duty? Ultimately Michael knew that if she held on to both, she would be demanded to put duty above love.</p><p>“Have you found that balance, Saru?”</p><p>“It is a difficult and constantly evolving situation. However, most of us do not have the same closeness as you have with the captain.”</p><p>“Do you envy my closeness with the captain, Saru?”</p><p>“Once but not anymore. I care about both of you. You are the logical choice for this project but if you need me to I can volunteer and request Captain Georgiou for the opportunity.” Michael was touched by Saru’s sincerity. It had been a while since they shared anything personal and these moments were even more rare since the war began. </p><p>“Thank you, Saru. That means a great deal to me but it won’t be necessary. I’ll brief Captain Georgiou after my shift. Let her have a few more hours of rest. Then I will coordinate with Commander Spock to synchronize our schedule for rendezvous.” Michael concluded.</p><p>Philippa was going to need every hour of rest she could get because Michael was certain she would insist on being cleared for duty sooner despite their earlier agreement given the new development. In war, situations were often fluid and one had to adapt quickly. </p><p>“I’m sorry Michael. I know leaving the captain is difficult as it is. And with her still recovering and the war, I cannot imagine how you must feel. You must put your trust in the crew members to be able to support her and look after her. I know how much you love her and we love her too, Michael.”</p><p>“Am I that obvious, Saru? Does everyone know?” Michael sighed.</p><p>“How can anyone not know. I’m pretty sure even though the ship is not sentient, even the Shenzhou knows.”</p><p>“Oh God, you are never going to let me live this down are you?”</p><p>“Not a chance.”</p><p>If there was such a thing as a smiling Kelpien, Michael was sure Saru would be grinning like a Cheshire cat right now.         </p><p>****</p><p>There was no avoiding the conversation Michael was going to have with Philippa. Her duty as first officer, her oath to Starfleet, the integrity and nobility that Philippa embodied meant Michael had to put aside her feelings for the captain and do what was required of them both.</p><p>Philippa was awake when Michael entered the sickbay and was going through her private messages on her PADD. Michael knew Philippa and Admiral Cornwell were close friend and were in frequent communications with one another. Philippa was also close friends with Captain Pike and Captain Lorca. When they were still cadets at Starfleet Academy, they were famously dubbed the “Fantastic Four”. They were young, noble, talented, ambitious and fearless. They were the pride of Starfleet Academy. Michael had a suspicion Philippa had already brought herself up to speed on all the latest development with the war effort since she awoke from her induced coma.</p><p>“Always good to see you, Number One. You know you don’t have to visit me every time you get off shift. You need to look after yourself as well.” Despite her words, Philippa could not conceal her delight upon seeing Michael.</p><p>“And here I thought my world is only supposed to revolve around you Captain.” Michael countered unbashfully and was rewarded by the most dazzling smile from her captain. For a moment, Michael had to consciously remind herself to breathe. She was glad not to be the one hooked up to the bio-function monitors because it would surely betray her quickened heartbeat.</p><p>“Come, sit with me Michael and update me on what the call with the Enterprise was all about.” Michael did not believe for one second that Philippa was clueless but played along. Philippa was as sharp as ever despite being drugged and confined to sickbay. They both knew that Philippa did not want Michael to think she did not trust Michael with the ship. Michael gave Philippa a detailed report on the call with the Enterprise as a dutiful first officer would but left out her conversation with Saru.    </p><p>Philippa remained silent as she contemplated the decision she needed to make. The decision itself was not a hard one but conveying it may require a more tactful approach. Michael may appear detached and impassive to most, Philippa knew she was a sensitive soul. She did not need Michael to voice her fear, she knew her recent brush with death had shaken Michael more than she had let on and to leave the Shenzhou while Philippa was still recovering would no doubt feed into that fear.</p><p>“Michael...” Philippa began cautiously but was cut off by Michael.</p><p>“It’s okay. I know the right thing to do is for me to join the Discovery as soon as possible. I will contact Spock first thing tomorrow and arrange for us to synchronise our rendezvous with the Discovery.” Michael was pleased that her voice remained steady even as her heart beat painfully in her chest. Duty above love, this was the value Philippa would have wanted Michael to uphold. This was precisely why Starfleet discouraged relationships between officers. How could Michael be expected to be impartial when it came to Philippa.</p><p>“Thank you Michael.” Philippa really should not be surprised by Michael anymore. She had expected to deliver a heartfelt speech to justify the decision she would once again be forced to make as a captain but Michael had spared her the emotional stress. For all that Philippa had been trying to teach Michael about humanity and empathy, she was humbled by the compassion that flowed so abundantly from her protégé.</p><p>“I am so very proud of you, Michael. You are one of most brilliant scientist in Starfleet. If anyone can find a way to win this war it would be the likes of you and Spock. The USS Discovery is one of Starfleet most advance starship. I think you will enjoy your assignment there with all the latest technological toys on board.” Philippa reached out and brushed a hand along Michael’s arm. Philippa had been secretly lobbying for Michael to eventually succeed Captain Gabriel Lorca as the captain of USS Discovery. She could not think of a better starship befitting her protégé’s brilliance. Her initial plans would not take shape for a few more years but this opportunity presented an ideal trial of sort to see how Michael would fare on the Discovery and under another captain. Perhaps even move the timetable for Michael’s captaincy forward.   </p><p>“Can I ask a favour, Philippa?” Michael asked shyly.</p><p>“I was almost going to say anything but we both know how brazen you can be.” Philippa teased trying to lighten the mood.</p><p>“Can I call you every day when I’m away? I know it may not always be possible. I just…” Michael wasn’t sure what she wanted to say without sounding like a needy child. “I just..it just that talking to you always helps put everything into better perspective. It will help me sort through my thought process and work more efficiently.” Michael decided to go with half-truth and a more logical justification.</p><p>“Of course Michael. If you didn’t I’m quite certain I will be calling you every day to check on your progress. I am glad talking to me helps Michael. It helps me too.” Philippa smiled warmly at her protégé, her dear friend and confidant. “Keep me updated once you have the schedule from Spock.”</p><p>“Have you eaten, Philippa?” With the official matter out of the way, Michael wanted to spend some quality personal time with Philippa.</p><p>“Are you trying to ask me out for dinner, Michael?” It was always so easy to tease Michael.  </p><p>“How does dinner in biobed sounds?” Michael proposed and Philippa couldn’t help but laughed. Michael decided she really liked it when she could make Philippa laugh.      </p><p>“It sounds wonderful.”</p><p>Dr Nambue stopped just outside the sickbay and wondered if he was hearing the unmistakable sound of the captain’s laughter. Not just the captain’s but Michael’s as well which was even more rare than the captain’s. He decided to let them be and headed for the mess hall instead. He would check in on the captain after dinner. He secretly wished they would throw caution to the wind and pursue their obvious love for each other. He wasn’t sure if either of them would willingly make the first move but he would put his money on Michael, Philippa being the conservative, noble and stubborn captain that she was.</p><p>Dinner had lifted both of their spirits giving Philippa and Michael a much needed respite from the weariness of duty. Dr Nambue came to check on the captain and was pleasantly happy with her recovery. If the captain’s vitals remained stable overnight, Philippa could return to her quarters by noon tomorrow. The captain was elated with the news. There was so much work to be done, personnel rotation to be reviewed, itineraries to be made now that she would be losing her first officer and second-in-command for an indefinite period of time. If only she could will her body to cooperate and heal faster.</p><p>Michael knew Philippa was already planning ahead. She had wanted to delay her captain’s return to duty as long as she could. No one could predict how long this conflict with the Klingons was going to drag on and she did not want to see Philippa burnt out by the demands of war. Michael knew about the sleepless nights, the headaches and the fatigue Philippa had been experiencing more frequently in the last six months since the Federation-Klingon war began. She also knew Philippa had wanted to retire before they got caught in this war, Philippa had mentioned this to Michael at least on two previous occasions. Michael had thought the notion of her captain retiring ridiculous then. Philippa always seemed so full of life and still approached every mission and assignment with the same exuberance of a fresh recruit. Now, as Michael looked at her captain in medical gown and connected to bio-function monitors, she silently prayed that her beloved captain would get to retire from Starfleet and lived out an unburdened and peaceful life.</p><p>Dr Nambue bid them goodnight and retired for the night. There were no other cases requiring his presence in the sickbay apart from the captain and he had a feeling they needed privacy right now. His head nurse Ogawa would be on call should any crew member required medical assistance during the night shift.</p><p>“You should get some rest, Michael. You may be needed on the bridge anytime, get some sleep while you can.” Philippa did not want to say goodnight but Michael was the acting-captain right now and needed to be at her best. It was selfish of her to be taking up so much of her first officer’s time however enjoyable their time together may be.</p><p>“May I kiss you goodnight, Philippa?” Michael’s request took them both by surprise. Dinner had been so carefree and pleasant Michael did not want their time to end but she knew Philippa was right. Michael had to be on her best to look after the ship and its crew in her captain’s absence.</p><p>“A goodnight kiss will be lovely, Michael.” Philippa really should not indulge Michael, nor should she allow herself such pleasure. When Michael looked at Philippa with her big expressive eyes filled with adoration and hope, Philippa was powerless to deny Michael.</p><p>Michael leaned down slowly and placed a soft kiss on the corner of her captain’s lips. Philippa closed her eyes and hummed in content as a warm sensation spread throughout her body. In a moment of weakness, she gave in to her struggles and allowed Michael into the fortress she had built around her lonely and aching heart. Her tormented soul desperately reaching for the strength and sanctuary in the love and devotion Michael offered unconditionally. Michael watched as acceptance and a trusting calmness washed over Philippa. The depth of what they both felt in a fleeting chaste kiss was astounding. It reaffirmed what Michael already knew, Philippa was her soulmate, her t’hy’la.</p><p>“Goodnight, t’hy’la.” Michael’s voice was barely a whisper, intimate and tender.</p><p>“Goodnight, Michael.” Even though Philippa’s words lack endearment, the way it was uttered conveyed everything Michael needed to know. This love, this devotion was not unrequited.           </p><p>Sometimes the universe allowed for the making of unexpected memories.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Acting Captain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Michael stopped by the sickbay on her way to the bridge the next morning, Philippa was still sound asleep. Dr Nambue was already in the sickbay preparing for his shift. He informed Michael that all of the captain’s bio-function results appeared satisfactory and once the captain was awake, he would give her a final examination and release her from sickbay. Michael thanked Dr Nambue and headed to the bridge.</p><p>It was a quiet morning and Michael decided to call the USS Enterprise and update them on the Shenzhou’s decision.</p><p>“Lieutenant Saru, can you please join me in the ready room? Lieutenant Gant, you have the conn.”</p><p>In the captain’s ready room, Michael updated Saru on her briefing with Philippa and contacted the USS Enterprise.</p><p>“Commander Burnham, Lieutenant Saru. Do we have a decision from the USS Shenzhou?” Captain Pike was engaged in another meeting so it was Commander Spock who answered.</p><p>“Commander Spock, yes we do. Captain Georgiou has assigned myself to join the science team on the USS Discovery. I want us to synchronize our schedules to rendezvous with the Discovery.”</p><p>“That is excellent news, Commander Burnham. I look forward to working with you. Admiral Cornwell has arranged for the Enterprise to rendezvous with the Discovery on Starbase 7 in the Andor sector in 96 hours.”   </p><p>“Thank you, Commander Spock. Shenzhou will chart her course for Starbase 7 and rendezvous with Enterprise and Discovery in 96 hours. Live long and prosper.”</p><p>Just as the call with the Enterprise ended, Michael’s comm chirped. “Dr Nambue, report.”</p><p>“Commander Burnham, I like to inform you that Captain Georgiou has been officially released from sickbay. She should be back in her quarters right now. No physical exertion for the first 24 hours then a gradual increase in physical activity. Captain Georgiou has updated me on the most recent personnel situation so I will likely clear the captain fit for active duty in 72 hours.”    </p><p>“Thank you Dr Nambue.” Michael sighed in relief. The timing worked out as well as it could. This would give Philippa a day back in the captain’s chair before their rendezvous with Discovery.</p><p>“Are you alright, Michael?” Saru asked out of concern for her friend now that the plan had been set in motion.</p><p>“Yes, Saru. I believe I am. I do trust you and the crew with the captain. I am glad she has you as her second officer. I know how much Captain Georgiou means to you too.” The unexpected event in the sickbay last night gave Michael renewed hope and determination to see through this war.</p><p>****</p><p>Back on the bridge, Michael was reviewing the Shenzhou itinerary to make the necessary amendment to their schedules when Ensign Jira Narwani alerted the bridge of a potential anomaly detected by the ship’s multiphasic scanner.</p><p>“Commander Burnham, we are not within the vicinity of any known stellar objects and yet the multiphasic scanner seemed to be picking up some anomaly in the electromagnetic field reading. The deviation is miniscule, almost imperceptible and could easily be missed but it’s definitely there. I am having trouble locking on to it and am unable to determine its source.” Ensign Narwani reported from her station.</p><p>A cold tingling sensation ran down Michael’s spine, her mind immediately alerted her to the potential technology used by the Klingon cloaking system.</p><p>“Lieutenant Gant, shields up in full! Lieutenant Januzzi, red alert!” One of the many reasons Captain Georgiou knew her first officer Michael Burnham would make an excellent Starfleet captain was because Michael had incredible instincts and reflexes. She was capable of running multiple complex scenarios and calculations in her head simultaneously.</p><p>“Commander Burnham?” It was Lieutenant Saru who interrupted.</p><p>“Lieutenant Saru, I hope I am wrong but I believe there is a cloaked Klingon vessel nearby. The Klingons prefer open confrontation so it will reveal itself to us before it attacks. We will not be engaging the Klingon vessel, I suspect they may have been tailing and chasing us because of the data Captain Georgiou and I stole. Protecting the Shenzhou and the stolen data is priority.”</p><p>“Lieutenant Detmer, standby for the following flight sequences. On my command execute evasive manoeuvre pi alpha two and when we are in the clear of their firing range, initiate a warp jump to the Orion Nebula. When we drop out of warp, fly us through the nebula and then chart a course for Starbase 7.”</p><p>****</p><p>Philippa was planning to go over the mountain of paperwork awaiting her attention after finally being released from sickbay. She showered and replicated a simple meal for herself. She was just about to start on her first report when the red alert sounded through the ship. Not entirely surprised because they were in the middle of war, Philippa quickly changed into her Starfleet uniform and headed for the turbolift to take her to the bridge. Philippa had absolute confidence in her second-in-command but unless she was fully incapacitated it was still her duty as captain to be on the bridge during a red alert.</p><p>****</p><p>Soon enough, a Klingon warship de-cloaked and appeared on the main viewport on the bridge. Michael recognized it as the same Klingon warship they encountered in the Rigel system. Michael knew they had the element of surprise and needed to act fast. The Klingons being a proud warrior race would be expecting the Shenzhou to be caught off guard in their ambush.  </p><p>“Lieutenant Detmer, on my command, now!” </p><p>The Shenzhou abruptly rolled at a tight angle and flew under the Klingon warship before veering to the right and took off in full speed. By the time the Klingon warship responded and opened fire, the blast only managed to graze the outer shield and was easily deflected. Before the Klingons could fire again, the Shenzhou has already disappeared into warp. If the Klingon warship kept pursue and were able to track Shenzhou warp signature, the nebula would mask its warp trail effectively allowing them to safely head for Starbase 7.    </p><p>The door to the bridge opened and revealed Captain Philippa Georgiou. “Captain to the bridge.” Ensign Danby Connor announced ceremoniously. Michael immediately stood up from the captain’s chair as Philippa entered.  </p><p>“Captain.” Commander Burnham and Lieutenant Saru greeted Philippa simultaneously.</p><p>“At ease Number One, Lieutenant Saru. The conn is yours Number One. I am still off duty and am only here because of the red alert. What is our status?”</p><p>Michael sat down on the captain’s chair again and gave Philippa an update on their brief encounter with the Klingon warship. “It was the same warship we boarded. It must have been tracking us for days. Once we dropped out of warp at Orion Nebula, the nebula cloud should effectively mask the Shenzhou’s warp signature. We will then proceed to rendezvous with the USS Enterprise and the USS Discovery on Starbase 7 in the Andor sector in 94 hours 16 minutes.”</p><p>“Excellent work everyone. Number One, that was impressive commanding.” Philippa proudly praised the crew on the bridge. She placed her hand on Michael’s shoulder and gave her an encouraging pat. Philippa’s hand was still resting on Michael’s shoulder and Michael was certain she detected a slight tremor. Michael had been injured often enough to know that Philippa must still be feeling incredibly stiff and sore. It had only been less than two hours since the captain was released from sickbay. Philippa couldn’t seem to catch a break. At least they were in warp now and the next 20 hours would likely be uneventful.</p><p>“Looks like I am not needed here. I trust the ship is in very capable hands. I will be in my quarters should you need me.” Philippa needed at least a good few hours of rest and light movement to shake off this stiffness. She knew Michael would pick up on her discomfort hence she willingly removed herself from the bridge. Michael needed to focus on getting them safely to Starbase 7.</p><p>****</p><p>Back in her quarters, Philippa changed out of her uniform into a pair of sweat pants and tank top. She took her time going through a light and easy Tai Chi routine intended to help ease her stiffness. After 50 minutes, she felt much better and more in control of her body. Philippa put on a jumper and settled down to continue her paperwork.</p><p>At 1800 hours, after checking over data from every station on the bridge, Michael handed the conn over to Commander Webb. She promptly headed towards Philippa’s quarters without a second thought. The incident today meant Michael had skipped lunch which wasn’t unusual for her but she was hungry and looked forward to having dinner with Philippa. Philippa did not answer even after Michael rang her quarters twice. Michael wondered briefly if Philippa was asleep. Under normal circumstances she would probably not disturb the captain but recent events did not qualify as normal circumstances.</p><p>Michael entered the access code which Philippa had granted her and entered the captain’s quarters. The quarters were dimly lit except for Philippa’s work area. The captain was reclined on her custom work chair, her headed tilted sideways and her eyes closed. A couple of documents and PADDs spread out on her work desk. The computer screens flickered displaying multiple reports that the captain had spent the day working on.</p><p>“Philippa…” Michael called out to Philippa softly hoping to rouse the captain. The position she was in would only add to her stiffness. “Philippa…” Michael tried again this time gently touching Philippa’s shoulder. A sudden jolt indicated that did the trick.</p><p>Philippa groaned as she woke up, making a deep throaty sound that made Michael swoon. There had obviously been a drastic shift in their relationship. Neither of them seemed ready to give voice to this new development, both powerless and reluctant to put a stop to it. Philippa half opened her eyes and sneaked a glance at Michael. Equally bright smiles spread across both their faces.</p><p>“Come on, I skipped lunch and am famish.”</p><p>“Bossy.”</p><p>Michael simply laughed and headed towards the food synthesizer. “What do you feel like having? Light meal or are you ready for something heavier?” She had shared many meals with Philippa in here before and was very familiar with the captain’s quarters.</p><p>“I think I can handle some pasta, not anything too creamy or rich though.”</p><p>Michael busied herself with getting dinner ready while Philippa cleared her desk and put everything in order. Philippa watched Michael silently from her work desk. The scene inside her quarters felt uncharacteristically domestic. How could this be wrong if it felt so right and familiar at the same time. Michael would be leaving for the USS Discovery in less than 4 days for an indeterminate duration. Would it really be so selfish of Philippa to let herself enjoy Michael’s closeness for just another few days? Whatever this was between them, Philippa couldn’t not put a word to it. Michael had called her t’hy’la the night before. If Philippa had to give a term to what Michael meant to her, the closest description would be soulmate. It had been so easy to accept this new direction in their relationship because Philippa sensed no expectation from Michael. Michael’s love and devotion was given freely and unconditionally and it was reciprocated in every way.</p><p>Michael got a spread of food prepared and laid out. A plate of simple tomato basil pasta, two steak sandwiches, a large bowl of fries, a bowl of Caesar salad, a bowl of assorted berries and two slices of coconut cakes.</p><p>“What? I’m really hungry.” Michael exclaimed when Philippa frowned at the amount of food in front of them. True to her word, 45 minutes later all the plates and bowls were empty.</p><p>“If you continue to eat like this Michael, I’m afraid you might run out on your replicator rations.” Philippa could not believe Michael ate all the food on the table in the time it took for her to finish her plate of pasta. She at least had the decency to wait for Philippa so they could enjoy the coconut slices together.</p><p>“Why do you think I often try to have dinner with you, Philippa?”</p><p>“And here I thought it was my irresistible personality.” Philippa laughed at Michael’s effortless charm. Michael finally understood the human saying <em>‘Your laughter is music to my ear</em>s’.</p><p>After Philippa helped Michael cleared away dinner, they settled comfortably in the captain’s lounge and chatted about everything and nothing important until midnight. They sat next to each other on the sofa with their body turned facing each other and one arm resting on the sofa’s back. Michael has one hand resting lightly just above one of Philippa’s knee.</p><p>“Can I ask you a personal question, Philippa?”</p><p>“Of course, Michael.” Philippa smiled encouragingly at Michael.</p><p>“Will you miss me? I will miss you terribly when I leave for the Discovery.” Michael confessed. There was no sadness in Michael’s voice because right here right now on the Shenzhou in her captain’s quarters Michael felt a multitude of emotions and sadness was not one of them. Michael could never feel sad when she was with her captain.</p><p>“Oh Michael, my dear Michael, I will miss you very much.” Philippa reached for Michael’s hand that was resting on her thigh and gave it a firm squeeze. Michael’s hand felt smooth and strong against Philippa’s calloused and slender fingers. She was a Starfleet captain and Michael was her first officer. There would be no tears between them. They would put duty above love and they would gladly bear the burden of war so that others may know a life of peace.</p><p>“You need to rest now, Philippa. May I kiss you goodnight again?”</p><p>Philippa gave Michael a slight nod in reply. Michael leaned forward and this time she placed a soft kiss on Philippa’s full lips before pressing another lingering kiss on Philippa’s forehead. She gently ran a hand through Philippa’s soft wavy hair and rested their forehead together. Michael inhaled and exhaled slowly, tuning her senses into every touch, every sound, every taste and every smell. When everything faded into nothingness, one consciousness remained - home. Michael wasn’t sure what that meant entirely; she would meditate on this later. </p><p>“Goodnight, t’hy’la.” Michael whispered a tender and intimate goodnight much like she did the night before.</p><p>“Goodnight, Michael.”</p><p>****</p><p>The next morning Michael headed directly to the bridge. She decided to let Philippa sleep in. The captain would usually be up by this hour and was always the first one of the morning crew to be on the bridge. But she had not been cleared for duty and Michael knew Philippa was more tired than she let on. Also one of the best kept secret that few people knew about the legendary captain was that she was not a morning person. Michael only found this out by accident during their mission on the Federation science outpost near the Romulan Neutral Zone two years ago. The memory brought on a familiar warm feeling that settled on Michael’s chest. Perhaps she would tease Philippa about it someday. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>****Flashback****</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Philippa and Michael were caught on a Federation science outpost in an unexpected ion storm and had to hunker down overnight in a small shared cabin to wait out the storm. In the morning when Michael awoke as usual at 0500 hours, she found the captain mumbling incoherent as she got up twice with her eyes still closed before climbing back into bed and groaning loudly. Michael did not think the captain realised that someone else was in the cabin with her. Philippa awoke fully 30 minutes later, greeted Michael and hurriedly went about her morning routine as if nothing happened. If Michael wasn’t already in love with Philippa by then she was certain that would have been a defining moment. Michael decided not to embarrass her captain and had kept the incident to herself. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>****End Flashback****</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Accepting the handover from Commander Webb, Michael settled into the captain’s chair for the day. The Shenzhou was expected to drop out of warp in 1 hour 58 minutes. Michael cross checked every aspect of engineering and operations to ensure the Shenzhou was functioning at optimum capacity. They could not afford to be caught off guard.</p><p>At precisely 0800 hours Captain Georgiou entered the bridge and greeted her team.             </p><p>“At ease, Number One. The conn is yours. What is our status?”</p><p>“We will drop out of warp in 12 minutes. Electromagnetic anomaly will be hard to detect near the nebula cloud, so Lieutenant Saru will be assisting Ensign Narwani to cross examine all the multiphasic scan data. Lieutenant Oliveira and Ensign Connor will be running and analysing data from the long range sensor scan. The nebula will mask Shenzhou’s warp trail as well as the Klingon’s. So we will not be able to scan for warp signature to determine if another vessel has dropped out of warp. The ship’s energy levels are optimum, we can engage shields at 100% if required and warp capability is at 80%.”</p><p>“Excellent work, Number One. You have multiple scenarios covered and took all the necessary precautions.”</p><p>“Thank you, Captain. I learnt from the best.”</p><p>“You should know flattery does not work on me, Number One. Are you trying to push me for early retirement?” That brought a few supressed giggles from the morning bridge crew. The energy on the bridge felt charged whenever the captain was on the bridge.  Captain Philippa Georgiou was the heart and soul of Shenzhou. The hearts of the crew belonged to their captain even if the captain was too humble to accept such honour. </p><p>“Captain, Commander. We are dropping out of warp in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.” Lieutenant Detmer reported and the majestic sight of Orion Nebula came into view.</p><p>“Ensign Narwani, report.”</p><p>“Multiphasic scan running and analysing, Commander.” Ensign Narwani reported from her station.</p><p>“Ensign Connor, report.”</p><p>“Long range sensors scan running and analysing, Commander.” Ensign Connor reported from his station.</p><p>“Lieutenant Januzzi, activate communication blackout protocol.”</p><p>“Communication blackout protocol activated, Commander.” Lieutenant Januzzi responded from his station.</p><p>“Lieutenant Detmer, take us slowly through the nebula cloud.”</p><p>“Aye, sir.”</p><p>Philippa stood behind the captain’s chair and watched her first officer took command with pride. Michael would make an excellent captain indeed. Philippa’s reluctance to promote Michael at this time was only because she selfishly wanted to spare Michael the burden of captaincy in wartime. On the Shenzhou as acting-captain, Philippa could shoulder all of Michael’s decisions. Philippa knew it was illogical for her to be this protective of her protégé. Her first officer was more than capable and had remarkably tenacity and integrity. Some of Starfleet admirals believed wartime to be ideal for young and capable officers such as Michael to prove themselves. Philippa vehemently disagreed. Captain Philippa Georgiou was not infallible in her duties, she was already compromised. Philippa could not be impartial when it came to Michael any more than Michael could when it came to Philippa.</p><p>“Ensign Narwani, report.”</p><p>“No anomalies detected from the multiphasic scan, Commander.” Ensign Narwani reported from her station.</p><p>“Ensign Connor, report.”</p><p>“No anomalies detected from the long range sensors scan, Commander.” Ensign Connor reported from his station.</p><p>“Lieutenant Detmer, chart a course for Starbase 7 and take us to warp 6.”</p><p>“Yes Commander. Going to warp in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.”</p><p>“Lieutenant Januzzi, deactivate communication blackout protocol.”</p><p>“Communication blackout protocol deactivated, Commander.” Lieutenant Januzzi responded from his station.</p><p>“Excellent work, everyone.”</p><p>“And that is my cue to leave the bridge.” Philippa quipped and laughter erupted on the bridge.  </p><p>The Shenzhou would remain in warp for 54 hours 12 minutes before reaching Starbase 7. This gave Michael plenty of time to meditate on the new development in her relationship with Philippa.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. First Kiss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Captain Philippa Georgiou sat on one of the biobed in the Shenzhou sickbay waiting patiently for Dr Nambue to clear her for active duty. It was merely formality really because Philippa had never been forthcoming with Dr Nambue about her health. She lied about her insomnia, the bout of fatigue and headache she had been experiencing and certainly did not mention the occasional dull ache she had been experiencing in her chest since she woke up from her induced coma.   </p><p>“Captain Georgiou, you are officially clear for active duty.” Dr Nambue announced reluctantly. He actually knew about the captain’s insomnia, the fatigue and headache but was unaware of the lingering effect from her recent injuries. What he did know for certain was that there was only so much he could do about the captain’s stubbornness. “Please take care of yourself and I am asking as a friend, not as your doctor.” Dr Nambue tried to plead with the captain.</p><p>“I promise I will try Anton and thank you, your friendship and service on the Shenzhou means a lot to me.” Philippa was truly grateful to have Dr Nambue on the Shenzhou. A few times over the past years she honestly thought he might finally lose his patience with her and request to be reassigned.     </p><p>****</p><p>Michael had already started the morning shift and Philippa was scheduled to take over at 1200 hours. They would reach Starbase 7 a day ahead of the rendezvous date. Michael had scheduled a supply run when they docked on Starbase 7 and Philippa had authorised for a skeleton crew to remain on board on short rotation shift so that every crew member could take a much needed short break. Her crew deserved it after the ordeal they had gone through in the past 6 months.</p><p>At 1200 hours the door to the bridge opened and Captain Philippa Georgiou entered. This time Commander Michael Burnham gladly stood up from the captain’s chair and returned it to its rightful owner. All the morning bridge crew promptly stood to welcome their captain back.</p><p>“Captain Georgiou, it’s good to have you back on the bridge.” Commander Burnham officially welcomed their captain back. The crew gave their captain a round of applause, everyone relieved and happy that their captain was well again and back on duty.    </p><p>“Thank you, everyone. As you are.” Philippa sat down on the captain’s chair and Michael took her post at the station to the captain’s left. It felt good to be back in the captain’s chair. Philippa was a compulsive workaholic, never fully at ease when she was forced on shore leave or whenever she was confined to sickbay or her quarters.</p><p>“Commander Burnham, report.”</p><p>“We will be dropping out of warp in 3 hours 46 minutes and is scheduled to dock on Starbase 7 at 1600 hours. The paperwork for supplies has been transmitted and the supply team briefed. Crew rotation has been broadcasted on the ship’s internal communication. Maintenance has been scheduled with the repair team on Starbase 7 facility for the ship’s transporter, long range sensors and energy core.”</p><p>“Thank you, Number One. Did you leave any actual work for me?”</p><p>And just like that everything was back to how it was on the bridge of the USS Shenzhou. </p><p>****</p><p>“Captain, we are dropping out of warp in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.” Lieutenant Detmer reported from the helm.</p><p>Within a few minutes, Starbase 7 appeared on the bridge viewport.</p><p>“Captain, we are being hailed.” Lieutenant Januzzi reported.</p><p>“On screen.”</p><p>“This is Starfleet command. Please state your authorization code.” A computer voice came through the screen. Most federation bases outside of Earth were manned by AI sentry to minimize personnel.   </p><p>“Authorization code Georgiou-Alpha-5-3-5-7-Sigma-2.”</p><p>“USS Shenzhou, welcome to Starbase 7. You are cleared to dock.”</p><p>“Lieutenant Detmer, take us in.”</p><p>“Aye, Captain.”</p><p>****</p><p>Admiral Cornwell had arranged a meeting with all the relevant personnel involved to officiate the new project at 1000 hours the following morning in one of the Federation Embassy offices on Starbase 7. Commander Webb had volunteered to take his usual evening and night shift. Both Philippa and Michael opted to stay on the ship giving other crew members the opportunity to relax and explore the starbase facilities.</p><p>After taking a quick shower and changing out of her uniform, Michael headed to Philippa’s quarters. When she entered she found Philippa with her elbows resting on top of her work desk and her fingers pressed against her temples. Philippa had been experiencing bout of headaches in recent years especially when under stress. Unfortunately stress seemed to be a constant in the past 6 months and these headaches were getting more frequent. </p><p>Michael moved behind the captain’s work chair and slowly guided her until she was fully reclined against the back support. She then placed her thumbs on Philippa’s cheekbone close to her ears, using her fingertips she gently applied pressure and rubbed the soft spot between the corner of Philippa’s eyes and ears. Philippa closed her eyes and let out a soft moan as she exhaled.</p><p>“Mmm…what am I going to do without you Michael?” It was a rhetorical question. Michael did not respond and continued to massage Philippa’s temples. The captain used to find it amusing when Michael would attempt to respond to every question rhetorical or not.</p><p>Using firm pressure and tiny circular motions, Michael gradually moved her fingers along Philippa’s hairline until they met in the middle of her forehead, massaging the entire forehead and scalp as she inched along. She continued her massage in companionable silence.</p><p>“Are you feeling better?” After 15 minutes, Michael asked quietly without stopping her movement.</p><p>“The headaches were gone a few minutes ago but it felt so good I didn’t want you to stop.” Philippa opened her eyes and confessed with a sheepish grin. “Can I repay your service with dinner?”</p><p>“My service is offered freely, Captain but I did come here for dinner and your irresistible company.”</p><p>They ate dinner and engaged in light conversation like they had every evening for the past 3 days. After dinner they settled in the captain’s lounge, Philippa with her green tea and Michael a spiced Vulcan tea. Michael did not want to leave Philippa without letting Philippa know how much she meant to Michael. She did not intend for the conversation to be a declaration of love but an expression of her immense gratitude towards the captain.</p><p>“Philippa...” Michael began by grasping both of Philippa’s hands in hers.</p><p>“Are you going to propose, Michael?” Philippa interrupted Michael and teased her mischievously.</p><p>“Do you want me to propose, Philippa?” Michael countered easily without letting go of Philippa’s hands.</p><p>“What have I done? I’ve unleashed a monster under that thick Vulcan shell.” Philippa laughed heartily and Michael was pleasingly proud of her human wit.</p><p>Michael kept her gaze on Philippa as she brought a hand to her lips and placed a tender kiss on Philippa’s knuckles. Philippa could have sworn her heart skipped a beat.</p><p>“May I speak without interruption, Philippa?”</p><p>“Of course, Michael.” Philippa was visibly swooning at Michael’s romantic chivalry.     </p><p>“The last seven years I have spent on the Shenzhou have been the happiest years of my life since my parents died. I never thought I could experience true happiness again since that day but you made it possible. There’s a human saying that time heals all wounds but time did not heal mine, you did Philippa. I don’t know if home is supposed to be a place, a person or a feeling or perhaps a mixture of all three. All I know is that when I am with you Philippa I am home.</p><p>I am eternally grateful for all that you have taught me and shared freely with me. For the person that I am today and the person that I will continue to be and become, it is because of you. I cannot repay you because what you have given me is priceless and you gave freely and unconditionally.</p><p>I know you bear an impossible burden and you have born it for a very long time. Every conflict, every death even those of our enemies weigh heavily on you. You bear it because you have so much compassion and so much love to give. You have not only taught me and mentored me to be the best Starfleet officer I can be over the last 7 years, you showed me every day through your actions, your speech and how you lived your life values that inspired me to be the person I can be.</p><p>I want to thank you, Philippa. Love is a word that is inadequate to convey what I feel for you, nor are there words sufficient for what you mean to me. What I feel goes deeper than that. I know you feel it too. I do not need affirmation from you to know how you feel about me. I already know you love me and so much more. I want you to remember this when the night terrors leave you awake at night. I want to hold on to this when the dead comes to haunt you. I want you to lean on to this when the burden of captaincy and war becomes too much to bear.</p><p>Can you do that for me, Philippa? Can you carry this with you so that you may never have to bear any burden alone ever again?”</p><p>Michael reached up and ever so gently wiped away a single tear that had rolled down Philippa’s cheek. Philippa did not even realise that a teardrop had escaped. She blinked back the sharp sting of tears in her eyes and tried to stem the overwhelming tide of emotions she had been trying to keep at bay since she told Michael she loved her before losing consciousness on the Klingon warship. Philippa hadn’t cried since Aoife’s death. She did not believe in crying anymore, not because she thought it was a sign of weakness but because she recognised it in herself as a sign of selfishness. She cried for a long time when she lost Aoife until she realized her tears were all about her grief, her own selfish emotions, herself. Aoife’s death should not be about Philippa. Aoife meant more in life and deserved the same in death.</p><p>Her eyes brimmed with unshed tears because she was awestruck by this magnificent Vulcan raised human in front of her. Her famous composure threatening to crumble under the multitude of immeasurable emotions imploding within her from Michael’s speech.</p><p>“Yes I can do that for you, Michael. I can carry this with me always if you promise me the same.” Philippa gave Michael the only reply she could.</p><p>“I promise, my t’hy’la. Can I kiss you now, Philippa?”</p><p>“I would like that very much, Michael.”</p><p>Michael slowly closed the distance between them and gingerly pressed her lips against Philippa’s. She felt the lips against her mouth parted with a soft gasp. Michael slid her fingers into Philippa’s hair coming to rest behind her neck. As she stroked the back of Philippa’s neck, she allowed her tongue to gently trace the curve of Philippa’s lips. Michael took her time to revel in the intoxicating taste of floral sweetness of her captain’s lips. Probing and teasing feverishly before threading both hands behind Philippa’s head and surrendered herself to a fiery and passionate kiss. When Michael broke the kiss Philippa whimpered at the loss, both of them breathing heavily.</p><p>Philippa pressed one hand on Michael’s chest and tried to regain control over her wild and erratic heartbeat. Resting their forehead together, Michael brought one hand over Philippa’s and held it firmly over her own palpitating heart. They reached into the deepest recesses of their mind trying to let their senses and emotions convey the depth of what they felt for each other, the fabric of their souls entwined in an ethereal plane. Michael thought she was going to implode from sensory overload. When Philippa came back to full awareness she was in a state of shock over what had just happened. Her hands were trembling and her fingertips were numbed with tingling sensations. Her breath came in short gasps, her heartbeat racing out of control and her vision blurred.</p><p>Michael sensed the shift in the atmosphere almost immediately. She put a small distance between them but maintained her hold on Philippa’s hand over her chest. She employed a very effective Vulcan technique which swiftly calmed her own racing heartbeat.   </p><p>“Philippa, it’s okay. I got you. Close your eyes. Listen to my voice and breathe with me.” Michael spoke calmly and clearly.</p><p>“In…out...in…out…” She repeated slowly until the hand on her chest stopped trembling.</p><p>“Thank you, Michael.” Philippa murmured. She took one last deep breath and opened her eyes. Michael gave Philippa a loving smile and brushed a hand lightly along Philippa’s jawline resisting the temptation to kiss Philippa again.          </p><p>“I want to ask if I can kiss you again but I really don’t you to pass out this time.”</p><p>“Oh my God, I would be so embarrassed if that wasn’t so surreal. I have never experience anything like that before, Michael. There are no words.” Philippa exclaimed shakily.</p><p>“It was the same for me, Philippa.”</p><p>Philippa shifted and closed the gap between them allowing Michael to hold her. She laid her head against Michael’s shoulder and placed a hand over Michael’s chest stroking the area affectionately. Philippa understood what Michael said about home because she felt exactly the same way in Michael’s arms. They stayed like that until Philippa could no longer stifle a yawn. She disengaged herself wearily from Michael’s embrace.</p><p>“We should get some sleep. You need to look sharp for our meeting tomorrow morning.” Philippa held out a hand and led Michael into her sleeping quarter. No one knew what the future held, in war their fate tethered precariously on the precipice of an event horizon. If this was the last night Philippa and Michael would have together on the Shenzhou, Philippa did not want them to spend it apart.        </p><p>They could not have known then that it would indeed be the last night Commander Michael Burnham would spend aboard the USS Shenzhou, her home in space for 7 years 5 months and 18 days.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. No Goodbyes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Michael woke up at 0500 hours as she did every morning. Neither she nor the captain were on bridge duty today. Philippa was lying on her stomach one hand under pillow and another draped over Michael’s torso. Her hair a dishevelled mess and she was snoring lightly. Michael remained still so as not to wake the slumbering woman. As she lay awake in contentment with Philippa next to her, Michael pondered on the meaning of perfection. There was an ancient religion on Earth that believed in the ten perfections that led to enlightenment – generosity, morality, renunciation, wisdom, vigour, patience, truthfulness, determination, loving kindness and equanimity. Michael knew that scientifically and logically perfection did not and could not exist in the universe. It was merely an idea, an abstraction of the mind.</p><p>Did the universe allow for perfect soulmate in its design? Was perfect happiness attainable? Michael thought Philippa embodied all the virtues of perfection and taught Michael to do the same. If a human could strive to achieve transcendental perfections surely Michael could endeavour to attain perfect happiness with Philippa. This present moment itself was a testament of attainable perfect happiness. The woman lying next to her right now was perfect for her. They were perfect for each other.</p><p>Philippa shifted onto her side and shuffled closer until she was fully pressed against Michael and swung one leg over Michael’s thigh. Who would have thought the fearsome captain was a cuddler in bed. Trapped by Philippa’s limbs, there was nothing much Michael could do and she slowly drifted back to sleep.</p><p>At 0700 hours the computer sounded an alarm and an artificial daylight filtered into the captain’s sleep quarter. Philippa groaned and buried her face deeper into the pillow. Michael chuckled at her captain’s antics.</p><p>“Good morning, Philippa.” Michael brushed aside the hair covering Philippa’s face and promptly placed a quick kiss on her cheek. Philippa groaned again. Michael disentangled herself and got up.</p><p>“Where are you going, Michael?” Philippa mumbled hoarsely without lifting her head from the pillow.</p><p>“I need to get back to my quarter and get ready. Get some more rest, I’ll be back in an hour.”</p><p>An hour later when Michael returned, Philippa looked immaculate in her captain’s uniform and was holding a steaming mug of coffee, a selection of breakfast menu already prepared.     </p><p>“Good morning, Number One.” Philippa greeted her first officer cheerfully.</p><p>“Good morning, Captain.” Michael chuckled at the contrast between the woman sipping coffee in front of her right now and the one in bed an hour ago. Philippa raised an eyebrow at her.</p><p>“Do you remember the time we got caught in an ion storm at the science outpost near the Romulan Neutral Zone?”</p><p>“Yes, I do...” Philippa eyed at her first officer suspiciously and wondered where this was going.</p><p>“In the morning, you got up twice mumbling something incoherent then groaned loudly and climbed back into bed. I think you didn’t even realise I was in the cabin with you.” Philippa looked genuinely mortified. “Don’t worry, Captain. Your secret is safe with me.”</p><p>“Such chivalry, Number One.”</p><p>****</p><p>At 0900 hours Captain Philippa Georgiou and Commander Michael Burnham disembarked the USS Shenzhou. They made quick stops at the starbase supply and repair facilities before heading towards where the embassy offices were located. Admiral Cornwell, Captain Pike and Commander Spock were chatting animatedly when Philippa and Michael arrived.</p><p>“Philippa, it’s so good to see you have recovered.” Katrina gave Philippa a quick peck on the cheek and hugged her tightly. The last time she saw Philippa, the captain was lying in Shenzhou sickbay in an induced coma. After Katrina was promoted to an admiral she had tried her best within her power to protect her dear friend but Philippa always seemed to end up right in the middle of every conflict and every possible danger space exploration posed. Her first officer Commander Michael Burnham wasn’t any better. Katrina swore together those two have the gravitational force of a black hole pulling in every conceivable trouble in space towards them.     </p><p>“Katrina, I’m quite well. Thank you.” Philippa reassured her friend. They had both lost many friends and colleagues over their long career in Starfleet. There were so few of them left from their academy years.</p><p>When everyone arrived, Admiral Cornwell made the introduction and handed over to Commander Spock to brief the team on their upcoming project.</p><p>“A week ago, Captain Georgiou and Commander Burnham managed to sneak aboard a Klingon warship and downloaded a significant amount of data from the ship’s system. I have decrypted 15% of the stolen data, enough to give us the fundamental understanding of the latest Klingon cloaking technology which used gravitational field to bend light and electromagnetic radiation around the ship rendering it invisible to most sensors.</p><p>I only have some preliminary working theories at this stage. The USS Discovery is chosen as the project base because it is equipped with Starfleet latest and most advance technologies. Our goal is to develop a technology that would allow Starfleet to efficiently detect cloaked Klingon vessels. We need early detection of incoming Klingon attacks on Federation bases, outposts and colony settlements; and we need detection techniques that give our starships a fighting chance against an invincible enemy.”</p><p>Lieutenant Paul Stamets was the USS Discovery chief science officer and chief engineer. He was an astromycologist and spore drive specialist who helped developed the revolutionary organic spore drive propulsion system aboard the USS Discovery. He was brilliant, arrogant, disliked most human interaction and found stupidity and incompetence intolerable.</p><p>“What I don’t understand is why we need to bring anyone on board. The Discovery team is more than capable of handling this project.” Lieutenant Stamets had protested when Captain Lorca first briefed him on the Discovery and he had no qualms in voicing his discontent over the matter to a larger audience.  </p><p>“This is Command’s decision. This project is imperative for the Federation to win this war. I will not tolerate any individual’s arrogance, personal preferences or agenda on this matter. Anyone who does not wish to be part of this team can leave voluntarily and will be promptly replaced.</p><p>Commander Spock will be in charge of this project and will report directly to me and only to me. Do I make myself clear?” Admiral Cornwell had a reputation for being an authoritarian and she gladly used it to her advantage.</p><p>“Yes, Admiral.” Lieutenant Stamets was petulant but he was smart enough not to go against the admiral.</p><p>“All the necessary arrangement has been made for Commander Spock and Commander Burnham aboard the Discovery. We have a busy schedule and will be departing Starbase 7 at 1400 hours. Ensign Tilly will meet you on the boarding ramp at 1345 hours and give you a tour of the ship. She will also be in charge of your stay aboard the Discovery.” Captain Lorca conveyed.</p><p>Personally Gabriel Lorca was not too keen on having guests aboard his ship but he had never been very good at saying no to Katrina Cornwell.</p><p>****</p><p>When the meeting was concluded, the three captains and Admiral Cornwell retreated to a private room adjacent to the embassy office leaving the four team members to get acquainted.   </p><p>Ensign Sylvia Tilly was overly friendly, full of nervous excitement, good natured with a quirky sense of humour but also ambitious, exceptionally smart and regarded herself as the best theoretical engineer at Starfleet Academy.</p><p>“I’m so excited to be part of this project. I’m a huge fan of Captain Georgiou. You are so lucky to serve under her, Commander Burnham. I applied for the Shenzhou every year but there are never any positions available.</p><p>What is it like to be working so closely with her every day? Some people said she’s ruthless but I don’t think that’s entirely true. I mean look at her, she’s just so gorgeous. It’s not like I’m a lesbian or anything but she’s just so sexy. </p><p>Oh my god! Do you think you can put in a good word for me after this? You’re her first officer, I’m sure your recommendation would merit extra consideration, right?” Sylvia Tilly kept on babbling. Michael would find out soon enough that was just how Tilly talked when she’s excited or nervous.</p><p>Sylvia Tilly could not believe her luck. She was just in the same room with the legendary Captain Philippa Georgiou. The highly decorated Starfleet captain was her hero of all heroes, the person who inspired her to join Starfleet. Her dream was to become a Starfleet captain someday just like her hero.</p><p>Commander Spock found Ensign Tilly’s enthusiasm bothersome. He hoped she would maintain a more professional conduct when they were on duty. Lieutenant Stamets was too annoyed to stay behind and engage in mindless chatter so he excused himself and returned to the Discovery. Commander Burnham found Ensign Tilly to be refreshing and hopefully a friend aboard an unfamiliar ship. They already shared something in common, hero worship for her captain. </p><p>****</p><p>In the embassy private room, Katrina, Gabriel and Christopher were teasing Philippa mercilessly. </p><p>“So…I ask again is there anything you want to tell us about your first officer, Pippa?” Gabriel was relentless in trying to get Philippa to be forthcoming about Michael.</p><p>“I told you a thousand times before, Gab. There’s nothing to tell.”</p><p>“Oh come on, Pippa. You broke protocol and almost got yourself killed trying to save her on that Klingon warship.” Gabriel persisted.</p><p>“I broke nothing! The mission goal was never at risk and I would have done the same for any one of my crew.” Philippa defended.</p><p>“Erm…remember that time you left me behind when we were overrun by a group of Mugatos on Neural?” Christopher fondly reminded Philippa.</p><p>“And me that time when we got ambushed by Cardassian guards on Aschelan V?” Gabriel added with a devilish grin.</p><p>“Seriously?! Like you guys were actually helpless. Why do I always have to be the one to rescue your asses anyways?”  </p><p>“Your Michael hardly seems like the damsel in distress type either, Pippa.” Katrina had been trying to get Philippa to admit her feelings for Michael for years. She had not seen Philippa this enamoured with anyone since Aoife. It had been 18 years and Philippa deserved to find love again.   </p><p>“Not you too, Kat. She’s not my Michael and we are done talking about this.” The three people in that room were her oldest and dearest friends but Philippa was not ready to admit anything about Michael to herself or anyone else.</p><p>****</p><p>Philippa entered Michael’s quarter as she finished packing. They were both struggling to maintain a stoic professionalism countenance.</p><p>“Are you all packed and ready, Number One?”</p><p>“Yes, Captain. I should get going soon. Captain Lorca doesn’t seem like the type who would tolerate tardiness.”</p><p>Philippa rarely did anything rash. She was notoriously private when it came to matter of the heart. Michael often thought the captain’s composure could rival any Vulcan.</p><p>Without warning Philippa abruptly closed the distance between them and pressed their lips together. Groaning faintly, Michael pulled Philippa against her, their hips tightly pressed against one another. She allowed Philippa’s tongue to explore her mouth hungrily. This was unlike their previous kisses, it was fervent and desperate, and it was fierce and demanding. Philippa’s hands were clenched tightly around her neck and Michael could feel the woman in her arms trembled. Philippa ended the kiss just as abruptly. She pressed both her palms against Michael’s chest and gently pushed her away.          </p><p>There would be no goodbyes between them.</p><p> ****</p><p>Michael stopped at Ensign Connor’s quarter on her way out. Danby looked pleasantly surprised when he saw who was standing outside his door.</p><p>“Michael, what can I do for you?”</p><p>“Danby, can I speak to you in private?”</p><p>“Of course.” Danby stood aside and let Michael into his shared quarter.</p><p>“I need a personal favour.”</p><p>“Okay…”</p><p>“I need you to look after the captain for me. I know all the crew members will but I don’t mean just as the captain. I need you to keep an eye on Philippa for me. She’s very fond of you and treats you like her nephew. I know it’s a lot to ask.”</p><p>Philippa was different with Danby, more maternal than usual and Danby in return was openly affectionate with Philippa. Michael liked Danby. He was sincere, grounded, hardworking, caring and liked by everyone. He did not hide his past history or his family’s connection with Philippa but he never abused it.       </p><p>“You don’t need to ask, Commander. Of course I will look out for her. She’s not just my captain. She’s my mentor and my godmother.”</p><p>“Thank you, Danby. It means a lot to me.”</p><p>****</p><p>On Starbase 7 docking deck, Commander Michael Burnham took one final look at the USS Shenzhou before making her way towards the USS Discovery. Unbeknownst to Michael, the USS Discovery would be her new home in space for the foreseeable future.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. USS Discovery Part I</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At 1345 hours, Commander Spock and Commander Burnham were met by an overly enthusiastic Ensign Tilly on the Discovery boarding ramp. Lieutenant Stamets was expectantly nowhere in sight.</p><p>“Welcome to the USS Discovery, Commander Spock, Commander Burnham.” Ensign Tilly welcomed her new team members officially.</p><p>They were given a comprehensive tour of the Discovery and shown to their temporary guest quarters. Commander Spock wanted to get the project underway as a matter of urgency so the team would meet in the Discovery engineering and science lab at 1800 hours.</p><p>Michael settled into her quarter aboard the Discovery. Michael did not hold sentiment on personal items like most of her human colleagues. She placed a single holo beside her bed. It was a holo of Philippa on the beach of Pulau Langkawi. Philippa was showing Michael holos of her homeworld when she saw the photograph of the captain standing on the shore of her childhood home. The beach a soft blanket of sun-warmed gold and the sea a shimmering turquoise blue. A younger light-hearted Philippa was smiling lovingly at the person taking the photograph, head slightly tilted and her wavy black hair blowing in the wind. When Michael asked Philippa if she could have the holo, Philippa seemed surprised but graciously obliged. Michael chose that holo at the time because she wondered what it would be like to be at the receiving end of that smile. She knew now and it was beyond anything she could have possibly envisaged.         </p><p>Michael already missed Philippa. Being on the Discovery brought back memories of when Ambassador Sarek first brought her to his home in ShiKahr on the planet Vulcan. Her relationship with her foster brother Spock had gotten off to a shaky start but eventually they became as close a Vulcan human hybrid and a Vulcan raise human siblings could be.</p><p>****</p><p>The atmosphere in the Discovery engineering and science lab was often filled with unspoken tension. Even Ensign Tilly refrained from her awkward babbling while in the lab. Officially they were supposed to be a team but in reality the four members were mostly confined to their own stations immersed in their individual assignments. Commander Spock continued decrypting the stolen data, Ensign Tilly crunched codes trying to contextualize the data and formulate useful algorithms and Michael ran calculations and simulations on gravitational field, electromagnetic radiation, spatial interphase and various quantum correlations. Lieutenant Stamets continued in his own research into the mycelial network and refining spore drive navigation system. Progress was slow and frustrating.</p><p>****</p><p>At 2300 hours every night Michael returned to her quarter for her daily private call with Philippa. As she had been every night before this, Philippa was still in her ready room even though her shift ended hours ago. <em>The captain’s work is never done, Number One</em>. Philippa often told Michael when she found the captain in her ready room late into the night. Michael would update Philippa on her work progress and her social activity which was virtually none existent but Philippa kept insisting on asking.   </p><p>“You sound tired, Captain. Are you having headache again?”</p><p>“Unfortunately my personal masseur is on another ship right now.” Philippa pinched the bridge of her nose willing the headache away.</p><p>“How long has the headache been going on for?”</p><p>“Two days maybe, I can’t seem to sleep it off.”</p><p>“That’s because you’re not sleeping, Philippa. Go back to your quarters and sleep. Stop by the sickbay and ask Dr Nambue to give you an injection. Please, Philippa?”</p><p>“I will, Michael. I promise.” Philippa sighed and conceded only because the pounding in her head was gradually escalating from incessant throbbing to flashes of stabbing pain. Her chest felt tight and she was nauseated.  </p><p>Michael ended the call and briefly contemplated calling Danby to make sure the captain followed through. Michael was aware that her concern would appear overbearing and the captain would not respond well to having her privacy exposed. Sleep hadn’t come easy for Michael on the USS Discovery either. She missed Philippa. She had been thinking a lot about different courtship rituals lately. As a xenoanthropologist Michael had knowledge of courtship rituals from different cultures of known species besides Human and Vulcan.     </p><p>She was mildly surprised but ecstatic when she got another call from Philippa.</p><p>“To what do I owe this pleasure, Captain?”</p><p>“I went to see Dr Nambue like the obedient captain that I am and I feel much better now. I’m back in my quarters, on my bed and I thought my concerned first officer might like to tug me in.”</p><p>Philippa was rewarded with the melodic sound of Michael’s laughter.</p><p>“Does this qualify as a courtship ritual, Philippa?”</p><p>“Depends on who’s doing the courting. Are you trying to court me, Michael?”</p><p>“If I am, would my romantic pursuit be welcomed?”</p><p>“A worthy courtship is a commitment, Michael. Are you up to the challenge, Number One?”</p><p>“Challenge accepted, Captain. Goodnight, t’hy’la.”</p><p>Commander Michael Burnham would orchestrate their courtship into a legend for the universe to carve their symphony in the stars.  </p><p>****</p><p>The USS Discovery came upon the USS Glenn adrift in space, its entire crew dead. The boarding party encountered dozen Klingon corpses on board killed by some kind of beast. It appeared the Klingons were seeking to plunder Starfleet technologies aboard the Glenn but were not the ones who attacked the starship. The away team managed to salvage the ship’s logs and captured the alien beast. Captain Lorca assigned Michael to study the beast they called Ripper due to her background in xenoanthropology.</p><p>Michael found that the creature Ripper was in fact a massively enlarged version of a microscopic Earth phylum known as tardigrade. Tardigrades were among the most resilient Earth species able to survive extreme conditions. Michael suspected the tardigrade was not as ferocious as it seemed despite the scene encountered aboard the Glenn and most likely only attacked out of self-defence.  </p><p>An urgent order came from Admiral Cornwell requesting the USS Discovery to protect a Federation mining colony in Corvan II that was under siege by Klingons. The colony’s blockade was ambushed by a number of cloaked Klingon Bird-of-Prey. Corvan II sat at the edge of the Federation space border in the Alpha Quadrant bordering a planetary system belonging to the Romulan Star Empire. The closest Federation starship was 84 hours away and would not be able to reach the mining colony before its magnetic shield failed under orbital bombardment from the Klingon warbirds. The dilithium mining colony posed a significant tactical importance to the Federation. The only viable option was to employ the experimental spore drive system aboard the USS Discovery to jump to Corvan II in time to rescue the colony.</p><p>The Discovery first long jump attempt across the mycelial network using the spore drive failed resulting in an injured Lieutenant Stamets and a disabled spore drive. They had yet been able to perfect the spore drive navigational system for long jumps.</p><p>Michael had been going through the Glenn’s ship logs trying to find out how and why the tardigrade was on board. From her observation aboard the Discovery, Michael noticed activity in the tardigrade’s frontopolar cortex whenever the spore drive was activated. Correlating the information from the Glenn and her observation, Michael decided to put her theory to test. She entered the tardigrade containment chamber with a canister of spores. Sylvia Tilly shrieked in horror when she saw Michael inside the creature’s chamber and the horror turned wonderment when the creature inhaled the spores in delight and rubbed against Michael like an affectionate pet. Michael concluded that the tardigrade had a symbiotic relationship with the mycelium spores and that the Glenn was experimenting on using it to solve the spore drive long jump navigational problem.</p><p>Michael went to Captain Lorca and Lieutenant Stamets with her findings. The scientific breakthrough was quickly acted upon. Commander Spock and Ensign Tilly devised a mycelium navigation chamber to link Ripper to the spore drive. Discovery made a second long jump attempt successfully, appearing above the colony and destroyed the Klingon Brid-of-Preys besieging it. They saved the colonists and the Federation its vital dilithium resources. The success sent waves of excitement through Starfleet, igniting new hope in the Federation-Klingon war. Michael was the hero of the hour but she was apprehensive. She believed the tardigrade to be sentient and using it to navigate the spore drive was causing it extreme agony and they could not continue to use the tardigrade. She tried to plead her case to Captain Lorca and Lieutenant Stamets but they would not heed her concern. The only thing she could do for Ripper was to bring her canisters of spores to apologies whenever the spore drive was used.</p><p>****</p><p>“What’s bothering you, Michael?” Philippa noticed Michael’s solemn mood during one of their nightly calls.</p><p>“She is in pain, Philippa and we are causing it. You have always told me to take good care of those in my care. She’s under my care.”</p><p>“Oh Michael, I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“I don’t know what to do. Tell me what I should do, Philippa?”</p><p>Philippa’s heart broke at Michael’s anguish. There was no place in war for a soul as sensitive and pure as Michael.</p><p>“Kobayashi Maru. It is virtually impossible for you to spare Ripper’s pain, keeps the spore drive long jump navigation operational and still save those under Klingons attack. If we are on the Shenzhou right now, what would I do Michael?”</p><p>“You would save as many lives as possible from the Klingons. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.”</p><p>“Yes Michael that would be my decision as captain and commanding officer. Am I still your captain, Michael?”</p><p>“Of course, Philippa. How could you question that?”</p><p>“Then accept what you need to do as my decision. As your captain, I assigned you to the Discovery to find a way to help us win this war and you have performed your duty admirably.</p><p>When the time comes to stand in judgment, I will bear the consequences for our transgressions against this sentient being. We are fighting a losing war and right now the cost of success is far cheaper that the price of failure.</p><p>Do you think less of me for my decision and what I ask of you, Michael?”</p><p>“No, Philippa. I would never think that. You bear so much and always out of hope and compassion.”</p><p>“Then you have your answer. We can still hold on to our humanity and our values in spite of the sacrifices we need to make. Remember this Michael, all situations are impermanent, ever changing. Even in impossible situations, small windows of opportunity exist.</p><p>In space exploration we encounter phenomena that defy the laws of the universe and in science we develop technologies that bend the laws of physics. You are a brilliant scientist, Michael and your heart is in the right place. That is your guiding light to finding the solution you need. I have faith in you.”</p><p>“Thank you, Philippa. Talking to you always helps. I will take your words to heart. You are wrong about one thing though. You are my guiding light, Philippa.”</p><p>****</p><p>Their nightly calls were becoming irregular and less frequent. Philippa was often kept away by ongoing war effort and Michael had been busy trying to find an alternative solution for the spore drive long jump navigation while maintaining her research into cloaking detection theories. In a brainstorming session with Lieutenant Stamets and Ensign Tilly, the trio devised a hypospray containing tardigrade DNA that could potentially enable a gene transfer to a human host effectively creating a willing human interface as the spore drive navigation control. However Starfleet had stringent regulations on eugenics experiments.   </p><p>Then the Discovery got caught in an impossible situation when Captain Lorca was captured by the Klingons while the tardigrade went into a hibernation mode due to extreme physiological stress. Faced with another Kobayashi Maru scenario Michael used the hypospray on herself. The Discovery made the necessary spore drive powered long jumps and was able to rescue Captain Lorca and escape from the Klingons.</p><p>Michael finally understood why the tardigrade screamed in agony whenever the spore drive was used. The infinite knowledge held within the mycelium universe was beyond the brain capacity of any known organic species. The neurological strain from being connected to the mycelial network manifested in agonising physical pain. Michael deemed it a necessary sacrifice on her part and was rewarded when she was given permission by Captain Lorca to release Ripper back into space.</p><p>****</p><p>“What have you done, Michael!” Philippa was livid that Michael could be so reckless with her own life.</p><p>“I did what I had to do to rescue Captain Lorca. We were caught in an impossible situation and there was only a small window of opportunity to act so I took it.”</p><p>Philippa was reminded of what she told Michael before and sighed in resignation. When Michael said she would take Philippa’s words to heart, she did not expect it would happen so literally.</p><p>“How do you really feel, Michael? Are there any side effects? I’m really worried about you.”</p><p>“I’m fine. I promise. It’s agonizing when I’m connected but there are no physical side effects. Dr Culber has given me a thorough examination and cleared me for duty.”</p><p>“But there is something else.”</p><p>“I can never hide anything from you. It’s hard to explain. When I’m inside the mycelial network, time and space feels so different like an unfamiliar concept. Reality is somewhat distorted yet tangible, infinite possibilities exist. I’m not sure if the law of this universe applies in there. It’s absolutely fascinating and utterly terrifying at the same time.”</p><p>“I don’t pretend to know what you mean Michael but thank you for sharing. You can always talk to me about anything even things that I may not understand. You are one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. If anyone can make sense of the mycelium universe, it would be you.”</p><p>Michael left out the neurological trauma she suffered from being connected to the spore drive. Philippa had enough worries as it was.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. USS Discovery Part II</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Members of the Federation war council were getting anxious and desperate so Admiral Cornwell boarded the Discovery to deliver an ultimatum to the team.</p><p>“The spore drive technology gives us a huge tactical advantage but not enough to win this war. So far it has proven to be effective in defensive and rescue missions. Starfleet needs something that can give us an offensive advantage. A technology that can detect Klingon cloaked vessels before an attack. I need the team absolute focus and commitment to get us back on track on the original goals of this project.</p><p>Base on Command’s projection, if the war keeps its current course, surrender is imminent within six months. We are running out of time. The team has four weeks to find a solution or it will all be futile.”</p><p>The demand weighed heavily on every team member. They debated over theories, ran countless simulations, but the end goal continued to elude them. Michael hadn’t spoken with Philippa in days. Then they got the news that three Starfleet vessels were engaged in a confrontation with Klingons at Starbase 74 near Tarsas III. Starfleet succeeded in defending the base but not without casualties. The Shenzhou was one of the starships involved.</p><p>The communicator in Michael’s hand was shaking as she tried unsuccessfully to contact Philippa. Michael was sick with worry, barely able to contain the crippling dread pooling in the pit of her stomach.</p><p>“Danby, I’m so glad you answered. What’s the status on the Shenzhou? Is Captain Georgiou alright? Are you alright?”</p><p>“Michael, Captain Georgiou and I are both alright. We are fine.”</p><p>“I can’t get hold of the captain. She’s not answering her comms.”</p><p>“She’s indisposed right now. The ship took some heavy hits and is badly damaged. We lost 11 crew members on board but I don’t have the full report yet. We are still tending to the wounded.”</p><p>“Who did we lost, Danby?”</p><p>“Mostly from maintenance and a few from engineering. We lost Sinclair, McCoy, Jal, Dimar, Lursa, Har’du, Polanski, Q, Sela, Siskol and Zeke.”</p><p>“Danby, listen to me. Lursa was Aoife’s cousin. She and Aoife were close and she was at their engagement. Philippa takes every death hard but losing Lursa is personal. I know things must be chaotic right now and she’s needed as the captain. When you get the chance, please get her to call me no matter the time.”</p><p>“I will Michael. I promise. And I will keep an eye on her.”</p><p>“Thank you, Danby.”</p><p>Danby sighed heavily when he ended the call. He did not tell Michael that Dr Nambue was currently treating the captain for chest pain. Philippa had made Danby swore not to tell Michael when he walked in on the captain hunched over her chair in the ready room one hand gripping her chest tightly and her face contorted in pain.</p><p>****</p><p>It was 0300 hours when Michael’s comm chirped. She answered immediately.</p><p>“Michael..” Philippa’s tired voice was coarse and thick with emotion.</p><p>“I’m here, Philippa. I’m right here.”</p><p>They remained silent for a long while, only the sound of breathing audible through the communicators.</p><p>“We have lost so many in this war. It doesn’t get any easier. I lost 11 crew members today.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Philippa.”</p><p>“Lursa was among one of them…I told you once I’ve seen a life of loss but still chose hope. I am so tired of losing people Michael. I know this moment will pass and we will go on, I know I cannot lose hope. But I am tired Michael…so very tired.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Philippa. You just need to hang on for a little longer. I will find a way for us to win this war. I promise I will.”</p><p>“Oh my dear Michael. I should not have put this burden on you.”</p><p>“This burden is a blessing because it is a testament of our bond. Losses are finite but hope is infinite. Your hope will make anything possible Philippa.”</p><p>“Then I choose hope for us Michael. Thank you for being here for me, for being you.”</p><p>“I will always be here for you. <em>Come ti vidi m’innamorai, e tu sorridi perché lo sai</em>.”</p><p>“When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew. Verdi. You say the most beautiful things, Michael.”</p><p>“You can thank Amanda for that. She insisted I don’t neglect Earth literature and art in my education even though I thought them to be fatuous and delusive.”  </p><p>“And now?”</p><p>“Now I find them very valuable in the greatest quest of my life yet.”</p><p>“And what quest is that?”</p><p>“A worthy courtship is a commitment. You need to rest, Philippa. Goodnight, t’hy’la. Sleep well.”</p><p>“Goodnight, Michael.”</p><p>****</p><p>If Michael was determined before she was now unrelenting in her obsession to find a solution. She hardly slept or ate and spent all her time in the lab.  </p><p>“We don’t have enough data. We need more. We need live readings of energy fields around an actual cloaked Klingon starship.”</p><p>“How do you propose we do that? We only encounter them when they reveal themselves and that’s usually when we are under attack.” Lieutenant Stamets hated to admit it but he found Michael to be one of the very few people he considered to be truly intelligent and ingenious.</p><p>“We need to place sensors aboard one of their starships.”</p><p>“Again same question. How do you propose we do that?”</p><p>“We use the spore drive to jump inside the defensive shields to the sky above one of the Klingon planets and beam a team down to the surface. The team will infiltrate one of the docked Klingon starships to plant the sensors then we will jump in again to retrieve them.”</p><p>“Let’s say hypothetically that Captain Lorca agrees to this, which Klingon planet are we planning to jump to?”</p><p>“Qo’noS.” Michael answered confidently.</p><p>“Have you gone insane? I knew being connected to the mycelial network will eventually fry your brain. You are proposing that we jump into the sky above Qo’noS, the capital of the Klingon Empire. Presumably undetected, beam a team down to mingle with the locals, board a Klingon starship right under their very noses, clandestinely plant a series of sensors, avoid capture and not to forget without getting killed in the process.” Ensign Tilly’s shrilling pitch clearly indicated she thought Michael’s plan preposterous and suicidal.</p><p>“Yes, that pretty much sums it up.”</p><p>“I think it’s a brilliant plan. The Klingons do not expect Starfleet to cross the Federation-Klingon border let alone attempt to enter their capital. The Discovery spore drive technology is still a safely guarded secret right now but it may not be for long. We need to take advantage of this and act quickly.</p><p>I found a map of Qo’noS in the stolen data files. It took longer to decrypt because it was classified. This can help us plot the ideal entry point for the jump. I will brief Admiral Cornwell immediately.” Commander Spock offered in his usual composed and monotone voice.</p><p>****</p><p>Miraculously the mission on Qo’noS succeeded without a hitch. The team gathered sufficient data to develop an algorithm to detect the electromagnetic aberrations created by the cloaking technology. In addition, they found traces of tachyon left by the cloaking system, a subatomic particle that naturally existed at faster-than-light velocities.   </p><p>They started formulating new theories and trialling different prototype detection techniques. Commander Spock and his team finally presented three solutions to Admiral Cornwell which was promptly actioned upon by Starfleet.</p><p>A new type of sensor that used tachyon beam to detect tachyon emissions from cloaking devices would be installed on all Starfleet vessels providing detection and warning when cloaked vessels were in proximity.</p><p>Starships with combat capabilities would be equipped with tachyon sensor and uploaded with an algorithm the team has formulated which could detect blips in electromagnetic fields and triangulate the location of cloaked Klingon vessels for targeted attacks.</p><p>Orders were sent out to implement tachyon detection grid at Federation space stations, outposts, colony settlements and strategic locations along the Federation-Klingon border.</p><p>With the success of the project, Starfleet was confident the tide of war would soon turn in their favour. Michael was looking forward to returning to the Shenzhou and retaking her position as Captain Georgiou’s first officer.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>****Aboard the USS Shenzhou****</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Philippa woke up in sickbay. Her mind felt fuzzy, her whole body ached like she just went a few rounds with a Klingon in hand-to-hand combat. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What happened?" Philippa rasped, her voice hoarse and her throat felt unusually dry.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You collapsed on the bridge from stress and exhaustion."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I feel fine." Philippa lied, she needed to get back to her duties. There was so much she needed to do and prepare for the upcoming battle.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You are not fine. We knew there was a risk of that your heart could be weakened from the toxin on the Klingon blade. I had hoped the effect would not be long term but I’m afraid it is likely permanent now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your heart is not as strong as it was before and you are susceptible to various heart conditions. Right now you're suffering from stress cardiomyopathy. Your blood pressure is low and you're also dehydrated. You need to slow down and pace yourself or you will be in serious risk of a cardiac arrest."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Philippa closed her eyes and sunk back into the biobed. Her body could not fail her now, not at this crucial stage of the war. The upcoming operation could be Starfleet best chance to end this war once and for all. She did not even want to think about the conversation she needed to have with Michael but she owed it to her first officer. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Do whatever’s necessary. Just get me back on my feet. There must be some medication you can inject me with."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"There are but these drugs are temporary measures. I can treat you but I cannot cure you. If you do not slow down and continue to push yourself like this, your symptoms will persist regardless of treatment.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Proper treatment and recovery will take time. The longer you delay the higher risk this will lead to life threatening complications.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t have time, Anton. I need you to do this for me, please.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“If this war doesn't kill you, I’m afraid your heart will. I’ll do what I can but I need you in sickbay for 3 to 5 days to administer an effective temporary treatment."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You have two days, Anton.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>****</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Captain Gabriel Lorca assembled the team to present them with the Scientific Legion of Honor for their outstanding scientific contribution in the Federation-Klingon war.</p><p>“On behalf of Starfleet, I commend you for your invaluable contribution in science and your valiant effort in this war. Your scientific ingenuity could be the difference between winning and losing this war. So congratulations and thank you.</p><p>Commander Spock, it has been an honour to have you aboard the Discovery. I’ve received order to make arrangement for your return to the USS Enterprise.</p><p>Dismissed. Commander Burnham, please stay.”</p><p>“Thank you, Captain Lorca. It was an honour serving with you all. Live long and prosper.” Commander Spock bid his farewell to the team.</p><p>Captain Lorca was not looking forward to be the person to deliver Michael Burnham her new orders. He held Philippa’s protégé in high esteem. The commander has more than earned his respect. Michael’s records on the Shenzhou and her performance on the Discovery justified Philippa’s confidence and praise for her first officer. It was not the commander’s capabilities the captain was worried about, it was her obvious attachment to her soon-to-be former captain. Philippa’s relationship with her first office was Starfleet worst kept secret. Regardless whether the relationship had been consummated, their love and their bond were undeniable.  </p><p>Michael was anxious because she had not heard from Philippa since the project concluded and Spock had already received his order to return to the Enterprise.  </p><p>“Commander Burnham, I have been tasked to deliver your new order from Starfleet Command. You have been officially reassigned to the USS Discovery as a specialist in the Science and Engineering department.”</p><p>“I don’t understand, Sir. Reassigned for how long?” Michael refused to make sense of her new order.</p><p>“I’m afraid it is a permanent assignment, Commander Burnham.”</p><p>“According to Starfleet protocol, Captain Georgiou should be the one to deliver my reassignment order, Sir.” It took all of Michael’s Vulcan control to maintain her composure. She would not expose her internal turmoil to Captain Lorca who apparently would be her new commanding officer.</p><p><em>This cannot be happening. This should not be happening.</em> But Michael already knew in her heart that her destiny was bound to the USS Discovery.</p><p>“I cannot comment on behalf of Captain Georgiou. The order came directly from Command. That is all, Commander. Dismissed.”</p><p>“Yes, Captain.”</p><p>****</p><p>The team was given a few days off for their hard work. Michael had no plans as she was expecting to return to the Shenzhou. The Shenzhou was somewhere light years away in a different planetary system. Technically the spore drive could allow the Discovery to get there in a blink of the eye except she would probably be court-martialled for misusing the technology for personal gain.</p><p>Michael sat in her quarter meditating on everything that had happened in the four months since she came aboard the Discovery. She replayed every conversation she had with Philippa. Philippa gave no indication whatsoever that Michael would not be returning to the Shenzhou. Michael knew that after she effectively made herself the Discovery spore drive human navigator, her fate would irrevocably be tied to the ship. However, she was planning on developing a non-human interface which was conceptually possible. She just needed more time and was not overly concerned. Her biggest trepidation was not hearing from her captain. There was something amiss about the whole situation and it set Michael’s nerves on the edge. She sent Danby another subspace message to contact her urgently.</p><p>Her PADD beeped indicating she received an internal message from the ship. Michael had been assigned a permanent quarter on the senior crew deck and given a new shift rotation. Her main duties would be in the engineering and science lab but she noticed Captain Lorca had assigned her to the science station on the Discovery bridge three times a week.  </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>****Flashback****</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The first time Michael Burnham met Captain Philippa Georgiou.</em>
</p><p><strong> <em>Captain Georgiou:</em> </strong> <em> Ambassador Sarek, it's good to see you again.</em><br/>
<strong> <em>Sarek:</em> </strong> <em> Thank you for receiving us, Captain Georgiou.</em><br/>
<strong> <em>Captain Georgiou:</em> </strong> <em> The pleasure is ours.</em><br/>
<strong> <em>Sarek:</em> </strong> <em> As discussed, this is my ward, Michael Burnham.</em><br/>
<strong> <em>Captain Georgiou:</em> </strong> <em> Hello, Michael. Welcome to the USS Shenzhou. And congratulations on your recent commencement.</em></p><p>
  <em>Philippa extended a handshake which Michael promptly ignored.</em>
</p><p><strong> <em>Michael Burnham:</em> </strong> <em> Respect is earned, as is friendliness.</em><br/>
<strong> <em>Sarek:</em> </strong> <em> Yet diplomatic niceties must be observed.</em><br/>
<strong> <em>Michael Burnham:</em> </strong> <em> This is hardly a negotiation.</em><br/>
<strong> <em>Captain Georgiou :</em> </strong> <em> First contact, then. The only human to attend the Vulcan Learning Center and Science Academy rejoins her own kind. You can see my analogy, more or less.</em><br/>
<strong> <em>Michael Burnham:</em> </strong> <em> Less.</em></p><p>
  <em>****</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The first time Michael Burnham entered the bridge of the USS Shenzhou.</em>
</p><p><strong> <em>Captain Georgiou:</em> </strong> <em> Not too shabby, huh?</em><br/>
<strong> <em>Michael Burnham:</em> </strong> <em> It appears to be functional.</em><br/>
<strong> <em>Captain Georgiou:</em> </strong> <em> I understand your hesitation, Michael. It's hard leaving Vulcan and everything you've known behind. But I assure you, this can be your new home, if you want it to be.</em></p><p>
  <em>Though Philippa has meant the USS Shenzhou at the time, Michael Burnham did find her home on the Shenzhou, just not the home she expected.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>****End Flashback****</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Michael settled into her permanent crew quarter aboard the USS Discovery. This would now be her new home in space but Michael was terribly homesick. She did not know when she would return home again, to her true home, Philippa.  </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Duty above Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was 1400 hours when Ensign Danby Connor finally called.</p><p>“She collapsed on the bridge around 0300 hours this morning. She regained consciousness shortly after but will be confined to sickbay for at least a few days. I don’t have the details you need to speak with Dr Nambue.”</p><p>“Damn it! What was she doing on the bridge at 0300 hours?”</p><p>“There’s something happening higher up at Command but I can’t be certain. She was called to a war council meeting two days ago. I escorted her but the details of the meeting are classified. She seemed disturbed when we returned, more so than usual and has not left her ready room since. Lieutenant Saru has been covering her shifts. She only came out to say goodnight to the bridge crew when she collapsed.”</p><p>“Thank you for telling me, Danby. I will speak with Dr Nambue.”</p><p>If Michael was anxious before she was frantic with worry now. Michael called Dr Nambue immediately after she ended her call with Danby.</p><p>“Dr Nambue, how is Captain Georgiou?”</p><p>“Her condition is stable at this time but she is required to undergo a treatment course for the next two days. That is all I can tell you.”</p><p>“That’s not telling me anything. Dr Nambue, I need to know, please?” Michael pleaded.</p><p>“I’m sorry Commander Burnham, I cannot tell you more without the captain’s permission. I know you’re worried but I need you to trust me right now.”</p><p>“Can I at least speak with the captain then?”</p><p>“She’s currently sedated as part of the treatment protocol. I cannot recommend you speak with her until the treatment is completed. I’ve blocked all her communications until she’s released from sickbay.</p><p>Commander, I am telling you because I know how much she means to you. Her body is under a tremendous amount of stress. She cannot keep on pushing herself or her condition will become life threatening. When you do speak with her again, please remember this.”</p><p>“Thank you Dr Nambue. I understand and thank you so much for taking care of her. Can you please let me know when she’s released?”</p><p>“I will Commander. Please take care of yourself.”</p><p>****</p><p>There was nothing Michael could do when she's light years away from Philippa. She could hack into the captain’s medical file but respecting Philippa’s privacy was paramount. Michael spent her off days in solitude and meditation. Vulcan culture frowned upon making speculations. There were several issues to contemplate which may or may not be related. Michael’s eidetic memory had served her well in solving challenging problems. She would use it to her advantage and employ deductive reasoning to analyse and conclude the most logical explanation on recent events.</p><p>Firstly, there was Michael’s permanent reassignment to the USS Discovery. This was a significant career move for a Starfleet officer. Michael was a first officer and second-in-command aboard the USS Shenzhou. Philippa had implied many times that Michael was ready for captaincy. The reassignment was not necessary a demotion but a drastic change in her career path nonetheless. Philippa took great care of her crew and personally oversaw their career, ensuring that every crew member had the best path befitting their talent and passion. The order might have come from Command but it was within Philippa’s authority to decide differently.</p><p>The logical conclusion would be that Philippa had intended for Michael’s career path to be on the USS Discovery. Philippa always told Michael she was a brilliant scientist and encouraged Michael’s passion in science. Discovery was one of Starfleet’s most technologically advanced starships. It would not be a surprising choice for Philippa to choose for Michael. However, Philippa would not have made the decision without discussing with Michael first. The war would have disrupted her original plan and perhaps forced her to move her timeline forward. Her recent assignment provided the unexpected opportunity but it was Michael’s decision to inject herself with the tardigrade’s DNA that inadvertently sealed her destiny. Michael was certain Philippa would have wanted to personally deliver her reassignment order. Whatever happened at the war council meeting unsettled the captain and then she had collapsed and forced the task upon Captain Lorca.</p><p>This brought Michael to the second and most worrying issue, Philippa’s health. Philippa was notoriously uncooperative when it came to her health but the captain was incredibly fit and agile for her age and bore the burden of captaincy effortlessly. It was true that the burden of this war weighed notably on the captain but Philippa was a remarkably resilient person. Philippa could have lied when she told Michael that there were no lingering effects to her injuries from her ordeal aboard the Klingon warship and Dr Nambue told her this morning that the captain’s condition could become life threatening. Klingon weapons are known to carry toxin especially those used by assassins. Michael may not be a medical doctor but she did have significant medical knowledge. The logical conclusion would be that Philippa was more injured during their mission than she let on and had developed chronic and life threatening complications from her injuries.</p><p>The third issue was the most troubling and may be harder to uncover because it posed regulatory challenge. What took place behind closed doors at the war council meeting and why was the captain called to the meeting. The team had provided Starfleet with three actionable plans none of which merit such extreme concern from the captain. Unless the war council was planning to use their latest breakthrough technologies including the spore drive on an offensive attack on the Klingon Empire or they had unravelled other intelligence she was unaware of. Captain Philippa Georgiou was widely regarded as Starfleet best war strategist and that could easily explain her presence being requested at the war council meeting. The captain was a diplomat by nature and often insistent on peaceful negotiation over hostile confrontation but Philippa was also a fiercely loyal and dutiful Starfleet officer.  </p><p>The captain lived by her words that the need of the many outweighed the need of the few mostly her own. It was unlikely that Philippa would be so greatly distressed by any sacrifices Starfleet would demand of her. The logical conclusion would be that whatever the war council was planning Philippa played a vital role. It would most likely result in massive loss of lives and/or the captain had to knowingly risks many lives including her own to carry out her orders. Michael could not imagine what Philippa must be going through if her orders were to sacrifice the crew aboard the Shenzhou or if Philippa was asked to sacrifice Michael to end this war. The thought sent shivers down her spine.  </p><p>Lastly, the most challenging conundrum, to determine what this meant for them. The future was no more uncertain than the present. There were too many variables and unknowns at play. Michael knew only one thing for certain and that was her bond with Philippa. It was a universal constant, it was absolute and it was permanent. Michael knew this certainty to be true not just for herself but for Philippa as well. Galaxies apart even if for an eternity would change everything and nothing between them.    </p><p>As far as her Starfleet career was concerned, Michael would give that up in an instant for Philippa though it was unlikely the captain would ever allow it. Michael loved the stars and Philippa was the brightest among them. Michael would do anything for Philippa including letting her go because Philippa’s happiness meant everything to Michael. The dilemma was that Philippa would do exactly the same for Michael. Personal choices were charitable and more forgiving but what would Michael do if she held the fate of others in her hand. Would Michael sacrifice her beliefs and principles for Philippa? Would Michael forgive Philippa for everything and anything? Would Michael risk humanity for love? </p><p>****</p><p>“Commander Burnham, Captain Georgiou has completed her treatment and was released from sickbay an hour ago. I have requested her to rest for an extra day before returning to duty but I doubt she will listen. I expect she will call you soon. She seemed anxious to talk to you. Remember what I told you before and take care of her. She may not admit it but she does listen to you.” As promised Dr Nambue contacted Commander Burnham after he released the captain. To Dr Nambue’s dismay, the captain had not responded as well to treatment as he had hoped. </p><p>Michael was just as anxious to speak with Philippa but she was mostly worried about the captain. Michael took a few deep breaths and centred herself before she answered her comm.</p><p>“Michael..” Philippa sounded weak and all the emotions Michael spent the past two days meditating on came gushing to the surface at the sound of her captain’s voice. A voice she hadn’t heard in 6 days 18 hours and 22 minutes.  </p><p>“Philippa, I’ve been so worried.” Michael could not hold back her solicitude and fear.</p><p>“Oh Michael, I’m sorry I didn’t call you or reply your messages for so many days. I’m so sorry I made you worried. Can you forgive me?”</p><p>“There’s nothing to forgive, Philippa. You never have to say sorry, not to me. You already have so much to do and you have been unwell. Are you okay? How are you really feeling?”</p><p>Philippa knew Michael well enough to know she would have spent her time meditating on recent events, analysing and coming to the most logical deduction. Philippa wanted to approach each matter as honestly as she could and hopefully she could spare Michael as much unnecessary emotional upheaval as possible.</p><p>“I’m quite alright now, Michael. I promise I am. It seems the Klingon blade has some kind of toxin that has weakened my heart. Starfleet does not have sufficient knowledge of Klingon weaponry to know the full extent of the effect or how to correctly treat it. I did not tell you this before because we were not certain if there will indeed be any long term effect.</p><p>With this war and everything that’s been happening, it led to stress cardiomyopathy. I’ve been getting heart palpitations and occasional chest pain in the last four months. The fatigue was getting worst, also the headache and dizziness. That’s why I passed out on the bridge. I didn’t mean to scare you.”</p><p>Guilt was a devouring beast, it burrowed its way through Michael’s heart and mind. The people she loved the most always suffered from her actions. Her parents died because she wanted to stay to watch a supernova. The Vulcan Learning Centre was attacked and her foster family put at risk because they took her in. Philippa almost died saving Michael and now suffered from an incurable heart condition. She knew Philippa probably gave her the sugar-coated version of her condition. She would deal with her guilt and grief later. What she needed to do now was offer her captain relief and support and let Philippa know Michael would always be there for her.</p><p>“Thank you for telling me the truth, Philippa. You did scare me but I trust my crewmates to look after you. They love you Captain, please let them take care of you.”</p><p>It broke Philippa’s heart hearing Michael called her captain and referred to the Shenzhou crew as her crewmates. The next topic would be unpleasant but she owed it to her former first officer.</p><p>“Michael, about your reassignment you must know I wanted to tell you personally. I owed it to you as your captain and your mentor.”</p><p>“I know, Philippa. I’m not upset. Don’t ever think that you owe me anything. You don’t and you are not going to apologies because you collapsed from extreme stress and a heart condition.”</p><p>“I want to explain, Michael because you deserve to know. I’ve told you more than once that you will make an excellent captain. I thought I had more time to execute my plans, for your promotion and my eventual retirement. Then the war started.</p><p>I had wanted you to take over my place as the captain of the Shenzhou. I can be here for your transition to captaincy and remain on board as your mentor for a year or two until I retire and the Shenzhou decommissioned. After which you will eventually be given the captaincy on the USS Discovery. You are caring, courageous, honourable and so brilliant. You deserve the best vessel Starfleet has to offer. I’ve always wanted only the very best for you, Michael.</p><p>The recent project presented a perfect opportunity for you to see the Discovery for yourself and all its technological wonders; and to see how you will fare under another captain. Your performance aboard the Discovery exceeded everyone’s expectation. You know I would never take your career lightly or intentionally send you away, Michael. I had wanted to discuss it with you first but once you were on the Discovery, things took its own course.”</p><p>Michael had been right so far in her deduction about Philippa’s health and her reassignment. She did not want to push her captain but Michael feared her deduction on the next matter to be true as well. This was the matter that troubled Michael deeply because she knew it was what finally pushed the captain to her collapse.</p><p>“I know, Philippa. I would never doubt your intentions and I know you always wanted the best for me. I changed my own path when I injected myself with the tardigrade's DNA. It was not your fault. But my assignment on the Discovery does not have to be permanent. Give me some time and I promise I can find a non-human interface solution for the spore drive navigation. There is no need to rush my promotion. I can still return to the Shenzhou and we can proceed with your original plan when the war is over.” Michael tried to plead her case.</p><p>“I...I cannot change your reassignment order. I’m so sorry, Michael.”</p><p>“Because there is something else you haven’t told me. I know you attended a war council meeting recently, something happened in that meeting. Something deeply unsettling because I know you Philippa. I’ve watched you in battles, you don’t get rattled easily.” Michael pushed on.    </p><p>Philippa closed her eyes and leaned back on her work chair. She could feel the slow onset of a headache. Michael was always too smart for her own good. Michael deserved more from Philippa than the burden she had put upon her former first officer and what she needed to demand of her still.</p><p>“There are things I cannot tell you, Michael. Not because I don’t want to but because I am bound by Starfleet regulations and protocols. I am a captain foremost and I’ve sworn an oath to Starfleet. War demands sacrifices from all of us.    </p><p>Discovery is the safest place for you to be and where you need to be. You made a difference Michael, you gave the Federation a fighting chance and you will help us win this war. I could not be more proud of you. Now, the rest of us have to do our part.  </p><p>I know I’ve asked so much of you already but I need to ask you to do one last thing for me. This will be my last command to you as your captain. I need you to obey Captain Lorca and the orders he will give you. I want you to make Discovery your new home, I want you to become the best captain in Starfleet history someday, I want you to explore the stars to the ends of the universe, I want you to be the best of who you can be, I want you to live your life to the fullest and I want you to love and be as happy as can be. Will you obey your captain, will you obey me one last time, Michael?”</p><p>Michael wiped away her tears angrily. She hated herself for being weak when Philippa needed her to be strong. She pressed a hand over her mouth trying to stifle her sobs but she knew Philippa heard her.</p><p>“Oh my dear Michael, it’s going to be okay. I promise, you’re going to be okay.” There were many promises that Philippa could not make but she had to believe that Michael would be okay, she needed Michael to be okay.  </p><p>“How, Philippa? How can anything be okay? What are you really trying to tell me? Are you trying to say goodbye? Because I do not accept. There will never be any goodbyes between us. Don’t you know that by now? You cannot ask this of me!” Michael realised her voice had gone up a few notches and quickly regretted it.</p><p>“Michael, I…mmm” Philippa let out a muffled groan when a sudden sharp pain erupted in the chest. She pressed a hand over her chest and took a few shallow breathe. The pain went away just as quickly.</p><p>“Philippa, are you okay? Philippa?” Dr Nambue’s warning rang in Michael’s ears. <em>Her body is under a tremendous amount of stress. She cannot keep on pushing herself or her condition will become life threatening.</em></p><p>“I’m okay, Michael. It’s just a sudden chest pain, it’s gone now.”</p><p>“You need to go see Dr Nambue. Please, Philippa.”</p><p>“There’s nothing more he can do for me, Michael. I’m okay, I promise. I just need to rest. But I cannot rest when I know you’re not okay. I never want to hurt you, Michael. You must know that. I have only ever wanted to protect you and do what’s best for you.”</p><p>“And you did protect me and you made me so happy. You still make me so happy and you will always make me happy. It doesn’t matter that we’re light-years apart right now. It doesn’t matter that we are in the middle of a war. You taught me that all situations are impermanent. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves.</p><p>I will obey your command, Captain. Not for the last time. I will always obey your command because you will always be my captain. I will do my duty as a Starfleet officer, I will uphold my oath to Starfleet and I will do whatever is required of me in this war.</p><p>But I need you to promise me you will do whatever it takes to stay alive. You are my home Philippa. I want you to promise me I will have a home to come back to when this war is over. No matter what it takes, I will come home. Will you promise to keep my home safe, Philippa? Please promise me, please.”</p><p>“Oh Michael, my dear Michael. I promise I will do everything I can to keep your home safe until you return.” Philippa would do everything she could to keep her promise to Michael or she would die trying, a paradox in itself.</p><p>"Can I...can I call you every night, Philippa? I know like before it may not always be possible but I want to try."</p><p>"I would like that, Michael.”</p><p>“You must rest now, Philippa. Promise me you will rest.”</p><p>“I promise, Michael.”</p><p>“Goodnight, t’hy’la.”</p><p>“Goodnight, Michael.”</p><p>Michael was too worried about Philippa to sleep so she sent her a subspace message then headed to the holodeck for a hand-to-hand combat training session with Klingons.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>“If eternity is the time I must wait,</em><br/>
<em>Then I will wait for all eternity</em><br/>
<em>For as supernova fades away,</em><br/>
<em>Your hope illuminates the way</em><br/>
<em>For as long as the sun rises and the stars shine,</em><br/>
<em>Our bond will remain forever the same”</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>There was no fate but what they made. The war, the Klingons, the Federation, the gods and the universe be damned. Michael Burnham would carve her own fate and she would not let anything or anyone take her home away.</p><p>But it was not wise to dare the universe.  </p><p>****</p><p>It was Michael’s first bridge duty on the USS Discovery. She entered the bridge precisely at 0559 hours. Captain Lorca was already on the bridge. Michael greeted her new captain and took over the science station from Lieutenant Commander Airiam.</p><p>Captain Gabriel Lorca was ambitious, resourceful, direct, brusque and demanded unquestionable loyalty from his crew. However, Michael had caught glimpses of a gentler personality behind the captain’s cold and impassive facade. Michael was an astute observer. The captain’s demeanour changed in the presence of his oldest friends, namely Admiral Cornwell and Captain Georgiou. Captain Lorca also seemed more attentive with Michael, taking upon himself to be her new mentor.           </p><p>Michael was contented with her first official week aboard the Discovery because she had been able to talk to Philippa every night. Her former captain assured her that she had been resting more. Philippa’s voice was getting stronger and she did not sound as tired. </p><p>“You sound really cheerful tonight, Philippa.”</p><p>“If you ever have Danby serve under your command, never send him on a covert mission Michael. He’s a really good kid but he makes a terrible spy.”</p><p>“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Michael feigned innocence. She warned Danby to be subtle but she could not really blame him because hardly anything ever got past the captain.</p><p>“My favourite brew of tea waiting for me on the bridge every morning, bringing food tray to me in my ready room when I skipped lunch, volunteering to escort me everywhere even on the ship, should I go on?”</p><p>“Maybe he just really likes you. You are his mentor after all and spending time with you is the best way to learn.”</p><p>“He’s my operations officer not my personal butler, Michael. But I think it’s very sweet and thoughtful of you. You’re spoiling me, Michael.”</p><p>“Then I’m doing something right. I am trying to court you after all.”</p><p>“You’re incorrigible.” Michael’s reward was Philippa’s laughter. She wished for nothing more. The music in Philippa’s laughter filled the missing notes in Michael’s soul.</p><p>“Goodnight, t’hy’la. Take care of my home.”</p><p>“Goodnight, Michael.”</p><p>Starfleet had no medical cure for Klingon toxin but Michael Burnham vowed to heal her captain’s heart. Michael sent Philippa a subspace message before heading to bed, a habit she had developed recently. They fell asleep separated by the vastness of space but inseparable in their dreams and hope.   </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>“Your laughter is holy</em><br/>
<em>It is as sacred as life and the secrets of the universe</em><br/>
<em>Your laughter is like a prayer</em><br/>
<em>Like a bridge across the astral realm where our souls meet</em><br/>
<em>Your laughter is mercy</em><br/>
<em>It heals, it forgives and it set us free”</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Michael spent all her free time on the Discovery researching on a non-human or rather a non-sentient interface solution for the spore drive navigation system. The frequent jumps were not without side effects. Dr Culber was worried that the commander would suffer serious neurological trauma if she continued. Michael would often lose consciousness for a few seconds, sometimes minutes whenever she exited the mycelium navigation chamber. Other times she would appear dazed and disoriented.</p><p>After one particularly long series of jumps, Michael collapsed when she exited the mycelial network and did not regain consciousness for 5 hours. She became withdrawn after the incident, choosing to take all her meals in her room and kept her conversations with her crewmates curt. Captain Lorca noticed the change in his commander and privately altered their schedules to avoid long jumps. Michael had a pivotal role on the Discovery but it was his old friend Philippa’s request to look after her protégé that promptly Gabriel to act. It would break Philippa’s heart if something were to happen to Michael.</p><p>Michael knew that logical she should not try to make sense of what happened inside the mycelial network. But what she experienced was so real and there was no one she could share it with. The only person she wanted to share it with was the same person she could not.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>****Flashback inside the mycelial network****</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Michael stood in the Discovery captain’s ready room gazing sadly out of the viewport, silent tears flowing down both cheeks. She wore a Starfleet captain’s uniform and she held in her hand Philippa’s captain badge. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>****</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Michael held a dying Philippa in her arms in the ruins of the Temple of G’boj on Qo’noS.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m not afraid. I’m ready to be with my Michael. Don’t let her go. Don’t let her push you away. Find your way back home, Michael. Go home to your Philippa.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Philippa gave Michael a silver vial then she raised a hand and brushed Michael’s cheek weakly before she closed her eyes and her body went limp in Michael’s arms.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>****</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Michael held Philippa’s hand in hers as they strolled leisurely along the beach of Pulau Langkawi. Philippa looked older and thinner and still so breathtakingly beautiful. Michael whispered something in Philippa’s ear causing the captain to throw her head back and laughed delightfully.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Michael let go of Philippa’s hand and put some distance between them then held up a camera. She started snapping photographs of the captain as she smiled radiantly and affectionately at Michael, a gentle breeze caressing her face and blowing at her long wavy hair. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>****End flashback****</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Talk to me, Michael. Please…I’m really worried about you.”</p><p>“I’m okay. I don’t want you to worry.” Michael offered a weak and unconvincing reply.</p><p>“I cannot help but worry, Michael. You take on so much upon yourself. I know you have been experiencing traumatic side effects from being inside the mycelial network. You don’t have to keep doing the jumps. The tide of war is slowly starting to shift. You’ve done more than enough, Michael.”</p><p>“I’m okay, Philippa. I can handle the physiological stress and side effects. I promise.”</p><p>“Then tell me what’s really bothering you, Michael?”</p><p>“I see things when I’m inside the mycelial network. It doesn’t feel like hallucinations, they feel real. It’s like an alternate universe or maybe the future but scientifically neither explanation makes sense. I know logically I should not try to make sense of it but I cannot forget what I saw.”</p><p>“Can you tell me what you saw, Michael?” Philippa prompted gently, her voice loving and kind.</p><p>Michael hesitated for a long while before replying. “I saw you…I saw us. I watched you died in my arms. You told me to find my way home, to go home to my Philippa. Then I saw an older you, we were on the beach of your childhood home and we were so happy. It’s not just what I saw, I felt all the emotions this version of me inside the mycelial network felt.”        </p><p>“Oh Michael I know that must be confusing and painful. I know I would be devastated and beyond heartbroken if I have to watch you die in my arms. I cannot imagine the pain and anguish. But you saw an older me too and we were happy. You felt that happiness too.  </p><p>I cannot give you the answers to the mysteries of the universe Michael but I can give you this present moment. I’m here Michael. I’m right here. I want you to feel me, Michael. Can you feel me?”</p><p>Michael closed her eyes and stilled her mind. She focused on nothing but the sound of Philippa’s voice, her breathing and her heartbeat; the scent on her hair and her skin; the gentle touch of her fingertips and the taste of her lips. She went deep into their shared emotions and deeper into their bond and to where their souls touched and embraced.</p><p>“I feel you, t’hy’la.” Michael whispered huskily.</p><p>Philippa shuddered at Michael’s husky voice; a hot flush crept up her neck and warmed her cheeks. She chastised herself for her reaction. This was hardly the appropriate time.</p><p>“I feel you too, Michael. I’m here, I’m right here with you.”</p><p>“You always make everything better.”</p><p>“Get some rest, Michael. Sleep now. I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep. I’ll be right here.”</p><p>“Goodnight, t’hy’la.”</p><p>“Goodnight, Michael.”</p><p>Philippa stayed on the call until Michael’s breathing slowly evened out. Still she did not end the call and continued listening to the soothing sound of Michael’s breathing. She thought back to that day in the war council meeting. Philippa did not know how she was supposed to keep her promise to Michael and still carried out her duties to the Federation.</p><p>War demanded sacrifices indeed and it would soon demand Captain Philippa Georgiou and Commander Michael Burnham to put their duty above all else. Was the universe so cruel, was it not possible to choose both duty and love.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Reunion on Earth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Captain Philippa Georgiou and Captain Gabriel Lorca had both been summoned to Starfleet Headquarters, the administrative centre of Starfleet Command on Earth where the Federation war council would convene for a five days conclave to finalize the battle plans that set to end the Federation-Klingon war. </p><p>Captain Georgiou was summoned to attend the five days conclave to provide her counsel as Starfleet war strategy expert. The USS Shenzhou was scheduled to arrive on Earth a day ahead of the conclave and would remain for the five days duration. Captain Lorca was summoned to receive his briefing and orders on Discovery critical role in the success of the entire operation. The USS Discovery was scheduled to arrive on the fourth day of the conclave.</p><p>The Shenzhou and the Discovery had not been in the same planetary system since their rendezvous at Starbase 7.</p><p>****</p><p>The upcoming conclave filled Philippa with dread but then Katrina had informed her of Discovery’s itinerary. Katrina Cornwell had pulled some strings to get Philippa and Michael the reunion they both needed and deserved. How could she not, knowing what was to come. It was the least she could do for her dearest friend. Philippa was thrilled with the prospect of seeing Michael again. </p><p>"Michael, there's something I need to tell you. The Shenzhou is headed to Earth for 6 days. We are expecting to arrive in 37 hours. I have been summoned to a five days war council conclave at Starfleet Headquarters. That is all I can tell you. The headquarters will be on priority one security lockdown so there will be a communication blackout. I will not be contactable once I’m inside the headquarters."</p><p>"I don't like it considering what happened after the last time you attended a war council meeting but I understand it is your duty. Can you at least let Danby escort you?"</p><p>"I have arranged shore leave for Danby to visit his parents since we are on Earth. He deserves it. But don’t worry Michael. Commander Landry will be escorting me. But I did not call you just to talk about official matters. I have some really exciting news." Philippa sounded positively chirpy on her last sentence.</p><p>"Are you going to propose, Philippa?" Michael teased Philippa back with her own words.</p><p>“Do you want me to propose, Michael?” Two could play the game. Philippa teased back, her voice sultry and her tone seductive.</p><p>Michael swallowed audibly. Her mouth went dry, her face burnt hot and an aching desire pooled in her lower belly. She was sure her knees would give out if she wasn’t sitting down.</p><p>“If my answer is yes, will you propose Philippa?” As soon as Michael said it out loud she realized that she did want to be officially and ceremoniously bonded to Philippa.</p><p>She thought of the koon-ut-kal-if-fee, a Vulcan mating ritual fundamentally a wedding ceremony in which a Vulcan challenged another in a passion fight to the death for their mate. Michael would challenge the entire universe and beyond for Philippa.</p><p>“And rob you of the greatest quest in your life, Michael?” Philippa had anticipated Michael’s response.</p><p>Michael laughed and knew she had been outwitted by Philippa. Perhaps she did not want to win. Michael would relish such a noble challenge as to conceive a proposal worthy of Philippa. </p><p>“A worthy courtship is a noble and never ending quest, Philippa. I will strive to prove myself worthy as your greatest champion and your most faithful hero. I am forever your humble slave, Captain.”</p><p>“Oh Michael, you’re such a romantic soul. You are an alluring distraction and you almost made me forget why I called. The Discovery has also been summoned to Earth. Captain Lorca was called to the 4<sup>th</sup> day of conclave. I know we may not have much time but we will have at least one night together on Earth.”</p><p>“That’s…that’s…” Michael stuttered, completely caught off guard. She had not seen Philippa in 5 months 28 days 17 hours 22 minutes. She did not think she would see her again until at least after the war was over.</p><p>“I didn’t expect to render you speechless just at the prospect of seeing me again, Michael.”</p><p>“This is unexpected but amazing. I don’t care if it’s one night or one hour or one minute, I’ll take what you can give me. I miss you so much, Philippa.”</p><p>"I miss you too, Michael. But I'll see you very soon in a few days."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>****Inside Starfleet Headquarters War Room****</em>
</p><p><strong> <em>Fleet Admiral Roddenberry: </em> </strong> <em>Captain Georgiou, there is still time to amend our plans should you need to reconsider your role and that of the Shenzhou.    </em></p><p><strong> <em>Captain Philippa Georgiou:</em> </strong> <em> Mobilizing our battle fleets across the Federation-Klingon border for an offensive attack on the Klingon Empire will irrevocably jeopardize future peaceful negotiations not only with the Klingons but all other species. </em></p><p>
  <em>Drawing the Klingon war fleets into a coup de main attack inside Federation space in Yorktown and mobilizing a single starship with a secret technology to carry out a counterforce strike in the heart of the Klingon Empire is our best strategy. The Shenzhou is ready and I am prepared to do my part.    </em>
</p><p><strong> <em>Admiral Terral: </em> </strong> <em>The Federation considers the preservation of life, all form of sentient life paramount to all other things. Our goal must be to end this war with an armistice or a peace treaty, not annihilation or genocide. If we give up our values to achieve victory then we already lost the battle. </em></p><p><strong> <em>Captain Philippa Georgiou:</em> </strong> <em> The Klingons are a proud race. They do not surrender and are more prepared to fight to the death than Starfleet. Threat of annihilation is our best hope to force an armistice with the Klingons. Our strategy team has taken a measured approach in the attack plans on Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor.</em></p><p><strong> <em>Fleet Admiral Roddenberry:</em> </strong> <em> Thank you, Captain Georgiou. We will procced as planned. Commodore Paris, what is the status on Starbase Yorktown? </em></p><p><strong> <em>Commodore Paris:</em> </strong> <em> We have completed the installation of the tachyon detection grid network on top of the existing gravitic sensor net in the space surrounding Yorktown and at strategic outposts along the Federation-Klingon border in the Archanis sector.</em></p><p>
  <em>We have doubled our defensive satellites; all armed with upgraded phasers and photon torpedoes. We have employed a defensive sphere around the space station and increased the energy field of the magnetic shields on its spherical surface.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>All civilians have been temporarily evacuated. Starbase Yorktown is ready and prepared, Sir.</em>
</p><p><strong> <em>Fleet Admiral Morrow:</em> </strong> <em> Excellent news, Commodore Paris. What is the status of our battle fleets, Admiral Anderson?</em></p><p><strong> <em>Admiral Brett Anderson:</em> </strong> <em> We have 40 battle fleets consisting of 3000 starships equipped with tachyon sensors and cloaking detection algorithm, weapons have been upgraded and the older designs have been retrofitted with latest combat capabilities. Our battle fleets are ready and prepared, Sir.  </em></p><p><strong> <em>Fleet Admiral Morrow:</em> </strong> <em> Admiral Fujisaki, what is the report on Archanis IV?</em></p><p><strong> <em>Vice Admiral Fujisaki:</em> </strong> <em> The outpost has been discreetly evacuated and we have planted transmitters that emulate bio-signature throughout the facility. The distress beacon has been set and will activate in 124 hours.   </em></p><p><strong> <em>Fleet Admiral Roddenberry:</em> </strong> <em> What is the status of our commanding officers?</em></p><p><strong> <em>Admiral Terral:</em> </strong> <em> Admiral Morrow will lead the main fleets in the battlefront attack. Admiral Anderson will lead the secondary fleets in second-tier attack and defending starbase Yorktown and my fleet will protect the Shenzhou once they make it to Yorktown. Admiral Cornwell will be stationed on the Discovery to oversee the attack on Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor and join us in Yorktown to negotiate the terms of armistice with the Klingons.</em></p><p>
  <em>The commanding officers on all the starships are ready and prepared to receive their orders.</em>
</p><p><strong> <em>Fleet Admiral Roddenberry:</em> </strong> <em> Then our session today is adjourned. We will commence again at 0800 hours tomorrow.  </em></p><p>
  <em>****</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Starfleet Headquarters had an annex with accommodations for officials, dignitaries and guests. Due to the secrecy of the conclave, all attending personnel were housed in the Starfleet Headquarters. Admiral Cornwell had arranged one of the best suites with a spa and a spectacular view for her dear friend and security clearance for Commander Burnham.</p><p>The Discovery arrived on Earth at 1000 hours on the 4<sup>th</sup> day of the conclave and remained in orbit. Michael and Captain Lorca beamed down to the surface at 1300 hours. Captain Lorca was scheduled to attend the conclave at 1400 hours. Michael was greeted at the Starfleet Headquarters transporter platform by an officer who provided her with her security clearance and accommodation details.</p><p>The suite was easily one of the most luxurious Michael had ever been with a view of the Golden Gate Bridge and the San Francisco Bay. Michael was extremely grateful for everything the admiral had done for Philippa over the years. She knew Katrina loved Philippa dearly. On the dining table in the separate lounge area, Michael found a selection of chocolates; Tellurian mint truffles, a box of Rigelian chocolate and a bowl of Thalian chocolate mousse. There was a piece of paper with beautiful cursive handwriting.</p><p>~ <em>You told me once that the taste of chocolate reminded you of home ~</em></p><p>Michael pressed a hand over her heart and choked back a sob. Was it possible to fall in love with someone she’s already insanely in love with? Michael could keep falling continuously and indefinitely in love with Philippa. How could the captain still be so thoughtful when she was being weighed down by myriads of demands and unfathomable stress.</p><p>There was no indication when Philippa would return to her suite so Michael stayed and waited. The anticipation of seeing Philippa again was both exhilarating and at the same time nerve wracking. Michael settled into her meditation practice to calm her nerves and still her mind.</p><p>It had been getting harder for Michael to supress her sexual desire for her captain since the shift in their relationship when Michael had first asked to kiss Philippa in the Shenzhou sickbay. There was no denying Michael found Philippa physically attractive and desirable. She had openly expressed her appreciation of the captain’s beauty many times. Michael may not be a very tactile person but she was by no means celibate. She had allowed herself occasional sexual pleasures during shore leaves throughout her years on the Shenzhou.</p><p>Michael craved her captain, her body painfully ached for Philippa and her soul yearned for her touch. Michael wanted nothing more than to consummate their relationship but certainly not because she could not control her sexual impulses. She did not want their first experience to be tainted and driven by the despair of war and losses. A sexual union with Philippa was sacred to Michael. Michael could wait and she would wait until she proved her courtship worthy of her captain.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>****Inside Starfleet Headquarters War Room****</em>
</p><p><strong> <em>Vice Admiral Katrina Cornwell:</em> </strong> <em> During Discovery covert mission on Qo’noS, we sent in two Section 31 agents to infiltrate the local insurgent groups. The agents were able to smuggle out a detailed map and schematics of the highly fortified Ty’Gokor deep inside the Klingon Empire. </em></p><p>
  <em>Admiral Anderson, Captain Georgiou and myself have reviewed our intelligence of Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor extensively and finalized the coordinates of our targeted attacks to inflict maximum military damage and minimum civilian casualties.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Captain Lorca has been fully briefed on the entire operation, his orders and the Discovery attack plans.</em>
</p><p><strong> <em>Fleet Admiral Roddenberry:</em> </strong> <em> Captain Lorca, can the Discovery and Commander Burnham handle the rapid long jumps required?</em></p><p><strong> <em>Captain Gabriel Lorca:</em> </strong> <em> Yes, Sir. The Discovery spore drive propulsion system is in prime condition and we have in excess supply of mycelium spores. Commander Burnham has been nothing but outstanding in her ability to navigate long jumps. She is ready, Sir.</em></p><p><strong> <em>Fleet Admiral Morrow:</em> </strong> <em> The success of this entire operation relies heavily on the Discovery being able to complete its mission. Captain Georgiou, what is your assessment on your former first officer?</em></p><p><strong> <em>Captain Philippa Georgiou:</em> </strong> <em> Commander Burnham’s record speaks for itself. As her former captain and mentor I can assure the council Commander Burnham is more than capable of carrying out her duties and doing whatever is demanded of her to help the Federation end this war.  </em></p><p>
  <em>****</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Michael stood by the window taking in the spectacular view of blue colour sky and the reddish orange hue of the sun beginning its descent into the horizon. A beep followed by the hissing sound of door opening and closing then a gasp indicated Philippa had returned.</p><p>Michael turned to face her captain and they stared at each other in silence as the particles of atom around them dissipated and time itself stood still. She greedily drank in the sight of the woman standing before her, memorizing every line and every curve of a face that had already been seared into her eidetic memory and imprinted in her very soul. Michael could never be tired of staring at that beautiful face. She was too stunned to do anything but stare at the equally stunned captain. Philippa finally closed their distance and wrapped her arms around Michael holding on as if fearing that the gravity of the stars would pull Michael away.</p><p>“I missed you, I missed you so much.” Michael murmured repeatedly clinging on to her captain just as tightly.</p><p>“I’m know, Michael. I’m here now. I’ve missed you too.” Philippa choked out and finally loosen her hold on Michael.</p><p>She brushed her fingers along Michael’s hairline and traced her cheekbone and jawline until her fingertips settled on Michael’s lips. She cupped Michael’s face in her trembling hands and their mouths collided in a passionate soul-searing kiss. Tongues slowly extended and reached out for each other evoking sensations neither knew to exist and it intensified their kiss. The kiss felt like a cure, an epiphany, a transformation; addictively invading all their senses and permeated every cell in their body. Their breath hot and steamy and their emotions raw. Philippa’s heart thundered in her chest as her knees grew weak. She broke the kiss, leaning and breathing heavily against Michael.</p><p>Michael led Philippa and sat her down on the lounge sofa. She held the captain tenderly and whispered words of endearment in her ear, waiting for Philippa’s heartbeat to settle and her breathing to even out. When Philippa could breathe normally again, she pulled Michael towards her for a slower kiss tracing Michael’s lips with her tongue and gently kissing them in between.</p><p>“Why is it that whenever we kiss, I almost pass out from palpitations and it is not due my heart condition.” Philippa swore Michael was more likely to cause her a heart failure than the war.</p><p>Michael responded by claiming Philippa’s mouth again, the captain tasted and smelled deliriously hypnotic beyond reason, nearly forbidden.</p><p>****</p><p>The spa would greatly help ease the captain’s aching body; and reduce her stress and anxiety. They both needed the relaxation after their emotion reunion earlier. Neither Philippa nor Michael was particularly shy when it came to nudity. This would not be the first time they saw each other naked. During one of their shore leaves they had visited a spa at a resort off Antares Minor and underwent various health treatments and massages together. Michael remembered every soft curve and every toned muscle of her captain’s naked body vividly. She would never allow herself to associate lustful desire to those precious memories. It would have been inappropriate and disrespectful.</p><p>Michael had to rely on every ounce of her Vulcan control to rein in her sexual longing. Still her breath hitched when Philippa removed her robe revealing her slender and toned physique. If the captain was aware of her reaction Michael was grateful Philippa chose not to tease her. Michael realized she was staring and subtly looked away. Philippa reached out and placed a hand on Michael’s chin turning her face until they locked gaze.</p><p>“It’s okay, Michael. You’re allowed to look.” Philippa assured Michael, her voice gentle and kind. She untied Michael’s robe and let it slid to the floor. The captain brushed her lips lightly along Michael’s jawline then took her hand and led her into the hot tub.</p><p>Philippa could not resist letting out a mixture of painful and pleasure groans when she lowered her aching body into the hot water. She was stiff and sore from spending countless hours in meetings and briefings.</p><p>“Hmm…remind me to send Kat a thank you gift.”</p><p>“She really cares for you. Does she know about us?” When Philippa told Michael Admiral Cornwell had gotten her security clearance and arranged for her to stay with the captain, Michael was genuinely surprised and slightly apprehensive. Philippa and Michael were both very private with their personal affairs. Michael was not certain how Philippa would feel about acknowledging their relationship especially since they themselves had not properly discussed it.</p><p>“She suspected for a very long time and has been pushing me to admit my feelings for you for years.”</p><p>“Are you okay with other people knowing about us?”</p><p>“I like to keep my personal affairs private but it doesn’t bother me whether other people know or not. When Kat suggested it to me, I was more thrilled that I will get to spend time with you than to care about anything else. Does it bother you if other people know, Michael?”</p><p>“Not at all. I don’t want to put you in a compromising situation because of me.”</p><p>“You don’t need to worry Michael. Truth be told I think most people already accepted it as a forgone conclusion.”</p><p>Philippa turned around and rested her back against Michael’s chest. Michael brought her arms around and held Philippa loosely, resting her chin on the captain’s shoulder. This was the most intimate they had been physically, naked skin pressed against each other. The universe could explode or implode and Philippa would still feel safe in Michael’s arms.</p><p>“You make me feel so cherished and safe. When I’m in your arms, my soul feels unburdened, my mind is quiet and I am at peace. Thank you for loving me, Michael.” Michael deserved to hear how she made Philippa felt.</p><p>“<em>Taluhk nash-veh k'dular.</em>” Michael whispered into Philippa’s ear.</p><p>“Is that Vulcan?”</p><p>“Yes and it translates to <em>I cherish thee</em>. It’s a sort of declaration of love between bondmates. I love you, Philippa. You already know that I do. I want to say because it makes me happy to say it. I don’t need you to say it back.”</p><p>Philippa turned around to face Michael. She wanted to look Michael in the eyes when she confessed. “Oh Michael, but I already have.”</p><p>Michael looked at Philippa, eyes wide and mouth agape as realization dawned on her.</p><p>“You meant it even then. You told me you love me on the Klingon warship before you passed out. I wasn’t sure if you were even aware or remembered what you said.”</p><p>“I meant it then and I mean it now. I love you. I love you so much, Michael.”</p><p>****</p><p>They lay in blissful silence facing each other, both trying to burn this moment into their memories. Philippa snuggled closer and leaned in to caress Michael’s lips with her tongue, teasing her slowly and nibbling gently at her lower lips. A wave of heat flushed through Michael.</p><p>“Philippa…if you keep going…hmm…I might not be able to control myself…” Michael gasped out just managing to sound coherent.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Michael…I can’t help but want to kiss you…” Philippa mumbled and moved to trail kisses down Michael’s neck. It took inhuman strength to pull her mouth away from Michael.</p><p>“I want to, Philippa. I want to make love to you. I want so much more than that with you. I want to make love to you slowly and make it last forever. I don’t want to rush. I can be patient.”</p><p>“Every time I look at you, I want to touch you but I understand, Michael. I feel the same way. I don’t want our first time to be born out of desperation and separation from war.”</p><p>Philippa laid her head on Michael’s chest and listened to lulling sound of her strong heartbeat. Michael stroked Philippa’s back delicately, placing soft kisses on her hair. Despite knowing what was to come, Philippa slept peacefully in Michael’s arms.</p><p>****</p><p>Philippa had to attend the final day of the conclave at 0800 hrs and the Discovery was scheduled to depart at 0900 hours. They had been here before but experience only made the pain of separation deeper and harder to bear.</p><p>“There is a Kasseelian opera house on a moon near Starbase 46. I hear they play Monteverdi’s L’Orfeo there sometimes.”</p><p>“Are you asking out on a date, Michael?”</p><p>“Yes, I believe I am. Will you go on a date with me to a Kasseelian opera, Philippa?”</p><p>“I would love that very much, Michael.”</p><p>They smiled at each other solemnly both trying their best to keep their emotions at bay. Philippa gave Michael a final kiss before heading towards the war room. Michael gripped her bag tightly and walked towards the transporter platform. The Discovery was about to depart and Philippa was in a conclave incommunicado. With a heavy heart Commander Michael Burnham stepped onto the pad on the transporter platform and returned to the USS Discovery to resume her duty.</p><p>****</p><p>Admiral Katrina Cornwell was waiting by the Starfleet Headquarters transporter platform when Philippa arrived. The captain was extremely grateful that it was her dear friend Katrina who would be in the Discovery overseeing the attack on Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor.</p><p>“Promise me you would look out for Michael, Kat. I need her to be okay. She will never admit it but Michael is driven by emotion as much as logic, maybe even more. You wanted me to admit my feelings for her for a long time now and I have, Kat. I told Michael I love her.”</p><p>“Oh Pippa, I’m so happy for you. You deserve love. Everyone can see how much Michael loves you. I promise I will do my best to watch out for her.”</p><p>“Thank you, Kat. I cannot thank you enough, not just for this but for everything you did for me throughout the years.”</p><p>“Don’t Pippa. Don’t talk like we will never see each other again. How many times have we been here? You will make it. You always do. Promise me you will do everything you can to stay alive.”</p><p>“You know Michael asked me to promise her the same thing.”</p><p>“Good. Then I will see you after the war is over and Gab and Chris can have a field day with you about Michael.” They both laughed at the sentiment but their eyes stung with unshed tears.</p><p>“Captain Georgiou, we are ready for you.” The transport operator announced.</p><p>They gave each other one last hug and Captain Philippa Georgiou stepped onto the transporter pad to carry out what would be her last mission as captain of the USS Shenzhou.</p><p>The Federation-Klingon war would end in 4 days 19 hours and its aftermath would profoundly change the life of Captain Philippa Georgiou and Commander Michael Burnham.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Battle of Yorktown Part I</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The five days war council conclave had concluded and first stage of the operation would commence in 76 hours. The USS Shenzhou was scheduled to depart Earth and it was time for Captain Philippa Georgiou to address her crew. The captain stood tall with her hands behind her back on the bridge of her ship.</p><p>“Lieutenant Januzzi, put me on the ship’s internal broadcast channel.” Philippa instructed her communications officer.</p><p>“Aye, Captain. You’re on the air.”</p><p>“Crew of the USS Shenzhou. This is your captain speaking. Many of you have been wondering about the events that took place on our ship in recent months. It is time I give you an explanation. </p><p>Commander Michael Burnham has been reassigned permanently to the USS Discovery and Lieutenant Commander Saru has been promoted to take her place as my first officer. Commander Burnham was initially assigned to the Discovery to work with a team aboard to develop new detection techniques for the Klingon cloaking technology and the team has been successful. This new detection technology has been implemented across Starfleet vessels and Federation bases. I am incredibly proud of what she has accomplished. Her permanent placement on the Discovery will greatly benefit Starfleet and is crucial in helping the Federation win this war.   </p><p>I have spent the last five days in meetings at Starfleet Headquarters. In 76 hours Starfleet will launch a large scale military operation in hope to end the Federation-Klingon war. The USS Shenzhou will take lead and commence stage one of the operation. This is the reason the ship has recently went through massive upgrades and retrofitting. I want to be honest with you. In this war we have lost many of our fellow colleagues, our loved ones and the Federation have lost countless civilian lives. We face danger every moment we are in space and we risk our lives in every confrontation. This coming mission maybe our last and it is unlike any other mission you have been involved in. When you joined the USS Shenzhou, you signed yourself up for space exploration not military warfare. </p><p>This mission requires the Shenzhou to deliberately be exposed as bait to draw the Klingon war fleets into battle. The Shenzhou is chosen as the most strategic bait because I killed the Klingon leader T’Kuvma at the Battle of the Binary Stars and the Klingon High Chancellor sought to avenge his death. I cannot carry out this mission on my own and I need your help but I cannot ask you to knowingly sacrifice your life for my decision. I am making this mission voluntary. There is no repercussion for those who wish to leave. Submit a transfer request to Lieutenant Saru and you can disembark to await your new assignment at Starfleet Headquarters. You have my best wishes and I thank you for your service aboard the Shenzhou.</p><p>The Shenzhou will depart in two hours at 2100 hours. For those of you who choose to stay, I owe you my deepest gratitude and I thank you on behalf of the Federation for your loyalty and dedication. It is an honour to serve with all of you.</p><p>Georgiou out.”</p><p>Philippa looked around the bridge, at some point every one of bridge crew have stood up with their hands behind their back facing their captain.</p><p>“I will stand by your side until the very end, Captain.” It was Lieutenant Saru who spoke first and echoes of “And I, Captain.” reverberated across the bridge. </p><p>At 2100 hours Lieutenant Saru entered the captain’s ready room and informed Captain Georgiou that he had processed the transfer of those who wanted to leave and that majority of the crew aboard the Shenzhou had voted to stay with their captain. Philippa acknowledged Saru emotionally, touched by her crew’s allegiance and humbled by their courage. The USS Shenzhou departed Earth and charted its course for Archanis IV.</p><p> </p><p>****Aboard the USS Discovery****</p><p>The Discovery had charted a course for Deriben V in the Tango sector next to the Federation-Klingon border. They were currently in warp and would reach their destination in 68 hours. Michael was on bridge duty and was pleasantly surprised when Admiral Katrina Cornwell entered with Captain Lorca.</p><p>“Admiral on the bridge.” Lieutenant Collins announced and everyone on the bridge promptly stood up.</p><p>“At ease.” Admiral Cornwell graciously replied and nodded to Captain Lorca.</p><p>“Admiral Cornwell will be stationed on the Discovery to oversee our next mission. Every personnel will receive their mission tasks on their PADDs at 1200 hours. Senior officers and vital personnel will meet in my ready room for mission briefing at 1300 hours.” Captain Lorca informed his bridge crew.</p><p>“My presence on the ship is to assume a supervisory role. Captain Lorca will remain the commanding officer on the Discovery.” Admiral Cornwell clarified.    </p><p>****</p><p>Michael checked her PADD at 1200 hours and the only task she received was to attend a mission briefing in the captain’s ready room at 1300 hours. Michael had tried to contact Philippa after Discovery departed Earth but all non-priority communications to the Shenzhou had been blocked from the subspace channel.</p><p>At precisely 1300 hours Michael entered Captain Lorca’s ready room. Lieutenant Stamets, Ensign Tilly and Dr Culber were also present along with some of the ship’s senior officers and tactical officers. Admiral Cornwell gave the team a brief overall of the entire operation.</p><p>“Operation Yorktown aim to end the Federation-Klingon war. Discovery’s mission in the entire operation is critical in forcing the Klingons into negotiating an armistice with Starfleet. We will only be carrying out counterforce attack with controlled firepower. Our primary goal is to inflict damage to military infrastructure and minimize casualties. Captain Lorca will brief you on the attack plans.” Admiral Cornwell finished and handed over the briefing to Captain Lorca.</p><p>“The war council has identified 24 strategic targets, 16 at Qo’noS and 8 at Ty’Gokor. Discovery will make alternating jump attacks between Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor and returning to the Federation facility on Deriben V as our jump base. To minimize exposing our ship to Klingon counterattacks, each jump attack will last precisely 5 seconds. The tactical team will have 5 seconds to lock and aim precise controlled phaser shots on our targets.</p><p>Each set of attack will involve 25 rapid long jumps. The sequence of the 24 targets will change after each set. We will be jumping inside the planet atmospheric defence shields but after the first attack, they will raise the ground magnetic shields. We estimated that at least six sets of attack are required to break through the ground shields and inflict the necessary damage on each target. That’s a minimum of 150 jumps in total. Discovery will return to Deriben V after each set for 15 minutes for Dr Culber to access Commander Burnham.” Captain Lorca laid out the detailed attack plans on Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor.</p><p>“Commander Burnham, can you handle the number of rapid long jump sequences? If it is not manageable, we still have time to revise our attack plans.” Admiral Cornwell asked respectfully. Katrina had promised Philippa she would watch over Michael and she intended on keeping her promise.  </p><p>“Yes, Admiral. I can handle the jump sequences. A continuous 150 jumps would have been extremely challenging but with the 15 minutes break in between each set of 25 jumps, it’s achievable. I have conditioned myself over the past jumps and learned to deal with the exposure inside the mycelial network. Some of the neurological side effects are inevitable but manageable.” Michael answered cautiously. She took her time to run the calculations and simulations in her head before she responded.</p><p>“Lieutenant Stamets and Ensign Tilly will be responsible for the operations of the spore drive and help Dr Culber set up a temporary treatment area in the engineering lab.” Captain Lorca added.</p><p>“I will assess the impact of our attacks after 150 jumps and if no more are required Discovery will make one last jump to Yorktown to join our battle fleets there.” Admiral Cornwell concluded.</p><p>Michael wanted to ask Admiral Cornwell about the Shenzhou. The admiral had been vague about the roles of other starships in the entire operation. Michael had a sinking feeling in her stomach that the Shenzhou would be the bait that would lure the Klingons to Yorktown. It was a logical deduction because Philippa was T’Kuvma’s killer and the Shenzhou was the destroyer of the Sarcophagus. When Captain Lorca dismissed the crew, Katrina sensed Michael’s agitation and requested Michael to meet in her quarters.</p><p>****</p><p>“Admiral, thank you for seeing me.”</p><p>“Michael please, you can call me Kat in private. I know you want to ask about Philippa and the Shenzhou.”</p><p>“Will you tell me, Kat? Is Starfleet using the Shenzhou as bait to draw the Klingon war fleets to Yorktown?” Michael asked, desperately wanting someone to tell her the truth but dreadfully fearful of the answer. </p><p>“I know how hard this must be for you not knowing the kind of danger Philippa and her crew will be in. I care about Philippa dearly and deeply and I would never deliberately put her in harm’s way. We cannot always maintain impartiality especially in desperate times like this. Sometimes the universe demands greater sacrifices from some of us.” Katrina could not tell Michael any more than Philippa could but she could try to be as kind as possible in her approach.</p><p>“She knew. She knew since the previous war council meeting. Tell me, was it her idea? She is Starfleet best war strategist. Did she conceive this plan and her own martyrdom? And you let her.” Michael spitted out angrily. Her anxiety and frustration morphed into rage.  </p><p>“Michael, knowing at this stage will not help you and even if it’s true there is nothing you can do about it. You need to believe me that she did not make any decision lightly and neither would I have allowed her to. Everything she did it’s for the greater good of the Federation and humanity.”</p><p>“I know and I’m sorry. I am not angry at you, Kat. I’m angry at myself, at the Klingons, at this senseless war, maybe even at the universe.” Michael sighed miserably.</p><p>“She told me you are driven by emotions as much as logic. Michael, I know Philippa for a very long time and she really loves you. She will do her very best to come back to us, to you.”</p><p>“I cannot lose her, Kat. I don’t know how to be without her.”</p><p>“You and me both, Michael.”</p><p> </p><p> ****Aboard the USS Shenzhou****</p><p>The USS Shenzhou dropped out of warp to respond to a ‘fake’ distress signal from the Federation research outpost at Archanis IV in the disputed space region near the Federation-Klingon border. A border patrolled heavily by Klingon battle cruisers.</p><p>“Lieutenant Januzzi, red alert. Ensign Narwani, begin tachyon sweep. Lieutenant Detmer, standby for evasive manoeuvres.” Philippa gave her orders calmly from the captain’s chair.</p><p>The Shenzhou was soon spotted by cloaked Klingon battle cruisers in the vicinity. The newly installed tachyon sensor and detection algorithm confirmed three cloaked vessels surrounding the Shenzhou. The vessels appeared to be stationary and observing in a distance.</p><p>To keep up with their deception, Philippa sent an unmanned shuttle with emulated bio-signals down to the surface supposedly to investigate the cause of the distress call. They waited patiently for the Klingons next move while Ensign Narwani provided regular updates on the cloaked vessels location. Minutes and hours elapsed when suddenly the screen in front of Ensign Narwani started beeping erratically and the detection algorithm went into overdrive.</p><p>“Captain, multiple cloaked vessels just dropped out of warp all around us and they are still coming in.” Ensign Narwani shouted out.</p><p>“I need their locations, Ensign.”</p><p>“They appeared to be behind the initial three vessels. There are too many of them, Captain. The system is still triangulating.”</p><p>“We maintain our position. Number One, bring back the shuttle from the surface.” Philippa instructed her first officer Lieutenant Saru.</p><p>The Klingons would make their next move if they thought the Shenzhou had concluded its mission on Archanis IV. They would either de-cloak and start firing straightaway or as Philippa hoped, the Klingon Imperial Fleet would be among the cloaked vessels and Chancellor L’Rell would hail the Shenzhou if only to confirm that T’Kuvma’s killer was indeed on board.</p><p>Chancellor L’Rell was a loyal follower of T’Kuvma before she ascended to her position as head of Klingon High Council following T’Kuvma’s death in the hands of Captain Georgiou. It was no secret that L’Rell sought to avenge T’Kuvma. The Section 31 agents on Qo’noS had confirmed that an order was issued to all Klingon starships to bring the Chancellor T’Kuvma’s killer preferably alive. Philippa had counted on the Klingon Chancellor wanting to personally capture the captain herself.  </p><p>“Captain, seven cloaked vessels are moving into a fingertip formation and heading towards us.” Ensign Narwani reported.</p><p>“Lieutenant Detmer, hold our position and chart a course to Yorktown. Lieutenant Gant, prepare to raise our shields immediate when any of the Klingon vessels de-cloak.” The captain responded in her usual composure seemingly unperturbed by the approaching cloaked vessels.  </p><p>Within seconds two K’t’inga-class warships, four Bird-of-Preys led by a D7-class battle cruiser all part of the Klingon Imperial Fleet appeared in a V formation in front of the USS Shenzhou. The sight of the Klingon Imperial Fleet could easily strike terror in the heart of its enemy.</p><p>“Shields up in full, Captain.” Lieutenant Gant reported.</p><p>“The Klingons are hailing us, Captain.” Lieutenant Januzzi announced.</p><p>“Number One, on my hand signal power up and get ready to engage warp drive. Lieutenant Detmer, on my hand signal executes evasive pattern delta-3 then jump to maximum warp. Lieutenant Januzzi, on screen.</p><p>Chancellor L’Rell. This is Captain Philippa Georgiou of the USS Shenzhou. Klingon starships are in Federation space. Starfleet does not wish to engage in hostile confrontation. Please leave Federation space and Starfleet will not pursue.”</p><p>Chancellor L’Rell laughed sinisterly at the captain’s request. Philippa signalled Lieutenant Saru to power up and prepared to engage warp drive.</p><p>“You are greatly outnumbered and are in no position to make demands. Starfleet is weak and losing the war, Klingons will destroy the entire Federation. And you Captain Georgiou, T’Kuvma’s killer, you will be my reward. I will tear you apart with my bare hands and feast on your flesh.”</p><p>“Chancellor L’Rell, I implore you to reconsider. The Federation intentions have always been peace. We value all life. This war does not serve either the Federation or the Klingons. It only serves death. It is not too late for the Federation and the Klingons to agree to a peace treaty.”</p><p>“There will be no peace between the Federation and the Klingons. There will only be death but not for the Klingons.” Philippa signalled Lieutenant Detmer.   </p><p>Transmission was cut abruptly and the D7-class battle cruiser fired its forward phaser emitters at the Shenzhou. The other warships also began firing and hundreds of Klingon starships de-cloaked but the Shenzhou had already jumped to warp. </p><p>****</p><p>“Number One, report.”</p><p>“We took a few deflected hits but sustained no damage. Shields at 92%. Warp core undamaged, warp drive at maximum capacity. All systems fully functional.”</p><p>“Stay on high alert. The Klingons will give chase and their fleets have faster warp capabilities than the Shenzhou. We have to anticipate an attack in warp. Lieutenant Gant, disengage shields and shut down all non-essential systems. Prepare to raise shields in full the instant we detect a Klingon vessel or come under attack.”</p><p>They were exceedingly fortunate to escape the first part of their mission without damage to any of the ship’s core systems especially the warp drive. The Klingons were an aggressive warrior species and relentlessly hostile. It would be presumptuous to try to predict their reaction to the Shenzhou at Archanis IV. However, the Klingons had acted as Philippa had counted on and it brought the operation the best possible outcome they could hope for.</p><p>The second part of their mission was equally perilous and unpredictable. The Shenzhou was recently upgraded and retrofitted but it still could not outrun most Klingon starships in warp speed. They could only hope for an adequate head start but it might not be enough. If the Klingons caught up and attacked in warp, it could be lethal. The goal now was to stay alive and make it to Yorktown or draw the Klingon war fleets as close to Yorktown as possible. </p><p> </p><p>****Aboard the USS Discovery****</p><p>While the USS Shenzhou was in warp being hunted by the Klingons, Captain Gabriel Lorca prepared the Discovery for the attacks on Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor.</p><p>Commander Michael Burnham entered the mycelium navigator chamber, her past conversations with Philippa at the forefront of her mind. <em>I choose hope for us / </em><em>I need you to obey Captain Lorca and the orders he will give you / I promise I will do everything I can to keep your home safe until you return / </em><em>you make me feel so cherished / I love you so much, Michael.</em> Michael told Philippa once that she was her guiding light. Michael would succeed in her mission task because Philippa would guide her home if she get lost in the mycelial network.</p><p>“Lieutenant Stamets, are we ready to engage?” Captain Lorca voice came over the engineering lab intercom.</p><p>“Yes, Captain. Commander Burnham is connected and spore drive is ready to engage.”</p><p>“Let’s get this show on road.”</p><p>The first set of attacks went without a hitch. Michael came out of the navigation chamber slightly dazed but ready to proceed. After the fourth set of jumps, Michael exited the chamber mumbling incoherently then lost consciousness.</p><p>“Captain Lorca, Commander Burnham is unconscious. Dr Culber is treating her now.” Ensign Tilly reported to the bridge.</p><p>“Damn it. Have we inflicted sufficient damage?” Admiral Cornwell cursed.</p><p>“The damages are nowhere near substantial. This is war, Admiral. We cannot be conservative in our attacks, life preservation has to be secondary. If Commander Burnham is unable to execute more than six sets of jumps, we need to make the last two counts. We need to increase our firepower now.” Captain Lorca replied forcefully.</p><p>“Deploy photon torpedoes at target 2, 6, 7, 12 and 16 on Qo’noS and quantum torpedoes at target 3, 5 and 8 on Ty’Gokor on the next attack then switch to phaser cannons on all targets on the sixth attack.” Admiral Cornwell authorized the second level attack plan.</p><p>The war council strategy team had devised six levels of attack on the Klingon Empire. The first three levels were all counterforce attacks which Admiral Cornwell was given full authority to execute. Level 1 was conservative and intended as a show of power and superiority to the Klingons what Starfleet was capable of. Level 3 would bring about complete destruction of all 24 chosen targets.</p><p>The last three levels were included only as last resorts which the war council hoped would never be executed. Each of the last three levels would require unanimous authorization from every member of the war council before execution. Level 4 was countervalue strike on cities and civilian populations on Qo’noS, then obliteration of Ty’Gokor at level 5 and finally annihilation of Klingon homeworld Qo’noS at level 6.</p><p>The spore drive technology allowed Discovery to jump inside a planet atmospheric defensive shields effectively mounting attacks on ‘defenceless’ enemies. The original plan was to execute level one attack then joined the battle fleets in Yorktown to begin negotiation. However, Commander Burnham’s condition forced the move to level two. Admiral Cornwell was not proud of the catastrophic destruction Starfleet was about to bring down on the Klingon Empire but it was necessary.</p><p>****</p><p>“Commander Burnham, can you hear me?” Dr Culber asked firmly. The commander’s neurological readings were off the charts.</p><p>“Philippa…I…I need to get to Philippa…” Michael stammered groggily.</p><p>“Commander, you are on the USS Discovery. You were making rapid jumps between Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor inside Klingon Empire space. Do you understand me?”</p><p>Michael closed her eyes for a few minutes then replied steadily to reassure Dr Culber. “I’m okay, Dr Culber. I’m aware of what is happening right now. I can function adequately. We can proceed.”</p><p>Michael felt torn between two realities. She was fully aware of her present timeline and that she needed to complete her mission task on the Discovery but she could not pull herself out of another reality where she was on Klingon starship and she watched L’Rell plunged a bat’leth downwards and stabbed Philippa in the chest.</p><p>“Lieutenant Stamets, report.”</p><p>“Commander Burnham is awake, Captain. Dr Culber has cleared her fit to continue. She’s hooked up and ready to proceed.”</p><p>“Let’s end this.”</p><p>****</p><p>Commander Michael Burnham regained consciousness 28 minutes later on the temporary biobed in the engineering lab after completing the sixth jump on the attacks on Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor with Lieutenant Stamets hovering over her.</p><p>“Michael, good you’re awake. You did it. But our mission is not over yet. We need you back in the chamber.” Lieutenant Stamets uttered impatiently.</p><p>“I need to get to the bridge. Something’s not right. Where’s the Shenzhou?” Michael muttered and tried to sit up but fell back unconscious again.</p><p>“Can’t you inject her with something and just wake her up?” Paul turned to Hugh and gestured to him awkwardly.</p><p>“She suffering from severe neurological trauma. Maybe you do not know what that means but she can actually die from this or become permanently brain damaged.” Hugh loved Paul but that man could be so inconsiderate at times.</p><p>“Lieutenant Stamets, report.”</p><p>“She’s still unconscious, Captain. Dr Culber is not optimistic she can continue.”</p><p>****</p><p>“We have to stop. Commander Burnham cannot make any more jumps. We have wreaked enough destruction on the Klingon Empire. It’s time to join our battle fleets in Yorktown.” Admiral Cornwell made her final decision.</p><p>There was no news of the Shenzhou since it jumped to warp and Katrina did not know if her dear friend was still alive but she could make damn sure Michael would be fine.</p><p>“Lieutenant Stamets, what is our fastest route to Yorktown without long jump capability?” Captain Lorca asked his chief engineer.</p><p>“At maximum warp, it will take us 19 hours. Commander Burnham, Ensign Tilly and I have been working an experimental non-human interface for the spore drive navigation and have some promising results. It’s faster than our warp drive but nowhere near long jump capability. If we make a series of short jumps and recalculate and recalibrate between each jump, we could get to Yorktown in less than two hours. It’s impossible to calculate the precise time since the interface is experimental but the estimate should be very close.”</p><p>“Okay, do it.” Captain Lorca instructed his engineering team to proceed then turned to reassure Admiral Cornwell. “Yorktown has been strategically and methodically set up for the operation. Our battle fleets have huge tactical advantages and can defeat the Klingons there. If we get to Yorktown in two hours, we can still achieve the operation primary goal.”</p><p>“Let’s hope the non-human interface works.” Admiral Cornwell did not like putting her faith in experimental technologies, she remembered well the last time Discovery made its first long jump attempt using the then experimental spore drive.</p><p>“You do not know the ingenuity of my science team like I do. It will work.” Captain Lorca stated confidently.</p><p>“I am going to brief the war council on our status.” Admiral Cornwell left the bridge. She would stop by the engineering lab and checked on Michael after she briefed the war council.</p><p> </p><p>****Aboard the USS Shenzhou****</p><p>“Number One, where are we on time?”</p><p>“We will drop out of warp in 23 minutes, Cap...” Before Lieutenant Saru could finish his sentence a blast impact shook the ship.</p><p>“Captain, we are under attack. A phaser blast hit our cargo bay, hull breached, force field on. Shields are up at 100%.” Lieutenant Gant reported from his station.</p><p>“Divert all non-essential power to that section.”</p><p>“Should we engage, Captain?”</p><p>“Negative, Lieutenant Gant. We maintain our course.” It was futile for the Shenzhou to engage in warp battle with the Klingon Imperial Fleet. Firing weapons would consume energy and unlikely to deter their attackers.    </p><p>“15 minutes to destination.” Lieutenant Saru reported after another series of blasts hit the ship.</p><p>“Shields at 65%. Captain, we are taking heavy hits to Deck 9. The section has sustained severe hull scarring.” Lieutenant Gant reported.</p><p>“Divert all weapon power to shields and boost energy to Deck 9.”   </p><p>“Aye, Captain.”</p><p>A jarring impact from a huge explosion was felt throughout the entire ship and a few of the bridge crew were knocked off their consoles.  </p><p>“Impact from photon torpedoes. Shields down to 32%. Hull breach on Deck 9.”</p><p>“5 minutes to destination, Captain.”</p><p>“Maintain enough power on the warp core to get us to Yorktown and divert all remaining energy to shields.”</p><p>With every hit, the dispersion of kinetic energy from the blast impact got stronger and more violent. Tiny explosions cascaded through the ship, force field instantly sealed tears in the hull, crew members scrambled to keep the ship operational and helped the injured to safety. At last a direct hit from a Klingon photon torpedo on a depleted section of the shield blew a large hole in the saucer module above the bridge.</p><p> </p><p>**** Yorktown Battlefront****</p><p>The USS Shenzhou dropped out of warp at Yorktown with its defensive shields and weapon systems offline, the crew kept alive only by the emergency force field sealing its multiple hull breaches. Within seconds, a dozen starships from Admiral Terral fleet appeared and surrounded the Shenzhou.</p><p>Dozens of visible battle cruisers and warships belonging to the Klingon Imperial Fleet dropped out of warp. The tachyon detection grid network alerted Starfleet of hundreds more cloaked vessels entering Federation space in Yorktown.</p><p>Admiral Morrow ordered ten of his largest fleets to engage the Klingon Imperial Fleet and the remaining fleets to open rapid fire on the cloaked vessels. Cloaked vessels typically could not engage their weapons nor raise their shields and this gave Admiral Morrow a huge tactical advantage over the unsuspecting Klingons. When the Klingons realized their cloaking system had been compromised, they had suffered considerable losses. But the Klingons were out for blood and unyielding and more Klingon reinforcements kept arriving.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Battle of Yorktown Part II</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Captain! Captain!” Philippa heard a muffled voice and someone touching or maybe shaking her. There were commotion and frantic movements around her on the bridge. She opened her eyes and squinted, her head pounded and warm liquid trickled down the side of her face.</p><p>“Captain, are you okay?” Ensign Connor tried again.</p><p>“Danby, I’m okay. Help me up.” Philippa almost vomited and her vision remained unfocused when she got to her feet. Her ribs screamed in protest and her lower back throbbed.</p><p>A quick glance at the viewport confirmed they had got to Yorktown and the battle was well under way. She looked around her bridge. A section of the ceiling panels was gone and covered by force field. There were debris, electrical sparks and smoke everywhere. Two medical personnel and Commander Landry were helping injured bridge crew members.  </p><p>“Saru, report.” Philippa gasped out weakly still being held upright by Danby.</p><p>“Multiple hull breaches. Shields and weapon systems are offline. We are completely defenceless but impulse drive and navigation control is functional. You got us to Yorktown, Captain.”</p><p>“Detmer, are you okay? Can you still navigate the ship?”</p><p>“Aye, Captain.”</p><p>“Januzzi, evacuation alert. Saru, contact Admiral Terral and update him on our status and then begin evacuation procedure.”</p><p>Philippa sank heavily into the captain’s chair. Danby returned with a medkit and promptly assessed the captain’s injuries with a medical tricorder. He knew the captain would not leave the bridge until all the other crew members have evacuated and she would want her medical personnel to focus on the seriously injured. He had basic medical training to treat minor injuries. He injected the captain with a hypospray containing trianoline for her concussion and terakine to alleviate her pain. He then proceeded to use a dermal regenerator to heal the bleeding cut above the captain’s left eyebrow. Finally he gave her an injection from the vials the captain kept in her ready room for her heart condition.</p><p>“Captain, you also have two fractured ribs and a bruised kidney. The injuries do not appear to be life threatening but will be painful. I gave you an injection for the pain but I cannot treat those injuries.”</p><p>“Thank you, Danby.”</p><p>“Captain, the ship has been evacuated except the bridge.” Saru informed the captain.</p><p>“Saru, take the bridge crew and get to the evacuation pods. Detmer, I will take control of the helm from here. Go.” Philippa gave her remaining crew a final order. Without its shield a single hit from any weapon could prove fatal.</p><p>“With all due respect that is an order I cannot obey, Captain. I will leave the ship when you do.” Saru replied resolutely.</p><p>All the remaining eight bridge crew of the USS Shenzhou, Lieutenant Commander Saru, Commander Ellen Landry, Lieutenant Gen Rhys, Lieutenant Troy Januzzi, Lieutenant Junior Grade Keyla Detmer, Lieutenant Junior Grade Kamran Gant, Ensign Jira Narwani and Ensign Danby Connor pledged to stay with their captain.</p><p>“If I get into an evacuation pod before you Captain, Commander Burnham will put me in an airlock and eject me into space.” Ensign Connor told the captain as a matter of fact.</p><p>Lieutenant Detmer and Ensign Narwani simultaneously mumbled something that sounded like “You wouldn’t be the only one she ejects.”</p><p>Philippa laughed despite herself. She could almost imagine her former first officer threatening her crew for abandoning their captain despite being ordered to do so. Michael was a paradox of subservient obedience and defiant disobedience. The Shenzhou was flying with no defensive shields and no attacking capabilities in an open space battlefront with thousands of starships engaging in an intense interstellar warfare but the atmosphere on the bridge was heart-warming.</p><p>“Saru, contact Commodore Paris in Yorktown Headquarters command centre and request an emergency transport extraction.”</p><p>“Captain, emergency transport extraction confirmed but we need to get close to the space station to reach the extraction coordinates so they can open a small section of their shields to beam us down.”</p><p>“Contact Admiral Terral and let him know.”</p><p>“Four starships from Admiral Terral fleet are on standby to escort us.”</p><p>“Detmer, take us in.”</p><p> </p><p>**** Yorktown Battlefront****</p><p>Aboard the Klingon D7-class battle cruiser, Chancellor L’Rell was seething when she realized that T’Kuvma’s killer had baited her and lured the Klingons into an ambush. Fumed by her rage, she ordered all Klingons starships in Federation space to Yorktown and called for more reinforcement from Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor.</p><p>L’Rell was not a popular chancellor and had many enemies inside the Klingon High Council. Losing this battle would greatly diminish her influence and jeopardize her position. She had no choice but to abandon her pursue of the Shenzhou and focused her fight on the Federation battle fleets. She would take out the Shenzhou later after she dealt with Starfleet frivolous attacks.</p><p>From her viewport, she saw the heavily damaged Shenzhou heading away from the battlefront and ordered two of her Klingon Bird-of-Preys to pursue and destroy the starship. The Bird-of-Preys targeted their long range phasers at the Shenzhou but their beams were successfully deflected by the escorting starships deflector shields.</p><p>Captain Georgiou ordered Lieutenant Detmer to execute a series of evasive manoeuvres. They barely missed being hit by one of the four phaser cannons fired from the approaching Bird-of-Preys. Admiral Anderson ordered two of his Constitution-class starships, the USS Endeavour and the USS Lexington to assist the Shenzhou. The Starfleet heavy cruisers dropped on top of the Shenzhou and started engaging the Bird-of-Preys and drew them away from the defenceless starship but not before a phaser cannon struck one of the pylons beneath the Shenzhou primary hull and severed its left nacelle.</p><p>The explosions that followed disabled the Shenzhou impulse drive and spun the starship off course away from the extraction point. Ensign Narwani and Lieutenant Gant were gravely wounded in the blast. Captain Terrell of the USS Reliant, one of the escorting starships responded speedily by dropping its shield and deployed tractor beams to tow the Shenzhou to the extraction coordinates.</p><p>The last remaining crew aboard the USS Shenzhou along with its captain were engulfed in gold and transported down to Yorktown Headquarters. Philippa would have time to mourn for the crew she lost later. They still had a war to end and for now she was alive and she had kept her promise to Michael.</p><p>Eleven minutes after it was abandoned, the USS Shenzhou was hit by a photon torpedo and without its shield the explosion ripped the ship apart completely pulverizing it.</p><p> </p><p>****Aboard the USS Discovery****</p><p>Admiral Cornwell entered the Discovery engineering lab.</p><p>“How is she doing Dr Culber?”</p><p>“Her frontopolar cortex is registering an excessive amount of activity. This is not uncommon, it happens every time she’s connected to the spore drive but they don’t usually last as long. It has happened a few times before and she would wake up with confused and unpredictable behavioural pattern.</p><p>I do not know what happens to her inside the mycelial network but it seems Captain Georgiou is the only who can bring her back from whatever she experienced there. She usually returns to her usual self after she spoke with Captain Georgiou.”</p><p>The bio-function monitor alarm shrilled and Michael started convulsing. Dr Culber quickly injected a hypospray containing tricordrazine and the seizure stopped. Her pulse stabilized and her bio-function readings returned to normal.</p><p>Michael shocked Admiral Cornwell and Dr Culber when she sat up unexpectedly and started to hastily remove the wires connecting her to the various monitors. She did not seem to be aware of the other people in the room or chose to ignore them.</p><p>“Michael! Michael, stop. Do you know where you are? Michael!” Katrina tried unsuccessfully to get Michael’s attention. She had seen patients with severe PTSD behaving in similar manners. Their body physically present but their mind lost in another place.</p><p>“Katrina, you’re here. That’s good. We need to get going now.” Michael spoke in dispassionate and detached voice.</p><p>“Where are we going, Michael?” Katrina asked warily.</p><p>“We need to get to Philippa. She dies. In every permutation she dies. I can never get to her in time. Maybe you can.” Her tone carried no hint of emotional sentiment, an eerie contrast to her words.</p><p>Michael went limp and Katrina noticed Dr Culber with a hyprospray in his hand.</p><p>“I gave her a strong sedative. It will knock her out for a few hours. The best we can do now is to continue monitoring her neural activity. Don’t be alarmed by what she said. She’s confused and hallucinating.”</p><p>Katrina could not help but be alarmed with what Michael had said. If she lost Philippa, she would surely lose Michael too. She needed to get back to the bridge, end this war and find her dear friend.</p><p>Two hours later, Michael woke up alone in the engineering lab. The neural readings indicated that her frontopolar cortex activity was back to normal. Michael could not adequately process what she saw in the mycelial network so she pushed them deep down into the dim recesses of her mind. It made her felt disconnected from reality but at least she’s functional. She could not allow herself to think about Philippa and it made her feel empty inside.  </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>****Flashback inside the mycelial network****</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Philippa and Michael were on the bridge of a starship. They were all wearing the same gold armoured uniforms but the others were shooting at Philippa and Michael like they were staging a coup or a mutiny. Philippa was exposed, a phaser rifle in hand and shooting back at the rebels. Michael was running towards Philippa when a shot hit the captain in the chest and she went down. Michael tried to reach her but was suddenly engulfed in gold streams of light.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>****</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Philippa was standing in front of a shimmering well, she looked up and smiled at Michael. Michael saw an unidentified alien behind the captain. She tried to scream but there was no sound. The tip of a blade coated with dark red blood appeared out the front of Philippa’s body. The captain looked down in shock, blood trickling down the side of her mouth. The alien pulled out the blade and pushed Philippa into the well and then jumped in. Michael ran frantically towards them. When she got to the well, it had disappeared and on the ground laid Philippa’s captain badge stained with her blood.   </em>
</p><p>
  <em>****</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Philippa looked sickly and thin as she lay in bed connected to bio-function monitors. Michael held Philippa’s hands in hers murmuring words of endearment and kissing her knuckles softly. Philippa smiled affectionately at Michael and closed her eyes. She looked serene. Michael pressed the hands she’s holding tightly to her lips, silent tears streaming uncontrollably down her face and wetting the sheets. The bio-function monitor emitted a continuous monotone beep.   </em>
</p><p>
  <em>****</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Philippa turned around and waved a goodbye at Michael before the starship boarding ramp closed. Michael stood at the docking deck and watched the starship lifted off. She was about to turn when an array of red flashes appeared in the sky and struck the starship. The force of the explosion lifted Michael into the air and threw her backwards. She crashed back onto the docking deck with debris and ashes raining down on the platform. Her brain knew that the explosion came from the same starship Philippa just boarded but her heart refused to comprehend its significance.     </em>
</p><p>
  <em>****End Flashback****</em>
</p><p> </p><p>**** Yorktown Headquarters Infirmary****</p><p>The bridge crew of the USS Shenzhou and Captain Philippa Georgiou were being treated in the medical facility at Yorktown Headquarters. The captain had refused sedative, wanting to stay alert with the ongoing battle outside. Even with strong painkiller the treatments were still unpleasant and she could feel varying degree of ache in different parts of her body. The captain also had an oxygen mask on to help ease her breathing.     </p><p>Commodore Paris entered the infirmary and all the tension she had been holding in since she received the Shenzhou emergency transport extraction request dissolved when she saw Philippa. Philippa reached out and grabbed Afsaneh’s hand equally relieved to see her friend. Philippa was Afsaneh Paris’s first female lover. They parted on mutual terms and when Philippa later met Aoife, Afsaneh knew they made the right choice. Philippa had been so in love with Aoife. Afsaneh was happily married now to a Starfleet admiral and they had three children but Philippa would always have a special place in her heart.</p><p>“Pippa, I’m so relieved you made it out alive.” Afsaneh placed a kiss on Philippa forehead and turned to ask the doctor on duty about the captain’s condition.</p><p>“She’s undergoing bone knitting right now for fractured ribs and treatment for pneumothorax and contusion to her left kidney. All her superficial injuries have been treated. We are monitoring her concussion and pulmonary functions. We are also monitoring her cardiac functions due to a known heart condition.”</p><p>“Thank you, Dr Bashir.”</p><p>“Afsaneh..” Philippa coughed and grimaced when the cough made her chest ache. She had taken off her mask to talk to Afsaneh and was wheezing. “Contact Discovery…let Katrina know I’m okay. Tell Michael I’m okay.”</p><p>“I will. Now put your mask back on.” She had known the captain for over thirty years and Philippa hadn’t changed a bit, still as stubborn and tried to be as tough as ever.     </p><p> </p><p>**** Yorktown Battlefront****</p><p>The USS Discovery appeared in Yorktown 47 minutes after the USS Shenzhou. The first thing Admiral Katrina Cornwell wanted to do was find Philippa but she had a duty to perform and a war to end.</p><p>“Lieutenant Bryce, put me on broadcast on all open frequencies.”</p><p>“Aye, Admiral. You’re on the air.”</p><p>“To all Klingon vessels in Federation space. This is Admiral Katrina Cornwell on the USS Discovery. Starfleet has carried out targeted attacks on Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor. We have destroyed many of your military bases and facilities in both locations. Starfleet could have annihilated the Klingons by obliterating Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor but we chose not to do so because the Federation is a peaceful organization.</p><p>You are currently outnumbered and fighting a losing battle in Yorktown. On behalf of Starfleet, I propose a temporary ceasefire and you can validate my claim on the attacks on Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor. You have one hour to come forth to negotiate terms of armistice between the Federation and the Klingons.</p><p>Discovery out.”</p><p>Firing stopped and both Starfleet and Klingons alike momentarily fell into stunned silence after Admiral Cornwell’s broadcast. Both sides held their fire in apprehension unsure if the other side would comply with the proposed ceasefire. After the ceasefire incident at the Battle of the Binary Stars, Starfleet did not trust the Klingons any more than the Klingons were willing to trust Starfleet. Both sides kept their shields up, weapons on their targets and on high alert.</p><p>Councillor Kol of the House of Kor was Chancellor L’Rell biggest opponent on the Klingon High Council and sought to seize the chancellorship for himself. He sent a broadcast on the Klingon secure channel to the flagships belonging to the twenty four Great Houses requesting a meeting aboard the High Chancellor D7-class battle cruiser. Chancellor L’Rell was forced to accept and ordered all Klingon vessels to adhere to the temporary ceasefire and the representatives of the twenty four Great Houses beamed aboard the chancellor’s flagship.</p><p> </p><p>****Aboard the USS Discovery****</p><p>Michael left the engineering lab and walked aimlessly along the ship’s corridors until she came to a viewport. She stopped and looked outside. There were thousands of Federation and Klingon starships outside Yorktown. Seemingly random flashes of red, green and blue light appeared all over the space with intermittent explosions and there were chunks of space debris floating everywhere. As Michael stood there and watched, indifferent to what was happening outside Admiral Cornwell voice boomed over the ship’s intercom.</p><p>When the broadcast ended, all movement outside the viewport stopped except for the drifting space debris. Michael could sense something important was trying to penetrate her conscious mind but her body's needs for protection and healing kept it at bay. She instinctively headed towards the bridge.</p><p>When the door opened and Michael entered the bridge she did not acknowledge anyone. She simply stood there and looked around. When she locked gaze with Admiral Cornwell, she frowned as if confused why the admiral was there. </p><p>“Admiral, you have a private call from Commodore Paris in Yorktown Headquarters.” Lieutenant Bryce informed Admiral Cornwell.</p><p>“Direct the call to the captain’s ready room.” Admiral Cornwell guided Michael to the ready room with her.</p><p>“Commodore Paris, what can I do for you?”</p><p>“Kat, this is an unofficial call. Are you okay? How’s Michael?”</p><p>“I’m alright. Michael seems physically fine but I’m not sure if she’s emotionally okay.” Katrina looked at Michael who had been unusually aloof and apathetic.</p><p>“Pippa asked me to tell you she’s okay and to tell Michael she’s okay.”</p><p>“Oh thank god, I was so worried. I swear she will give me a heart attack one day. Where is she now? Why is she not calling herself?”</p><p>“She’s in the infirmary being treated for fractured ribs, collapsed lung, bruised kidney and they are monitoring her concussion, breathing and her heart but nothing life threatening. Did you know she had a heart condition?”</p><p>“No, I didn’t. She never told me.” Katrina was shocked to hear about it for the first time. If she knew maybe she would not have allowed Philippa to be part of the war council.</p><p>Hearing Commodore Paris and Katrina talked about Philippa slowly chipped away the neural barrier Michael had erected in her consciousness.</p><p>“It’s from the injuries she sustained when we boarded the Klingon warship to steal the ship’s data files. The Klingon blade has some kind toxin that affected her heart. It is not curable, at least Starfleet doesn’t know how. Dr Nambue has been giving her ongoing treatment because she’s susceptible to different heart complications, even life threatening ones. She only told me about it when she collapsed on the Shenzhou a month ago. I had to force the details out of Dr Nambue.” Michael explained sadly.</p><p>“Michael, how are you feeling?” An enormous relief washed over Katrina when the mention of Philippa seemed to wake Michael out of her catatonic state.</p><p>“I…I’m as okay as I can be right now. I want to see her, Kat. Can I request to be beamed down to Yorktown?”</p><p>“Of course, Michael.” Afsaneh and Katrina answered together.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>****Aboard Chancellor L’Rell Flagship****</em>
</p><p><strong> <em>Councillor K’Tal:</em> </strong> <em> Commander Morag confirmed the attacks on sixteen locations on Qo’noS. Starfleet has completely destroyed the Great Hall and Klingon High Council Chamber in the capital city. They also took out five shipyards on Qo’noS and many of our military facilities have been heavily damaged. They seemed to have only targeted governing and military facilities. </em></p><p><strong> <em>Councillor Duras:</em> </strong> <em> Commander Kaybok confirmed the attacks on Ty’Gokor. The Hall of Warriors, the command centre and two of the three orbital facilities have been completely destroyed. We lost a number of our tactical command battlecruisers and almost half of our warships. Most of the ground facilities have been heavily damaged.</em></p><p>
  <em>According to report the attacks were carried out by a single starship, the USS Discovery. The starship appeared to have a secret technology that allows it to jump light-years in an instant. </em>
</p><p><strong> <em>General Chang:</em> </strong> <em> Starfleet has also developed a method to detect and triangulate location of our cloaked vessels. We have greatly underestimated their technology.</em></p><p><strong> <em>Councillor Kol:</em> </strong> <em> T’Kuvma used an ancient prophecy to proclaim himself the Torchbearer by activating the Beacon of Kahless as a plot to lead Klingons into a war with the Federation. Now Chancellor L’Rell a loyal T’Kuvma follower has led the Klingons to destruction in her personal quest to avenge T’Kuvma.</em></p><p>
  <em>I vote for Klingons to accept the armistice with the Federation and call for a tribunal to look into Chancellor L’Rell abuse of power and strip her of chancellorship.</em>
</p><p><strong> <em>Chancellor L’Rell:</em> </strong> <em> T’Kuvma was honourable. He only sought to unify the Great Houses and empower a united Klingon Empire. Kol has long wanted the chancellorship for himself to fulfil his own ambition and that of the House of Kor. Klingons are warriors, we do not surrender.</em></p><p><strong> <em>Councillor Ujilli:</em> </strong> <em> I stand by Chancellor L’Rell. Klingons do not surrender.</em></p><p><strong> <em>General Chang:</em> </strong> <em> Even if what you speak is true, it does not change our current situation. We have sustained heavy loses to our military facilities on Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor. We have lost more than half of our war fleets here in Yorktown. Our homeworld is defenceless against their latest technology. </em></p><p><strong> <em>Ambassador Kell:</em> </strong> <em> Destroying an Empire to win a war is no victory, and ending a battle to save an Empire is no defeat. I agree with Councillor Kol to accept the armistice. We should put it to vote.  </em></p><p>
  <em>[The representatives of the twenty four Great Houses voted 14 to 10 in favour of the armistice.]</em>
</p><p><strong> <em>Ambassador Kell:</em> </strong> <em> Chancellor L’Rell will negotiate the terms of armistice with the Federation on behalf of the Klingon High Council. Her tribunal will begin after we return to Qo’noS.      </em></p><p> </p><p>****Yorktown Headquarters Infirmary****</p><p>Commander Michael Burnham stood in a distance unnoticed and watched her beloved captain reclined on a biobed and hooked up to bio-function monitors with an oxygen mask over her face. The scene looked painfully familiar and Michael was overcome with a sense of déjà vu. Since she woke up from her spore drive jumps she had managed to keep the images she saw in the mycelial network at bay but the emotions she experienced there had started crawling their way out of the recesses of her mind and the anguish felt far worse than when she was inside the mycelium navigation chamber. Only the sight of Philippa alive in front of her made it bearable.</p><p>Michael approached the captain quietly but was stopped by a medical personnel in nurse uniform.</p><p>“She has only just dozed off. She refused sedative insisting on staying alert but I think her body has finally reached its limit. Her treatment is almost complete, you can wake her up in 15 minutes.” The female nurse whispered and smiled politely.</p><p>Michael sat down at the chair next to the biobed. She laid a hand next to Philippa’s on the biobed but did not make an attempt to touch the captain. Philippa automatically reached for Michael’s hand and grip it tightly. She made no other movement and her eyes were still closed, her breathing even. Her action seemed to be instinctive and not fully conscious. Even in her unconscious state, Philippa knew Michael needed her touch.</p><p>Michael was well versed in the science of emotions. However her own emotions when it came to Philippa and their bond defied logic and fundamental science. Michael knew at some point she would need to confront what she saw in the mycelial network and what they meant. The mycelium universe was very real and Michael was certain what she saw was not mere illusion or manifestation of her fear.</p><p> </p><p>****Aboard the USS Discovery****</p><p>“Admiral Cornwell, the Klingons are hailing us.” Lieutenant Bryce announced.</p><p>“On screen.”</p><p>“Admiral Cornwell, this is Chancellor L’Rell. I speak on behalf of the Klingon High Council. I will accept an armistice with the Federation on one condition. You will give me T’Kuvma’s killer, Captain Philippa Georgiou of the USS Shenzhou.”</p><p>“What do you plan to do with Captain Georgiou?” Admiral Cornwell was aghast at Chancellor L’Rell’s request.</p><p>“She will stand trial as T’Kuvma’s killer and be sentenced to death under Klingon law.”</p><p>“The Federation does not condone death penalty. T’Kuvma deliberately and intentionally started this war. Captain Georgiou’s killing of T’Kuvma was justified. I will not hand over Captain Georgiou to the Klingons.”</p><p>“I have offered my terms and if the Federation does not accept then the war continues.”</p><p>“Starfleet is still in the position to annihilate Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor and your war fleets cannot win this battle in Yorktown.”</p><p>“Then henceforth all blood will be on your hands. Are you willing to risk the lives of millions for just one? If you hand over T’Kuvma’s killer, I will withdraw all Klingon vessels from Federation space with immediate effect.”</p><p>“I will need to discuss your terms of armistice with Starfleet Command.”</p><p>“You have one hour to accept my terms.”</p><p>Of all the possible outcomes, handing over Captain Philippa Georgiou to the Klingons to face a death penalty was not one Admiral Katrina Cornwell had anticipated.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Trial by Combat</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The nurse who spoke to Michael earlier came by to wake the captain and removed the various devices and monitors she was connected to.</p><p>“I thought getting injured and being in sickbay was my thing. It doesn’t look good on you, Captain.”</p><p>“Oh Michael, come here.” Philippa sat up and pulled Michael into a warm and protective hug. Philippa sensed something different in Michael, something dark and disturbing and it was shrouding her emotions. “Michael, what’s wrong?” She asked gently, her voice laced with loving concern.</p><p>Philippa tried to lock gaze with Michael but Michael pulled away unwilling to let Philippa see into her soul, afraid of what Philippa might find there. She only wanted to protect the captain from what she saw in the mycelial network but it had the opposite effect. When Michael pulled away, Philippa felt like she’s been stabbed through the heart, her mouth tasted sour and her eyes burned.  </p><p>Two security officers approached the captain and told her she was needed at the command centre urgently and they were to escort the captain there. Philippa asked them to give her a few minutes to change back into her uniform. She needed to fix whatever it was that had unknowingly happened between Michael and her since they left Earth. Michael still refused to look Philippa in the eyes.</p><p>“Can we talk about this later, Michael?” Philippa swallowed her hurt and mustered all her resolve to get her voice to work. Michael did not reply but gave Philippa a weak nod.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>****Inside Yorktown Headquarters Conference Room****</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Admiral Morrow, Admiral Anderson, Admiral Terral and Admiral Cornwell beamed down to Yorktown Headquarters. They gathered with Commodore Paris and Captain Georgiou in Yorktown Headquarters Command Centre conference room to hold a meeting with the other war council members at Starfleet Headquarters.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Admiral Cornwell played the holo-recording of the conversation between Chancellor L’Rell and herself on the terms of armistice. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Admiral Katrina Cornwell:</em>
  </strong>
  <em> The Federation cannot possibly agree to the Klingons’ terms. I think this is personal for Chancellor L’Rell and she is not speaking for the Klingon High Council. I can send another broadcast to address the other Great Houses of the Klingon Empire.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Fleet Admiral Roddenberry:</em>
  </strong>
  <em> I agree that we cannot hand over Captain Georgiou to the Klingons but sending another broadcast now might demean our position. If the Klingons refuse the armistice, what is our status in Yorktown and are we prepared to execute our contingency plans on Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor?   </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Fleet Admiral Morrow:</em>
  </strong>
  <em> Our battle fleets are well positioned to defend Yorktown and defeat the Klingons here. Casualties will be high but victory is a certainty, Sir. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Admiral Terral: </em>
  </strong>
  <em>Everything the Federation has fought for and the values we have tried to uphold will be lost if we commit genocide against the Klingons. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Fleet Admiral Roddenberry:</em>
  </strong>
  <em> Defeating the Klingons in Yorktown will not be enough. It is imperative to prove that we can carry out our threat on annihilating Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor to force an armistice on the Klingons once and for all. Admiral Cornwell, what is Discovery’s status?</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Admiral Katrina Cornwell:</em>
  </strong>
  <em> Commander Burnham is in no condition to execute more jumps. The rapid long jump sequences she carried out on the attacks on Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor has caused significant neurological and psychological  trauma. Discovery is in no position to carry out our threat. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Fleet Admiral Roddenberry: </em>
  </strong>
  <em>What are our alternatives? We cannot risk tens of thousands of lives on an empty threat. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Captain Philippa Georgiou</em>
  </strong>
  <em>: I accept Chancellor L’Rell’s terms.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Commodore Paris /</em>
  </strong>
  <em> <strong>Admiral Katrina Cornwell:</strong> Philippa, no!</em>
</p><p><strong><em>Captain Philippa Georgiou</em></strong><em>:</em> <em>What we did today, every life we lost it was in hope to end the Federation-Klingon war. If we do not accept their terms now, all our sacrifices could be in vain. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few…or the one. You need to let me do this. Don’t let me live with more death on my conscience. Let me try to end this war. </em>   </p><p>
  <em>Admiral Cornwell, I need you to deliver a counter proposal to the Klingon High Council. Tell them that T’Kuvma’s killer request to fight Chancellor L’Rell in a trial by combat. If I lose, Chancellor L’Rell will get what she wants which is to avenge T’Kuvma’s death and the Klingons must uphold their end of the armistice and withdraw from Federation space immediately. If I win, I go free and the Klingon High Council must agree to sign a peace treaty with the Federation. </em>
</p><p>****</p><p> </p><p>Katrina Cornwell entered the private room Commodore Paris had arranged for Philippa to rest and prepare for her upcoming trial by combat.  </p><p>“The Klingon High Council has accepted our counter proposal. The trial by combat will take place aboard Councillor Kol’s flagship in an hour. Starfleet can bring a team of twelve armed officers on board to escort you.” Katrina informed the captain sombrely.</p><p>They both knew the Klingon High Council would agree because there was never any doubt Chancellor L’Rell would claim her Right of Vengeance against the captain. As for the Klingon High Council, watching the captain die personally by their chancellor’s hands aboard a Klingon flagship would be a consolation prize for their retreat.</p><p>“Thank you, Kat.” Philippa answered quietly.</p><p>“What’s going on, Pippa? What are you not telling me?” Philippa seemed pensive and it was not because of her upcoming fight.</p><p>“What happened to Michael on the Discovery? She’s different and she wouldn’t even look me in the eye.” Philippa was disconsolate by what took place in the infirmary earlier.</p><p>“I’m not sure what really happened to her inside the mycelial network but I think her body and her mind is in fight-or-flight response to what she experienced. She was unconscious for few hours after the last jump and when she woke up she seemed indifferent to everything that was happening around her. It was only when Afsaneh told us about you that it brought her out of her catatonic state.” Katrina shivered when she recalled what Michael had said. <em>She dies. In every permutation she dies. I can never get to her in time.</em></p><p>“I want to see her, Kat. Can you find her for me?”</p><p>“I will but not before you tell me what’s really going on. I know you, Pippa. This is not just about Michael.” Katrina persisted and Philippa sighed dejectedly.</p><p>“I’m dying, Kat. The blade the Klingon stabbed me with was laced with some kind of toxin that is continuously attacking my heart. Starfleet does not have a cure and it’s killing me slowly but surely.”</p><p>“Michael told us about your heart condition and that Dr Nambue has been treating you.”</p><p>“I know she forced Anton to give her the details of my medical condition but I made him swear not to tell her about this. No one knows.”</p><p>“There must be something we can do. I can get you Starfleet best medical treatments.”</p><p>“Anton is actively looking for a cure and is trying his best to treat me. No matter what he tried, he can’t remove the toxin from my system. The Klingons are hardly going to hand over a cure to T’Kuvma’s killer and we don’t even know if there is one.”</p><p>“You can have a cardiac replacement, get a heart transplant or an artificial heart. They have all kinds of implants these days. This is the 23<sup>rd</sup> century for god’s sake.”</p><p>“A cardiac replacement will not work because the toxin will attack the new heart or move on to other organs. Besides you know where I stand when it comes to artificial organs. I want to live as a human, Kat. Not some half-human half-machine. We are not meant to be immortal.”</p><p>“How long have you known?”</p><p>“We weren’t sure in the beginning and then the symptoms kept persisting and started getting worst no matter the treatment. Anton confirmed it just before we arrived on Earth for the conclave.”</p><p>“How long…how long do you have?”</p><p>“We think two years maybe three the most.”</p><p>“Is that why you offered yourself as bait for this operation and agreeing to the term of this armistice?”</p><p>“No, of course not. I’m not suicidal, Kat. Using myself as bait was the best strategic move for this operation and you know it deep in your heart that I have to accept the term of this armistice. It is the right thing to do regardless.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, Pippa. Are you going to tell Michael?”</p><p>“I don’t know how and it will not change anything. Right now I just want to make sure she’s okay before my fight. I don’t want her to live with guilt and regret if I cannot keep my promise to her this time.”</p><p>****</p><p>Katrina had to take a few minutes to get her tears under control and her emotions in check before she set out to look for Michael. She only managed to hold herself together in the room with Philippa because of the dire situation the captain was caught in and they were in the middle of a precarious ceasefire. The computer indicated Michael was in the small indoor garden next to the infirmary.</p><p>“Michael, how are you holding up?” Katrina asked as she took a seat next to Michael on one of the garden benches.</p><p>“I think I messed up…I think I hurt her earlier in the infirmary.” Her body, mind and soul had always sought out Philippa. Michael was acutely aware that for the first time since she had admitted to herself she was in love with Philippa, she had pulled away from the captain. She felt Philippa’s pain when they were in the infirmary. Michael had betrayed their bond and hurt Philippa deeply.</p><p>Katrina wanted to thread carefully and gently with Michael because she was certain Michael had not recovered from her earlier trauma but Philippa was running out of time. She was not a gambler but even she would bet against the captain in her fight against L’Rell in her current condition. Philippa at her best could defeat any Klingons in hand-to-hand combat not because she was the strongest or most skilled fighter but because she was one the smartest fighter in Starfleet.</p><p>“There’s something I need to tell you, Michael. There is no easy way to say this. The Klingons have agreed to accept the armistice on one condition, that we give them Philippa to stand trial as T’Kuvma’s killer. The penalty is death. The Federation did not agree to the term...”</p><p>“But Philippa accepted.” Michael interjected and completed what Katrina was about to say.</p><p>“Yes, she did. She requested to fight L’Rell in a trial by combat. If she loses, L’Rell avenges T’Kuvma’s death and the Klingons will accept the armistice and withdraw from Federation space. If she wins, the Klingon High Council will agree to sign a peace treaty with the Federation. By doing this she guarantees that either way the war ends today.”</p><p>“I understand why she has to accept. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. She cannot win in a fight against L’Rell, not in her current state. She’s weaker than she has ever been.” Michael kept shaking her head, all the images she tried to suppress came crashing through the neural barrier she erected. In every permutation she saw Philippa died. Was the mycelium universe trying to show Michael what was inevitable or were those experiences merely manifestation of her fear? Did knowing the future make acceptance easier? If Michael held the knowledge and power of time in her hands, would changing the present, the past or future be the right thing to do? There was no wisdom in knowing the future.</p><p>“I need to see her, Kat.”</p><p>“I know. She’s asking for you.”</p><p>****</p><p>When Michael entered the private room, Philippa was in deep mediation. She sat cross-legged in a lotus position her palms facing upwards and her wrists resting on her knees. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing slowly and deeply. The calm and peaceful energy emitted from the captain was powerful and pervasive and it gave Michael clarity.</p><p>Michael lowered herself down mirroring Philippa’s lotus position their knees almost touching. She placed her palms downwards resting the tip of her fingers on top of Philippa’s with the slightest touch of pressure. Michael closed her eyes and synchronized her breathing to Philippa. Their hearts started to beat as one. Michael’s strong heartbeat merged with Philippa’s weaker rhythm.</p><p>On Earth there was an ancient practice that believed health could be restored by rebuilding a person’s <em>qi</em> and correcting <em>qi</em> imbalances. <em>Qi</em> was believed to be a vital life force or energy flow of all living entity and with certain practice and meditation can be shared and transferred between individuals. As the <em>qi</em> started to flow between them, Michael gave her <em>qi</em> to strengthen Philippa’s weakening heart and heal her bruised body while Philippa offered hers to quell Michael’s tumultuous mind and heal her tormented soul.        </p><p>They opened their eyes at the same time and locked gaze, ending their session in silence and understanding. All was forgiven; love meant never having to say you’re sorry. They both knew Michael was going to escort Philippa aboard Kronos One. Michael did not know what was going to happen, all she knew was she needed to be there. Philippa was going to bring Michael because as selfish as it sounded, she knew that if there was the slightest chance she could make it out of this fight alive it would be because of Michael’s presence and if she didn’t then she needed Michael in death as much as she did in life.  </p><p> </p><p>****Aboard Councillor Kol’s flagship Kronos One****</p><p>The Starfleet team consisting of Admiral Katrina Cornwell, Admiral Terral, Captain Gabriel Lorca, Commander Michael Burnham, Dr Julian Bashir, Commander Ellen Landry, Commander Nhan, Lieutenant Gen Rhys and four of Yorktown best security officers beamed aboard Kronos One, a Klingon K't'inga-class battle cruiser which served as Councillor Kol flagship.</p><p>The team was led by two Klingon guards into a large pentagon shaped hall. On one side sat eight members from the Klingon High Council including Councillor Kol and Ambassador Kell, flanked by Klingon armed guards on both sides. In the middle of the hall was a slightly raise round platform almost forty feet in diameter. Six equally spaced pedestals surrounded the platform each holding a type of Klingon blade weapon; bat’leth, gin’tak spear, mek’leth, tajtIq, jey’naS and a pair of daqtagh.</p><p>The scene reminded Admiral Cornwell of Earth ancient gladiator arena. The Klingon guards led the Starfleet team to one side of the hall directly opposite the Klingon High Council members. Every nerves on Captain Lorca were on the edge. Command Landry and Lieutenant Rhys could feel sweat rolling down their spines. Commander Nhan and the four Yorktown security guards gripped their phaser rifles tightly. The air smelt of fear and death.</p><p>Chancellor L’Rell stood arrogantly on one end of the platform. Philippa stepped up calmly and confidently. Every warrior hoped a good death would find them. The ancient Earth Viking warriors were capable of true freedom in battle because fear of death was absent for them. Those who clung to life died, and those who defied death lived. Captain Philippa Georgiou was not a warrior and she was definitely not a hero. She was not fearless and all she had was hope. It was her compassion that gave her the courage to act in the face of fear. It was her hope for peace that she stood before her accuser today.</p><p>Ambassador Kell spoke on behalf of the Klingon High Council. “Captain Philippa Georgiou of Starfleet stood accused by Chancellor L’Rell for the killing of T’Kuvma aboard the Sarcophagus. The accused requested a trial by combat. If she loses, she will be put to death in accordance with Klingon law. Klingons will agree to an armistice and withdraw its fleets from Federation space and Federation fleets will not enter Klingon space. If the accused wins, she is free to leave and Klingons will agree to sign a peace treaty with the Federation.</p><p>The accuser and the accused can only use the weapons from the six pedestals. The fight is to the death and under no circumstances can anyone interfere with the fight until it is concluded.</p><p>Heghlu’meH QaQ jajvam <em>[It is a good day to die]</em>.”</p><p>L’Rell picked the tajtIq as her weapon of choice, a long blade similar to a sword with one large barb and several saw teeth gracing it's spine. Philippa picked the mek’leth a weapon suitable for warriors with quick movements and ideal for tight space fighting. Philippa knew she could not match L’Rell in strength but her smaller size allowed her to move with more agility.</p><p>The chancellor attacked first and the clanging of blades clashing echoed through the hall. Philippa parried every one of L’Rell’s blow swiftly matching her Klingon attacker in strength and speed. Katrina felt her heart skipped a beat with every blow. She chanced a glance at Michael and could not imagine what Michael must be going through but there was no reaction from Michael. She seemed completely at peace.</p><p>L’Rell dealt a heavy downward vertical strike and Philippa raised the mek’leth up horizontally to block. L’Rell had height advantage and the momentum of the blow pushed Philippa down to one knee. The edge of tajtIq inched closer towards Philippa’s face. Philippa did not have the strength to hold against the Klingon with one arm so she raised her left hand and pressed her palm to against the spine of the mek’leth and simultaneously pushed herself up.</p><p>As Philippa got to her feet she quickly twisted her blade using the curved tip near the hidden tang to lock the two blade together, then slammed a right kick into L’Rell left knee. As L’Rell stumbled slightly, she released the lock, pulled back and delivered a fast swooshing strike just above the cross-guard of the tajtIq successfully dislodging the weapon from L’Rell’s grip.</p><p>L’Rell reacted quickly and jumped backwards took two long strides and grabbed the gin’tak spear. Philippa could feel her heart pumping ferociously and she broke out in cold sweats. Her muscles ached for more oxygen. Blood dripped from the cut on her left palm. She did not have the stamina to match L’Rell and could not afford to drag out the fight. L’Rell swung the spear skilfully in quick successive strikes forcing Philippa again into defensive parries. Philippa was tiring quickly and her movements were getting sluggish. A rotating flick disarmed Philippa and L’Rell landed a forceful push kick to the centre of the captain’s chest.</p><p>The impact sent Philippa tumbling backwards and she fell hard onto her back white spots blinded her vision as pain exploded from the centre of her chest spreading to her shoulders and back. She could not breathe for a few seconds. She coughed as she tried to suck in air and it only sent more sharp pains shooting from her ribs and sternum. Tasting an impending victory, L’Rell raised her spear to incite the supporting Klingon crowds. Philippa did not make a move to get up. She needed to conserve every bit of her energy and make every move count. Katrina moved reflexively when she saw Philippa hit the floor only to be held back by Michael. Even the cold and impassive Captain Lorca cringed.</p><p>L’Rell stood over Philippa with her spear raised and aimed for the captain’s heart. Ostensibly seconds from death, Philippa timed her move and rolled at the very last moment. L’Rell missed her target and stumbled forward. The captain executed a foot sweep and brought the Klingon down on her back. The effort caused her entire upper torso to flare up and her heart spasm painfully in her chest nearly pitching her into darkness. Unable to breath probably she struggled to stay upright on her feet.</p><p>Enraged, L’Rell lunged at the captain with her bare hands pummelling Philippa mercilessly with punches after punches. All Philippa could do was raise her arms and keep it tight in front of her to protect her chest and head. Finally the captain collapsed on the platform and writhed in agony after taking successive blows to her left torso and kidney. The only thing she could register at this point was excruciating, unbearable pain. Her body wanted nothing more than to escape from this incessant agony. A thought, an image, a voice gnawed at her consciousness ~ <em>promise me you will do whatever it takes to stay alive. </em></p><p>L’Rell had enough, this time she would end T’Kuvma’s killer once and for all. She walked over the pedestal holding the bat’leth. The word bat’leth meant sword of honour. According to Klingon mythology the first bat’leth was forged by the mythical legend Kahless himself. T’Kuvma was a faithful follower of the ancient teachings of Kahless, it was befitting that his killer should die by this weapon. L’Rell lifted the bat’leth and charged at the fallen captain with her arm raised and her torso exposed. Philippa knew she could only summon enough energy for one final move and she was done for. The tajtIq was within her reach. As a shadow casted over her, she grabbed the tajtIq and spun onto one knee pushing herself up as she thrusted the blade upwards with the last of her strength.</p><p>When asked about her historic fight with the High Chancellor of the Klingon Empire aboard Kronos One, Philippa would reply that she had no memory of what happened after she picked up the tajtIq or how Chancellor L’Rell died. Commander Michael Burnham would remember that moment graphically for as long as she lived. It happened exactly as she saw in the mycelial network. As Philippa spun around and thrusted the tajtIq upwards it pierced the centre of the chancellor’s torso and impaled her through the heart killing L’Rell within seconds. Concurrently L’Rell plunged the bat’leth downwards, the blade sliced through human flesh and bones like butter and embedded itself in the captain’s chest.</p><p>Ambassador Kell declared the fight over with no winner. The Klingon High Council honoured the agreed armistice and one by one Klingon starships left Federation space and returned to their homeworld.</p><p>The Federation-Klingon war was finally over but there was no victory in war. War took everything and gave nothing.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Aftermath of War</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Occasionally something would slither its way into her consciousness. Everything hurt, then nothing. There were muffled voices and distant sound, flickering lights and occasional sensation on her skin. Pain was a constant companion but along with it there was a familiar soothing voice and a comforting touch.</p><p>****</p><p>Starfleet top surgeons performed hours of surgery after surgery; cryogenic open-heart surgery, aorta graft, cardiopulmonary reconstruction procedures to repair the life threatening injuries to the captain’s heart and lungs. Then there were surgeries and various organ and tissue regeneration procedures needed to repair her trachea, bronchial tree, esophagus, diaphragm, liver, kidney, spleen and vessels. Knitting treatments were needed for broken, shattered and fractured bones including the thoracic spine, sternum, ribs, clavicle and scapula; followed by more reconstruction and regenerative treatments to restore a wide range of muscle, tissue and nerve damages. The captain’s entire upper left torso was torn apart by the lethal Klingon weapon. Philippa was kept in a medically induced coma throughout her recovery intervals between surgeries and medical equipment aided her cardiopulmonary functions.</p><p>Starfleet doctors had prepared a series of recovery treatments and anticipated that the captain would need more corrective surgeries. Philippa had a long rehabilitation ahead of her and complete recovery would not be attainable. Furthermore, the doctors were concern about the toxin in her system, her heart condition, severe muscle and nerve damages, trauma to her thoracic spine and non-traumatic brain injury due to the effects of ischaemia and reperfusion. Any one or more of the captain’s injuries would have chronic complications and could lead to permanent disability.</p><p>The war was over and the Klingons honoured their terms. Admiral Katrina Cornwell arranged for Commander Michael Burnham to be granted an indefinite leave of absence from Starfleet duty. There was nothing more important for Michael to do now than to be with Philippa. Katrina spared no effort for the friend she had almost lost. She made sure the captain had the best medical care Starfleet could offer, took care of her surviving and deceased crew from the USS Shenzhou, arranged for her most loyal and closest crew members to be assigned to the USS Discovery and transferred Dr Anton Nambue to Starfleet Medical Centre to oversee the captain’s recovery.</p><p>The Federation Council was most eager to grant any of Admiral Cornwell’s requests for the Starfleet captain who was the mastermind behind one of Starfleet greatest military operation in the 23<sup>rd</sup> century, defeated the High Chancellor of the Klingon Empire in a hand-to-hand combat and ended the Federation-Klingon war with an armistice. Michael never left Philippa’s side, spending every moment the captain was not in surgery with her in their private hospital suite at Starfleet Medical Centre that had been specially set up for the two heroes of the Federation-Klingon war.</p><p>Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks.</p><p>****</p><p>Michael had a lot of time to meditate and reflect on the past year. She thought about her bond with Philippa, her experiences in the mycelium universe and their decisions during the war. She still deeply regretted hurting Philipp at Yorktown infirmary. She knew Philippa had forgiven her but that did not necessarily meant she wasn’t still hurt by Michael’s action then. They were both experts in supressing their emotions and circumstances had not permitted them to deal with their personal affairs when the fate of others took precedence.</p><p>For all her brilliance and ingenuity, Michael was no match for the universe. In the end, all Michael could do was stood and watch what she saw in the mycelial network happened right in front of her. Could she have changed the outcome? Would changing the outcome be the right thing to do? Michael knew Philippa had to do what she did and Michael had to let her. Could Michael make the same sacrifice over and over again, each time choosing duty above love? If Michael had risked the armistice for Philippa, she would have condemned the captain to a tormented life ridden with guilt and remorse. Had duty and love not demanded the same sacrifice?  </p><p>Michael hated and feared the Klingons ever since the attack on Doctari Alpha that killed her parents. The Klingons took her first home, started the war unprovoked and now when Michael finally found her home again, the Klingons almost took that from her too and could still take it from her. The Federation had won and ended the war but when Michael found out they had killed over 250,000 Klingons that day she realized victory was hollow. There was no justice in vengeance, only sorrow and emptiness. She may not be prepared to forgive herself for her parents’ death but she forgave the Klingons and made peace with her fear.  </p><p>Michael was naturally inquisitive and had an insatiable curiosity for science but humanity was not ready for the ineffable mysteries and knowledge held within the mycelium universe. Moreover, operation Yorktown had proven how dangerous the spore drive technology could be in the hands of any governing power. There was only one thing left to do. She had been working with Lieutenant Stamets and Ensign Tilly on a DNA resequencing procedure that would remove the tardigrade DNA in her. Only a handful of Starfleet personnel knew what really went on inside Discovery engineering lab and that Michael was the spore drive navigation interface. Because Michael was a human and not technically a piece of technology owned by Starfleet, the decision was entirely hers and Admiral Katrina Cornwell used every bit of her influence to ensure Michael’s decision would be upheld and supported.</p><p>****</p><p>It had been nineteen weeks since the Battle of Yorktown when Dr Nambue informed Michael that the doctors wanted to gradually bring Philippa out of her medically induced coma. The captain’s neural, cardiac and pulmonary functions were being monitored stringently. Dr Nambue warned Michael to be patient and be prepared because the full extent of the trauma Philippa sustained had yet been concluded. There was a possibility the captain may never regain consciousness. </p><p>“How is she doing?” Katrina had tried to visit as often as she could between her duties on Earth and off-world obligations.</p><p>“Her last surgery was two weeks ago and they have removed her dependency on medical equipment so she’s been breathing on her own and her heart function is stable though weak. The doctors have replaced the neural caliper with intravenous drug so they can gradually wean her off anesthetics. We have to wait for her to wake up before the doctors can assess the next stage of treatments.” Michael replied solemnly.</p><p>“How are you holding up, Michael?”</p><p>“I have my good days and my bad days but most days I’m just grateful she’s alive.” It was easy to be honest with Katrina, maybe it was because she used to be a therapist or simply because they both deeply loved the unconscious woman lying in the biobed between them.</p><p>“There will be a memorial service at Starfleet Headquarters in two days and an award ceremony the following week to commemorate and honour those who fought to end the Federation-Klingon war. I don’t need to tell you the numerous commendations the Federation wanted to award the both of you.”</p><p>“You know she hated it whenever someone cited her as one of Starfleet most highly decorated captains.” Michael smiled at the memories of Philippa downplaying it or shrugging it off whenever she was complimented on her official achievements.</p><p>“Well, I’m pretty after this she will be the top 3 most highly decorated captains in Starfleet history, if not the most highly decorated one.”</p><p>“Will you accept her commendations on her behalf? I think she would want you to be the one.”</p><p>“Of course, Michael. I would be honoured to. What about you? Will you attend?”</p><p>“No. Can you ask Captain Lorca to accept mine? I don’t want to leave her even if she’s in a coma.”</p><p>“I’m sure Captain Lorca would be happy to. Are you planning to skip the memorial as well?”</p><p>“No, I want to attend the memorial. Philippa would have wanted to be there herself to pay her respects especially to the crew she lost. She hasn’t even got time to mourn them. I can’t imagine everything she will have to deal with when she wakes up, sometimes it almost makes me wish she doesn’t. But how can I not wish she will wake up and it makes me feel so selfish.”</p><p>“No, Michael. It is never selfish to love, especially not the way you love her. She will wake up because she’s way too stubborn to die. Her body just needs more time to heal.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>***Flashback****</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When Dr Bashir had proclaimed the human captain was miraculously alive disbelief and shock spread across the Klingon starship. Philippa could still succumb to her injuries any moment. Ambassador Kell told Admiral Cornwell that if the captain should live, the Klingon High Council would agree to a peace treaty negotiation with the Federation. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Starfleet team was beamed back to Yorktown Headquarters where the medical team worked rigorously to remove the bat’leth and barely kept the captain alive. Philippa arrested multiple times on the surgical biobed mid operation and Dr Bashir had to call for a code white resuscitation twice, including having to perform direct neural resequencing in conjunction with cortical simulation when the captain did not respond to cordrazine in her last cardiac arrest.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After the bat’leth was successfully taken out the captain had gone into a coma and Dr Bashir decided to put Philippa in stasis. Her injuries were too extensive and any one of them could turn fatal quickly. The captain needed to be transported urgently to Starfleet Medical Centre on Earth to receive the best medical treatments. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Commander Michael Burnham made what was to be her final spore drive jump taking the USS Discovery from Yorktown to Earth in an instant with the critically wounded captain aboard.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>****</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The Federation held a memorial service at Starfleet Headquarters on Earth to commemorate those who bravely and selflessly gave their lives in the Battle of Yorktown. Starfleet lost 12,743 officers, 129 were crew members of the USS Shenzhou. The Klingons lost more than 250,000 lives on that fateful day at Yorktown and on Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor. It was the first time Commander Michael Burnham left Starfleet Medical Centre in nineteen weeks.</p><p>It was an emotional reunion when the surviving ex-crew members of the USS Shenzhou gathered to commemorate their fallen comrades. Michael had wished they could meet again under different circumstances. Everyone was concerned about the captain but she had no good news to share apart from telling them Captain Georgiou was alive. She was happy to find out that Saru, Keyla, Jira, Ellen and Gen had accepted their new assignments on the USS Discovery. Danby had decided to remain in an administrative position at Starfleet Headquarters so he could be close to his family and Troy had decided to accept a position in Yorktown. Lieutenant Kamran Gant had succumbed to his injuries in Yorktown infirmary and could not be revived. They also lost Commander Webb, Lieutenant Commander Itzel Garcia and Lieutenant Belin Oliveira all of whom had served as bridge crew on the USS Shenzhou for as long as Philippa was captain. But it would be Lieutenant Kamran Gant’s death that would devastate the captain because he had stayed with her till the very end.</p><p>An award ceremony was held a week following the memorial to honour those who fought valiantly to end the Federation-Klingon war. Posthumous awards were given to the family of many of the Starfleet officers who died in the Battle of Yorktown. The USS Shenzhou was posthumously awarded the President's Unit Citation for Valor for conspicuous valour in the face of the enemy as a unit for its role in the Battle of Yorktown and the USS Discovery was awarded for its role in the attack on the Klingon Empire. Lieutenant Commander Saru accepted the award for the USS Shenzhou on behalf of the recovering Captain Philippa Georgiou. All surviving and deceased crew members of both starships were awarded Starfleet Medal of Honor.</p><p>Commander Michael Burnham was awarded the Star Fleet Cross among her other commendations for her extraordinary heroism in successfully carrying out Starfleet mission on Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor. Captain Gabriel Lorca accepted Commander Burnham’s awards on her behalf. Michael chose not to attend the award ceremony not just because she did not want to leave Philippa alone in their hospital suite but because she did not feel like a hero. Michael did not feel heroic for enabling an advance secret technology to kill tens of thousands Klingons even if one could argue that modern warfare had long been based on technology.</p><p>The greatest honour obviously went to Captain Philippa Georgiou who was awarded numerous commendations including the Cross of Alexander, the Latinum Star and the Medal of Valor which was the Federation highest commendation. At the time of the award ceremony, the captain was still in a coma and her fate remained uncertain. Admiral Katrina Cornwell accepted the awards on behalf of her dearest friend, the Starfleet legendary captain and Federation war hero who defied death and earned her place among mytho-historical legends in the galaxy.</p><p> ****</p><p>Michael sat beside the captain reading aloud Lewis Carroll Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland from memory. Michael had told Philippa Lady Amanda used to read the book to her as a child and the captain later surprised her protégé by gifting her a paper copy of the book. Michael talked to Philippa constantly while she lay unresponsive in their hospital suite. She would read to her famous tales from Greek mythology and a variety of Earth classics, she would give her commentaries while watching romance holos that Philippa loved, she would tell the captain about the scientific theories and ideas that she have, gave her words of encouragement to get better and never stopped whispering words of endearment and letting Philippa know how much she was cherished and loved by all the lives she had touched. </p><p>“Danby came by this morning and left you a box of Rigelian chocolate from his parents. He said he decided to take the position at Starfleet Headquarters so that he can be close to home but I think it’s only half true. I suspect he did it because he doesn’t want to be too far from you. I think he has a crush on you. We gonna have to find him a girlfriend, a wife even. I would hate to fight him for you.” Michael chuckled at the thought.</p><p>She finished massaging Philippa’s left hand and was about to move to the other side of the biobed when she saw the last two fingers on the captain’s left hand twitched once, then twice. When Michael looked up, Philippa’s closed eyelids were fluttering. Michael had attuned herself to all of Philippa’s bio-function readings, she could pick up the slightest change in the captain’s condition even without some of the monitors. Involuntary twitching and eyelid movements were not unusual but Michael had memorized every twitch and every movement to recognize the differences. These were not involuntary.</p><p>****</p><p>Everything hurt. It wasn’t like sharp stabbing pain but more like deep throbbing ache. Philippa didn’t understand what was happening only that she was tired, so tired. She could not move or speak and she was too tired to open her eyes. She knew things but yet she didn’t remember anything. Something had happened, something bad. It hurt to think. She remembered pain, indescribable and agonizing pain. Did pain exist after death or maybe it did because she was in hell. </p><p>She heard that familiar soothing voice again and there was pressure on her hand. Philippa did not understand what the voice was talking about but she craved its company. It made her feel less alone. The voice stopped. She didn’t want the voice to go away and be left alone in her pain and darkness. She wanted the voice to come back, she had to do something.</p><p><em>“Philippa, can you hear me? It’s Michael. I’m here. I’m right here.”</em> The voice came back. <em>“Can you squeeze my hand if you can hear me?”</em></p><p>She didn’t know who was Philippa or Michael but she didn’t want the voice to go away again. She tried so hard to squeeze her hand but her body wouldn’t cooperate. She kept trying but she could not tell if it worked. She felt soft touches on her face so she tried to open her eyes instead.</p><p>To her surprise her eyes actually opened and she quickly regretted it. Light entered her vision and brought with it stabbing pain that could be felt to the back of her skull. She thought she saw someone, a blurry figure. Maybe it belonged to the soothing voice. She needed to know who the voice belonged to so she tried again. The light brought another wave of pain but it was less intense now. She still couldn’t make out the figure in front of her clearly and tried to hang on but her brain felt like it was on fire. The burning pain in her skull was spreading throughout her entire body. The pain intensified and was becoming unbearable. Philippa was too exhausted to fight it so she gave in to darkness once more.</p><p>****</p><p>“Philippa, can you hear me? It’s Michael. I’m here. I’m right here.” Michael spoke softly but clearly and held Philippa’s left hand gently. “Can you squeeze my hand if you can hear me?”</p><p>It wasn’t exactly a squeeze but Philippa’s fingers twitched in response and the joy Michael felt the first she witnessed a star went supernova was incomparable to what she felt now. She quickly pressed the call button to alert Dr Nambue.</p><p>“You’re doing so well. That’s it. Can you try to open your eyes?” Michael tenderly brushed Philippa’s cheek. Philippa still looked pale but not as ashen as before but her face was gaunt making her high cheekbone even more prominent.</p><p>Michael had not looked into those beautiful warm dark brown eyes for 21 weeks 2 days 11 hours and 6 minutes. Philippa’s eyes were unfocused and laced with pain. She closed her eyes again as soon as they opened as if the lights were hurting her. The doctors had already anticipated light sensitivity so the windows had been blacked out and the room light set at 65%. Philippa opened her eyes again and blinked a couple of times. It felt much longer but in reality it was only a few seconds, then she closed her eyes and drifted back into unconsciousness.     </p><p>Dr Nambue walked in to find Michael standing over Philippa with tears spilling down her face.  </p><p>“Michael, what happened?” Dr Nambue tried not to panic seeing Michael in distress. He had rushed to the suite as fast as he could when he got the alert.</p><p>“She woke up…for only a few seconds…she woke up.” Michael hitched and her voice cracked as relief and joy overwhelmed her. She let go of Philippa’s hand and let Dr Nambue fussed over the captain.</p><p>Michael regained her composure and tried again to give Dr Nambue an exact account of what transpired.</p><p>“You did really well, Michael. It’s not uncommon for coma patients to struggle with light intensity when they first woke up. Her vitals and neural readings look really promising. She may continue to drift in and out of consciousness a few more times before she fully wakes up. She will be very confused may even panic when she becomes more aware. She’s responding to your voice and that’s really good. So keep talking to her and keep her calm every time she tries to wake up.”</p><p>****</p><p>Philippa kept drifting in and out of consciousness for the next 24 hours. She could not stay awake for more than a few minutes and was too weak to speak but she would blink and squeeze Michael’s hand in response.</p><p>Philippa’s vision remained unfocused but she kept her gaze on the blurry figure in front of her. “Mi..” She struggled to form words, her brain felt scrambled and her throat constricted. She tried again. “Mi..chael..?” It came out barely a whisper.</p><p>“Yes, it’s me, Philippa. It’s Michael. I’m right here. You’re safe now.”  </p><p>Philippa felt Michael’s relief but she remained confused. She was fighting Chancellor L’Rell but could not recall why except that the Klingon leader wanted her dead. She was losing and everything hurt so badly. She could not remember how the fight ended but she knew she should be dead.</p><p>“Am..am..I..a..live..?” Philippa slurred, her voice hoarse and strained.</p><p>“Yes, t’hy’la. You’re alive. You’re most definitely alive. You’re badly hurt but you are going to be okay. You are in Starfleet Medical on Earth.”</p><p>“Hmm…tired...” Philippa closed her eyes again, she needed to rest her eyes and maybe her brain for a few minutes.</p><p>“Rest now. You can go back to sleep. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”</p><p>****</p><p>The next time Philippa woke up she was more lucid and the doctors were able to do a better assessment. Michael was disheartened when Dr Nambue informed her that the doctors wanted to start a cortical regeneration procedure on the captain as a treatment for neural pathways disruption. The treatment would take time and would put the captain back into a medically induced coma for seven days.</p><p>The first thing Philippa registered was Michael’s lovely voice. It was the same familiar soothing voice that had stayed with her through her pain and darkness; and whispered words of encouragement and endearment when she was alone in the void with her fear.</p><p>
  <em>“I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now…”  </em>
</p><p>“We will never be here again.” Philippa completed the verse from Homer’s Iliad Michael was reading.</p><p>Michael had missed Philippa’s rich voice, her distinct accent, her melodic laughter, the kindness and encouragement that was ever present in the captain’s tone, even her playful sarcasm. Her voice was weak and raspy but it had never sounded sweeter to Michael.</p><p>Philippa was awake and lucid and smiling at Michael the way only Philippa could. Both their eyes glistened with unshed tears. Philippa opened her arms and Michael fell into her embrace eagerly.</p><p>****</p><p>Twenty four weeks after she was admitted to Starfleet Medical Centre, the doctors were able to confidently say that the captain would require no more surgeries and medical procedures. However, she would need to continue treatments for her heart condition and nerve damages. The captain had a cardiopulmonary device implanted to help maintain her heartbeat, detects abnormal heart rhythms and monitor her pulmonary function. Philippa would continue to experience chronic pain from her injuries. She would eventually regain full mobility of her body but she would never regain back her previous agility and flexibility. The Klingon toxin was still in her system and Starfleet doctors could not prevent the accelerated deterioration of her human heart. Doctors refused to give an exact time frame, it could be a few months or a few years or more. They just did not know enough about Klingon toxin and the captain had defied death more than once before.</p><p>Michael could not even be upset when she found out and that Philippa had hid the severity of her heart condition from her. So much had happened since Philippa’s first brush with death in what felt like so long ago, 377 days 11 hours and 20 minutes to be precise.   </p><p>Homer was right, the universe did envy them because they were mortals. Aging was mankind purest evolution and mortality its greatest achievement.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Promotion and Retirement</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Philippa took her injuries like a decorated war hero, she never complained, lamented or blamed the universe for her fate but the physiological stress and psychological trauma did not go unnoticed by Michael. On good days, the chronic pain would feel like dull throbbing. On bad days, it could ramp up from sharp stabbing pain all the way to crippling, blinding agony. The strong painkillers needed to help the captain deal with these episodes would often induce some of her worst nightmares. Rehabilitation was painstakingly slow. Philippa was easily exhausted and could take no more than a dozen steps without panting from the exertion. As her recovery progressed, Philippa retreated further into herself to a place Michael could not follow.</p><p>The Federation hailed the captain as one of the greatest war strategist in Starfleet history and yet the best strategy Philippa could came up with was to sacrifice her crew, used the woman she loved in a near genocide attack and ended nearly 300,000 Federation and Klingon lives in a single day. Philippa could not even die a warrior’s death. She should have died when she was stabbed with the kut’luch, she should have died aboard the USS Shenzhou and she definitely should have died by L’Rell’s hand in her trial by combat in Yorktown.</p><p>****</p><p>“I don’t know what to do, Kat. She’s slipping away from me. Her nightmares are getting worse, she’s not eating and she’s constantly in pain. She tries so hard to be strong and to conceal her struggles.” Michael had been miserable in her helplessness to offer Philippa the comfort and support she needed.</p><p>“Michael, I know how disheartening this past few months has been for you as well. You’ve tried your best to there for her and to be supportive. Maybe you need to take a step back and give her some time and space to deal with this on her own.”</p><p>“No, Kat. How can you even suggest that? How can I possibly leave her like this right now? No one should face what she’s going through alone.”</p><p>“Michael, I’m saying this from my experience as a therapist and from knowing her for over thirty years. You know how proud she is. She’s not accustomed to being weak and a burden.”</p><p>“She’s not a burden, she’s my blessing and she knows this.”</p><p>“Ask yourself this, Michael. What would truly make her happy now? Right this moment, what can make her happy?”</p><p>“Knowing that I’m happy and that I’m doing what makes me happy the most would make her happy right now.”</p><p>“And I know staying by her side is what makes you happy the most but she cannot see that right now, not through her pain and nightmares. I have a suggestion and I want you to take some time to consider it before you decide.”    </p><p>Katrina had come to regard Michael as a friend and it saddened her that she had to manipulate their friendship. Katrina agreed not just because Philippa had begged her but because they were both suffocating and sinking into obscure depression. Philippa and Michael were very much alike in so many ways. Both were incredibly headstrong, they focused more on others rather than themselves, had an unhealthy habit of suppressing their emotions instead of dealing with them and thought they had to bear the weight of the universe on their shoulders. Katrina was worried that when either of them did snap, the eruption of ugly hurtful emotions could inexorably fracture their bond and haunt them indelibly.</p><p>Katrina Cornwell was the only one who knew Philippa’s darkest secret and deepest regret. The truth was Philippa had always believed she should have been the one who died instead of Aoife. Aoife went in her place to the disputed space region in the Archanis sector during the Federation-Klingon Cold War because Philippa wanted to stay back on Earth to plan their wedding. A choice she vowed never to make again, choosing love above duty.</p><p>Philippa never forgave herself for Aoife’s death so she stopped allowing herself to love again. She believed she did not deserve love until Michael came along and found a way through the fortress around her heart. Philippa would not be able to forgive herself if she lost control and let her frustration out on Michael so she retreated into herself instead. Katrina had to believe that two people who loved each other as much as they did would eventually find their way back to each other.     </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>****Flashback****</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“This is not the life I want for her, Kat.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What about what she wants, Pippa. She’s not here out of obligation, she’s here because there’s nowhere else she would rather be. She’s here because she loves you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Well I don’t want her here.” Philipp snapped. She sighed and continued desolately. “I’m sorry. I’m begging you, Kat. Please help me get her out of here, get her to move on and live her life. I cannot live with myself knowing that I destroyed her life too. She deserves so much more than what I can give her. She deserves happiness and love and everything good the universe has to offer. Please, Kat. I cannot bear any more ghosts. Please help me.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Philippa was not one to beg so Katrina yielded. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>****</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Gabriel Lorca would be promoted to a vice admiral and would take command of the USS Defiant. Starfleet would promote Michael Burnham to captain and she would be given captaincy on the USS Discovery.</p><p>“Michael, I’m so proud of you and I’m really happy for you. You deserve the USS Discovery, Captain Burnham. You’re a scientist and an explorer at heart, the Discovery is perfect.” Philippa was genuinely beaming with pride and joy.</p><p>Michael had not seen Philippa this lively in a long while. It reminded her of their days back on the USS Shenzhou before the war. Katrina had been right to suggest this even if it wasn’t what Michael wanted but seeing Philippa in such a good mood was worthwhile. Michael promised herself once that she would do anything for Philippa including letting her go because Philippa’s happiness meant everything to Michael. Making promises was a dangerous thing to do because sometimes the universe would make you to keep them and other times it could force you to break them.</p><p>“Would you come to my promotion ceremony?” Michael asked hesitantly.</p><p>“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Michael.”</p><p>“The ceremony will be in five days and after that I have two weeks before the Discovery departs for my first mission as captain. We’ve talked about moving you to a healing centre, I would like to do that with you before I leave if that is still what you want to do.”</p><p>“I would like that very much, Michael. I like the place we looked at last week, the one in Nepal.”</p><p>“I like that place too. I’ll make the arrangement and we can go as soon as the ceremony is over.”</p><p>Then Philippa did something unexpected. She got up from the sofa, took Michael’s hand and led them over to Michael’s bed. Michael did not want to be presumptuous so she didn’t make a move.</p><p>“I don’t want to sleep alone tonight, Michael. Is it okay if I share your bed?” Philippa asked quietly. Michael nodded in delight.   </p><p>Philippa laid her head on Michael’s chest and Michael would stroke her back gently and kissed her hair occasionally like they did the last time they shared a bed on Earth before Yorktown.</p><p>“I never thanked you properly for staying with me all these months. When I was in a coma, I could always hear this voice. I didn’t know who it belonged to except that it was comforting and it made me feel safe. It helped me through my darkness and pain, and it brought me back. Thank you for being here for me, Michael. Thank you for loving me.”</p><p>“I am where I want to be, Philippa. Thank you for coming back to me. Thank you keeping your promise to me. Sleep now. You’re safe and I’ll be right here when you wake up.”</p><p>And the spirits of the dead did not come that night.  </p><p>****</p><p>Katrina Cornwell walked into a heart melting scene in the hospital suite. Michael was propped on one elbow, watching Philippa sleep. Her hand gently traced the captain’s face, down her neck and settled on her chest where her precious heart laid beneath. Michael was startled when she saw Katrina and that quickly turned into embarrassment at having her intimate display caught by the admiral.</p><p>“Someone should learn how to knock.” Philippa mumbled sleepily without opening her eyes.</p><p>“Someone should get a room.”</p><p>“This is a room.”</p><p>“Technically, it’s a hospital ward.”</p><p>“Still a room.”</p><p>Philippa squinted at her dear friend and waved her over to the bed. She wriggled closer to Michael and made room for Katrina. They had not done this in ages. Katrina removed her boots and climbed into bed next to Philippa and placed a kiss on her forehead.</p><p>“I have no duty, I don’t want to get up.” Philippa whined, refusing to open her eyes and pretended to be asleep. Michael and Katrina laughed adoringly at the woman sandwiched between them. They all wished this rare moment would last but the fundamental essence of the universe was impermanence and the fragile illusion they each constructed was about to shatter dramatically.  </p><p>****</p><p>One by one the Starfleet officers assembled inside Starfleet Headquarters ceremonial hall stood and took a parade rest stance as Dr Anton Nambue wheeled in the legendary Starfleet captain and Federation war hero. It was the first time the injured captain had left Starfleet Medical and needed the aide of wheelchair because she could only stand or walk for a very brief period without being overwhelmed by soreness and exhaustion. Michael Burnham was on the stage with Katrina Cornwell, Gabriel Lorca and a number of other Starfleet officers.</p><p>Starfleet chief of staff  presented the Admiral badge to Vice Admiral Katrina Cornwell and Captain Gabriel Lorca received his Vice Admiral badge. Michael Burnham was the last recipient and when her name was called, Dr Nambue helped the captain onto the stage.</p><p>“I’m alright on my own now, Anton. I can manage with the cane. Thank you.” Philippa assured Dr Nambue politely when they got to the podium.</p><p>Everyone in the hall could not help but stood in reverence of the captain’s strength and perseverance. Admiral Cornwell had proposed to Starfleet Command that the honour to present Michael Burnham her captain badge should be given to her former captain. Starfleet Command gladly obliged. Recruitment rate for Starfleet Academy had never been higher and the captain’s first official appearance since the war ended would be invaluable in boosting moral and sending a message of hope across the Federation.      </p><p>Commander Michael Burnham stood with her back straight, head high, her hands clasped loosely behind and her heart racing at a million beats per second. Philippa looked stunning and regal. She wore a dress uniform with numerous decorations the captain had earned during her thirty-four years career in Starfleet on her left chest over her recovering injuries and she leaned heavily on the cane in her right hand. Philippa could literally feel her heart swelling with pride and it had never felt stronger. The two heroes faced each other oblivious to their audience. Philippa pinned the captain badge on Michael and ran her fingers over the four pips signifying the rank of a captain.</p><p>“Congratulations, Captain Michael Burnham.” Philippa congratulated her former first officer and protégé, her voice thick with heartfelt sentiments and her hand remained on the badge over Michael’s chest.</p><p>“I’m going to kiss you now, Captain Philippa Georgiou.” Michael whispered lowly and boldly. Philippa’s glistering eyes were warm and encouraging, so Michael took a small step closing the gap between them and leaned in for an open mouth kiss heedless of their gawking audience. The hall erupted in cheers and whistles, even some audible sobs. Keyla, Jira and Tilly cried openly, even Danby could not stop his tears. Gen and Ellen high-fived, Saru and Anton shared an approving look, Paul kissed Hugh and Ambassador Sarek frowned. Admiral Cornwell swore she heard Starfleet chief of staff himself muttered, “About damn time.”</p><p>****</p><p>The healing centre in Nepal proved to be the right move towards Philippa’s recovery. The ancient healing practices helped the captain managed her chronic pain without relying solely on intravenous drugs, significantly improved her mobility and most importantly it started healing her mind and lifted her spirit. Philippa had spent so much time in space she almost forgotten what it felt to be close to Earth’s nature.</p><p>Philippa still had not mourned the loss of her crew or talked about the war decisions she made or her fight with L’Rell and her near death experience. Michael was terrified that when the time came, Philippa would not be able to cope with the torrent of negative emotions that ensued. Guilt, grief, regret, self-loathing, any one of these emotions could quickly spiral out of control and hamper her recovery. Yet Michael could not summon enough courage to confront Philippa. The captain had been in a good mood, cheerful even ever since the news of her promotion. Though something tugged at her conscience, Michael was naive and hopelessly in love so she clung on to the delusion Philippa created.</p><p>****</p><p>It was her last night on Earth before Michael would leave for her first voyage as captain of the USS Discovery.</p><p>“I know you worry about me but I’ve been recovering well. This place helps. I promise I will be fine. I want you to go and explore the universe and bring me back tales of your adventures.”</p><p>“Will you keep me updated on your progress?”</p><p>“I will and if I don’t, I’m pretty sure Kat will. I don’t think there’s a doctor in Starfleet who’s not her spy.”</p><p>“Discovery is headed towards the edge of Federation space and it may not be possible for us to speak in real-time after a while even through subspace communication. I will message as often as I could, will you message me back?”</p><p>“Of course, Michael. You must know I will miss you but I am also excited for you. I shall look forward to your messages.”</p><p>“Philippa?”</p><p>“Yes, Michael?”</p><p>“What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?”</p><p>“What are you up to, Michael? Why are you quoting romance holo?”</p><p>“Indulge me?”</p><p>“Okay, it never happens. If there's a thing that can't be stopped, it's not possible for there to be something else which can't be moved, and vice versa. They can't both exist.”</p><p>“If they can’t both exist then it’s possible for one to exist. What we have, our bond, it is an unstoppable force and by your own admission there cannot exists an immovable object in our path. This journey is part of my quest. Will you keep my home safe until I return?”</p><p>“Oh Michael, I promise I will try my best. I love you, Michael. So much.”</p><p>“Will you remember me when the pain gets bad and when the night haunts you?”</p><p>“I won’t remember anything else.”</p><p>“I don’t want you to go through any of it alone. I want you let me be there with you because that’s where I want to be the most.”</p><p>“No matter where you are, you will always be with me, Michael.”</p><p>“I love you, Philippa. In every universe I love you. You are my universal constant.”</p><p>They lay awake caressing each other between kisses, both wanted more but neither dared and Philippa was too weak to handle any strenuous activity. Philippa eventually gave in to fatigue and drifted into an uneasy sleep. Michael stayed awake and whispered words of endearment to comfort the captain as she did when Philippa went through the worst stage of her recovery. Michael had waited every day for Philippa to ask her not to go, to ask her to stay by Philippa’s side. She knew it was foolish and illogical because Philippa would never ask but still Michael hoped and willingly set herself up for disappointment.   </p><p>Michael would forgive Philippa for everything and anything. She wished there was a way she could let Philippa know how precious she was to Michael but there was no comprehensible logic to her feelings and no scientific measurements for her love. There were no algorithms and simulations that could help her solve the situation they were in.</p><p>The Klingons had a practice, they would ask their prisoners to choose their pain. Michael thought she had to choose the pain of being separated from Philippa in order for Philippa to heal from hers.</p><p> </p><p>****Aboard the USS Discovery****</p><p>Nine months after the Federation-Klingon war ended, Captain Michael Burnham sat in the captain’s chair on the bridge of the USS Discovery. She was content on the Discovery and she had an amazingly crew. The addition of her former crewmates from the USS Shenzhou to the Discovery gave Michael the semblance of home the Shenzhou once was. Commander Saru was her first officer and Commander Ellen Landry her second officer. Lieutenant Keyla Detmer was at the helm, Lieutenant Gen Rhys and Ensign Jira Narwani on the tactical stations.</p><p>Alone in her ready room the newly promoted captain was often overcame with acute nostalgia for her days on the USS Shenzhou as a first officer serving under her beloved captain and mentor. Michael made every effort to call Philippa at 2000 hours Earth time daily until the Discovery was too far for the subspace relay network to handle real-time communication. She sent Philippa subspace messages frequently, updating her on Discovery’s journey as promised and sending her holos of new celestial bodies and surface missions. Philippa’s messages were infrequent and irregular.</p><p>Michael counted every minute and every second she was away from Philippa. There was a constant ache in her chest since she left the recovering captain at the healing centre. Michael thought about the chronic pain Philippa had to deal with every day since she woke up from her coma. Michael would willingly take Philippa’s pain if she could. She missed Philippa more than ever, she could feel the distance growing between them as Discovery travelled further away from the Sol system. When they were physically apart during the war, there were never any distance between them in mind and soul. But now in her deepest meditation state, Michael could only feel faint echoes of her bond with Philippa.  </p><p>****</p><p> </p><p>Philippa struggled to cope without Michael. Michael had been her rock, the one universal constant she could always rely one. It was Michael who made everything bearable with her presence, her velvety voice, her words of endearment and her ever gentle kisses and touches. The first month went by quickly. Recovery was frustrating and progress was less than desirable but Michael had call every night and Philippa soldiered on. The second month the call stopped because the Discovery was too far out in space but Michael would send her messages frequently. Philippa had never missed anyone as much as she missed Michael. She felt desolate and bereft without Michael and slowly began to lose hope. The anniversary of the Battle of Yorktown was coming up and her nightmares had returned with a vengeance. The psychological trauma started to take a toll on her health and impeded her recovery. By the third month since Michael left, Philippa’s recovery took a turn for the worse.</p><p>Despite her declining health, Philippa insisted on leaving the healing centre and went back to Starfleet Headquarters to pay her respects to the crew she lost and all those who sacrificed their lives at the Battle of Yorktown. It had been a year since that fateful day and it was about time Philippa faced judgment for her decisions during the war. Danby Connor met his former captain at Starfleet Headquarters shuttle platform. He was shocked when he saw his godmother. He took in her gaunt features and her unsteady gait. Danby thought Michael would weep if she could see Philippa now.</p><p>Danby stood close but gave Philippa privacy as she traced the name of the 129 deceased crew members of the USS Shenzhou etched on the memorial wall. With every name, her chest tightened and her mind retreated further into a dark and cold void. She ran her fingers over one name repeatedly, Lieutenant Kamran Gant. Philippa closed her eyes and was taken back to her years aboard the USS Shenzhou. She tried to remember every one of their faces and recalled every memory she had of their encounters but it was her last memories of Kamran that overpowered her. She started to dry-heave, her chest constricted painfully and tremors wracked her body as she slumped to her knees. Danby rushed forward to support the captain as she rocked back and forth on her knees, her soul wept silently for all the lives lost. The brutal anguish and wretched sorrow of tearless sob finally broke her spirit.     </p><p>Philippa woke up in Starfleet Medical after she suffered a ventricular tachycardia that had stopped her heart. Alive only because of the defibrillation shock delivered by her cardiac implant had prevented her sudden death. Part of Philippa regretted she had let Dr Nambue coaxed her into having the implant. There was an Earth saying <em>“Dying is easy, living is hard.”</em> Ironically Philippa found dying to be equally as hard, maybe because living was her punishment and her penance.  </p><p>Her career was more than over. Even without her injuries, Philippa had planned to retire after the war but she had hoped after dedicating her entire life to Starfleet, she would leave a better legacy behind. Not the one the Federation painted her to be but one that she could truly be proud of. A part of Philippa had held on to the hope that she could atone for her past mistakes, and that the universe would find her deserving someday. Philippa gave up the last flicker of hope and resigned to her fate.  </p><p>****</p><p>Katrina Cornwell took an emergency shuttle back to Earth and arrived three days after she received the news from Starfleet Medical. Marcus and Deborah Connor were talking with the doctors in the corridor outside Philippa’s room.</p><p>“How is she, Marcus?”</p><p>“She’s…I’ve never seen her like this before, Kat. Not even after Aoife. There is nothing much the doctors can do for her but they want to keep her for a few more days for observation. Deborah and I want to take her home with us when she’s discharged. We have plenty of cottages and rooms at the estate and I can hire full time nurse and physiotherapist for her. Deborah is at home most of the time and Danby comes home often.”</p><p>“Thank you for doing this, Marcus. I’ll make sure Starfleet takes care of all her medical needs.”</p><p>“She’s family, Kat and I owe her my life, literally. This is the least I can do for her.”</p><p>“Have you told her about your plans?”</p><p>“To be honest, I don’t think she cares what happens to her right now. She’s grieving and despondent. She barely acknowledges us. She asked Danby to make sure no one tells Michael what has happened.”</p><p>“I’ll talk to her and convince her to stay with you.”</p><p>Philippa had not been sleeping or eating so doctors had to give her intravenous fluid to keep her hydrated and sedatives to help her sleep. Katrina remained by Philippa’s side during her hospital stay and managed to coax Philippa into agreeing to stay with the Connor. The Connor arranged for one their cottages to be set up so Philippa could have her privacy and all the necessities to live independently. Katrina took care of all the medical arrangements.</p><p>“I’ve submitted a request for medical retirement. Don’t tell Mic…” Her voice quavered as if she could not bring herself to say Michael’s name. Philippa took a few deep breath and continued bleakly, “Don’t tell her where I am. Can you make sure she gets this?”</p><p>Katrina took the small case from Philippa’s unsteady hand. She held the captain’s bony hands and promised her she would make sure Michael received the case and she would watch over Michael. Philippa bobbed her head and was suddenly besieged by memories of Michael. Philippa could see her face, hear her voice and feel her touches but no matter how hard she tried she could not hold on to any of them. The walls of the dam crumbled at long last and her suppressed emotions burst forth in a flood of uncontrollable tears. Katrina held the captain as the sound of hideous gut-wrenching sobs tore through her chest. Philippa cried selfishly, shamelessly and unapologetically for herself, for Michael, for all that was lost and everything in between.</p><p>Philippa was a fool to think that she deserved love, especially from someone as extraordinary as Michael Burnham. Philippa did not deserve Michael. Michael belonged to the stars. Michael whose brilliance challenged the laws of the universe, whose love was unconditional and whose infinite compassion put Philippa to shame.</p><p> </p><p>****Aboard the USS Discovery****</p><p>Michael received news of Philippa’s medical retirement from Starfleet bulletin. The captain’s retirement in itself was not a surprise but to find out from Starfleet bulletin had hurt. Michael had been tormented by doubts over her decision to leave Philippa since they lost real-time communication. The latest report she received from the healing centre was disconcerting. Apparently, Philippa’s condition had taken a turn for the worse and she had left the healing centre. Michael was very aware of the day Philippa left. It was on the anniversary of the Battle of Yorktown, one year after the Federation-Klingon war ended, 365 days since the horrid injuries that almost ended her life and had left her in a debilitated and infirm state. She tried reaching out through Katrina but the admiral was vague with her news about the retired captain. Even Danby seemed to be avoiding her messages. Katrina had asked Michael to be patient and that she was on her way to Starbase 46 near Organia to meet with the Discovery.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>****Flashback two weeks ago****</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Michael had been feeling melancholy and nostalgic the whole week and something was making her particularly angsty today. She had not received any messages back from Philippa in 14 days 3 hours and 24 minutes.     </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The morning bridge crew gathered in the mess hall for dinner after their shift and Michael sat with her usual dining companions, Saru, Keyla, Jira and Tilly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After Michael departed for her initial assignment on the Discovery, Saru had not seen her until they were outside the infirmary at Yorktown Headquarters when the doctors were trying desperately to save their former captain’s life. Michael had been as effective and efficient as ever in her role as captain, her professional countenance and her composure appropriately measured. For those who knew the Michael Burnham from her days on the USS Shenzhou could see that her smile no longer reached her eyes, faint worry lines marked her otherwise youthful and smooth features and there was visible tension in her posture.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I can’t help but noticed that something has been bothering you the whole day, captain?” Saru asked cautiously.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Today is the anniversary of the Battle of Yorktown. I can’t help but worry about Philippa.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Captain, we lost a lot of close friends and colleagues that day but you must know that none of us blame her for what happened to the Shenzhou. She gave everyone an opportunity to leave. Those of us who stayed, we chose to. She got us to Yorktown, she kept as many of us alive as possible and she ended the war. No one could ask more of her.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I know, Saru. I appreciate your sentiment but you know her as well as I do. Even if she could accept that the lives we lost to the war were not on her, there is no convincing her otherwise when it comes to the lives of her crew.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“How can we help, Michael?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t know, Saru. I can’t quell this fear that something bad is going to happen to her and I can’t tell whether it’s just my overbearing concern or my guilt for leaving her. I’m terrified I’m going to lose her one way or another.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Keyla, Jira and Tilly tried their best to comfort their captain and friend but nothing seemed to be able to take her mind off Philippa.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That night Michael had woken up in her quarters with excruciating chest pain until she ended up in sickbay but Dr Culber found no physical or physiological cause to her sudden attack. It was as if Michael had suffered a phantom heart attack. Dr Culber had wanted to keep the captain under observation but Michael insisted it was not necessary. It was utterly irrational and unscientific but Michael knew irrefutably what she experienced was the echo of Philippa’s pain. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Philippa was in great distress and Michael needed to be with her not out here hundreds of light-years away in space. Of all the bad decisions she had made, leaving Philippa was the worst. Michael should have never left. The Discovery was delivering urgent supplies to a number of remote outposts at the edge of Federation space along the Federation-Klingon border in the Beta Quadrant. Michael would complete this mission and she would return home to Philippa where she belonged.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>****End flashback****</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“How are you holding up, Michael?”</p><p>“I’m doing fine, Kat. You don’t have to worry about me. I need you to be honest with me about Philippa. She hasn’t answered any of my messages for over a month, I’m worried sick.”</p><p>“She struggled towards the last month before the anniversary of the Battle of Yorktown and it affected her health badly. She insisted on going to Starfleet Headquarters to pay her respects. I was off-world so Danby accompanied her. She broke down in front of the memorial wall and suffered a sudden cardiac arrest but the implant saved her life.”</p><p>“Why wasn’t I informed?”</p><p>“She didn’t want you to know.”</p><p>“I should have been there with her. I know she left the healing centre, where is she now?”</p><p>“The incident broke her, Michael. I cannot tell you where she is. She’s in a really delicate state right now and I cannot break her trust. I’m really sorry. But I can promise you someone is taking care of her.”</p><p>“I should have never left her. How could I be so stupid and naïve? I know she asked you not to tell me where she is but I need to know. She needs me, Kat. I can literally feel her pain.”</p><p>“I’m at a lost, Michael. I’m trying to do what she asked and hopefully what’s best for her.”</p><p>“Being separated from me is not what’s best for her or for me.”</p><p>“I came because she asked to make sure you get this. Don’t rush into any decision until you hear what she has to say. I will try my best to talk to her but I cannot rush it. Her body is too weak to handle another trigger. She needs to recover first. I’m really sorry, Michael.”</p><p>“I can help her heal, Kat. I know I can.”</p><p>“I have to go, Michael. Just listen to her message, please. I promise we will find a way when you return to Earth after your mission.”</p><p>“I know it’s not your fault, Kat. Thank you. I’m glad she has you.”</p><p>****</p><p>It had been two weeks since Katrina left her the case. Michael stared at the case on her desk in the ready room everyday as if it was Pandora’s box. She could ignore whatever was in the case and head back to Earth to find Philippa regardless of what Philippa had to say because that was what Michael really wanted to do. Discovery had only two more stops to make before they would complete their mission. Being captain meant she had to make responsible choices. She could not jeopardize the needs of the people at these outposts or abandon her crew for personal reasons. Philippa would be sorely disappointed in her if she did. The last time Michael had focused on her fear, she had unknowingly hurt Philippa. Though forgiven by Philippa, it was never forgotten by Michael. She did not have to agree with whatever Philippa had to say but Philippa deserved to be heard. Michael had always promised she would do what was best for Philippa but it was proving to be a monumental challenge to ascertain what that was.</p><p>Opening the case took more courage than going into battle, the outcome potentially worse than death. Inside the case was a holo recording and Philippa’s captain badge. A memory from the mycelial network flashed across her mind as Michael activated the holo recording. Philippa looked ashen and gaunt even in the hologram and her voice breathy and tremulous.              </p><p>
  <em>“My dearest Michael,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There will never be enough words to express how special you are to me. The universe has not always been kind but I cannot complaint because it gave me you. Some of us are lucky to find our soulmate but that doesn’t mean we always get to spend the rest of our lives with them. I don’t want you to love me unconditionally. You don’t deserve broken promises and don’t you dare allow yourself to be treated less than you deserve. Don’t let my flaws hurt you or diminish who you are. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I have nothing to offer you, Michael except the memories of our years on the Shenzhou. Maybe that’s why I wanted you to have my badge. I hope you can always look back at our time together with the same immense joy I do and that it will give you the strength and hope to face whatever challenges await you. You are a beautiful soul, Michael. Don’t let anything or anyone take that from you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Forgive me for being a coward. This is the only way I can say goodbye. Thank you for everything that you are and always will be to me and I love you, Michael. Please don’t look for me. Some goodbyes are not the end but the start of new beginnings. You deserve everything good in the universe, Michael.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Take good care and live a beautiful and fulfilling life.”</em>
</p><p>Captain Michael Burnham stood in the Discovery captain’s ready room gazing sadly out of the viewport, silent tears flowing down both cheeks and she held in her hand Philippa’s captain badge.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Mirror Universe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A loud rumble reverberated through the ship and a burst of blinding light flashed outside the viewport. Captain Michael Burnham rushed out of her ready room onto the Discovery bridge.</p>
<p>“Commander Saru, report.”</p>
<p>When Commander Saru did not reply immediately, Michael tried again. “Number One, are we under attack? Did we hit something?”</p>
<p>“Captain, I’m not sure. Our sensors are…uh recalibrating.”</p>
<p>“Can anyone give me anything at all? Commander Landry? Lieutenant Airiam?”</p>
<p>“Captain, this is uh…Ensign Tilly from the engineering lab? We have a minor incident in the lab, really minor really! We kind of accidentally activated the spore drive and I think we jumped to…actually we have no idea where we jumped to but Lieutenant Stamets and I going to correct that immediately and get us back to Starbase 46.”</p>
<p>“A minor incident? Do not, I repeat do not do anything without my authorization and wait for me in the engineering lab.” Michael loved her brilliant engineering and science team but she could kill those two sometimes.</p>
<p>“Commander Saru, report.”</p>
<p>“Captain, our navigational array appears to be malfunctioning. According to these readings, we did not jump. We are in the same exact coordinates, our position relative to the galactic centre is confirmed. But almost nothing else is where it's supposed to be. None of the Federation starbases, subspace relay stations or outposts appeared to exist.”</p>
<p>Michael immediately thought about what she had experienced in the mycelial network. The idea of parallel worlds had been around since the 20th century. She had always suspected the mycelial network extended beyond the universe they knew. A vast system underpinning all quantum realities.</p>
<p>“Commander Saru, scan for quantum anomaly?”</p>
<p>“I may have something, Captain. The quantum signature of the space around us is inconsistent with ours. That’s not possible. All matter native to our universe resonates with the same quantum signature, nothing can change it.”</p>
<p>“That is true unless this is not our universe.”</p>
<p>“Commander Saru, find us a nebula or an asteroid field. Get us out of open space until we can figure out what really happened and where or when we are. Lieutenant Airiam, recalibrate all the sensors. I need to get to the engineering lab. The conn is yours, Number One.”</p>
<p>****</p>
<p>“The orders are clear. Discovery spore drive is not to be used except for emergency rescue and catastrophic events. So please do explain to me exactly what the two of you did?”</p>
<p>“Technically we did not activate the spore drive, it activated itself.”</p>
<p>“What cause it to activate itself?”</p>
<p>“Ensign Tilly and I have been trying to find a way around the limitations of the non-human interface and we thought maybe we could try an organic approach because both you and the tardigrade were organic based interface. So we came up with an experimental hybrid organic-electronic interface.</p>
<p>The idea is to create a kind of organic computer that can think in very similar ways to living organisms using the inherent ability of organic neural systems to correlate chaotic patterns so they could effectively operate by making decision to complex questions rather than simply working through all possible calculations.”</p>
<p>“I’m actually very impressed but it still doesn’t answer why the spore drive was activated and where did we jump to.”</p>
<p>“Well, that’s the complicated part. We actually don’t know why. The instant it was connected to the spore drive navigation system, it came alive on its own. I don’t necessarily think it activated the spore drive as oppose to the mycelium chamber activate it and brought it alive.”</p>
<p>“What is it doing now?”</p>
<p>“The spore drive went offline right after we jumped. We’ve disconnected it and removed it from the mycelium chamber.”</p>
<p>“The quantum signature of the space around us suggested that we might be in a parallel universe.”</p>
<p>“Proof of multiverse. This is extraordinary.”</p>
<p>“Not if we don’t find a way to back to our own universe.”</p>
<p>“Captain to the bridge. We have an incoming vessel, Sir.” Lieutenant Bryce announced over the ship’s intercom.</p>
<p>“Whatever you do, keep that hybrid organic interface away from the mycelium chamber and do not do anything or conduct any more experiments without my prior approval. Get our spore drive back online and find a way to get us home.”</p>
<p>****</p>
<p>“We’re being hailed, Sir. They’re asking to speak with the captain.”</p>
<p>“What do we know about the vessel, Commander Saru?”</p>
<p>“The quantum signature suggests it’s from this universe. The bio-signature scans showed at least 50 lives on board, mainly humans but there are also Vulcans, Andorians, Tellarites, Cardassians and even Klingons. It’s…the Shenzhou, Captain.”</p>
<p>“They are hailing us again, Sir. It’s audio only.”</p>
<p>“Captain, should I raise shields?” Commander Landry interjected.</p>
<p>“No. Not yet. Lieutenant Bryce, open a channel.”</p>
<p>“This is General Philippa Georgiou of the Alliance Space Ship Shenzhou. Please identify yourself.”</p>
<p>The colour drained from Michael’s face at the sound of the unmistakable voice she would recognize anywhere.</p>
<p>“This is Captain Michael Burnham of the United Space Ship Discovery. We appear to be lost and are in need of assistance. We mean you no harm.” Michael responded with authority but tactfully.</p>
<p>It would seem they were in a mirror universe where the same species, starships and people existed except they had a different narrative. Michael had a million thoughts flashed through her minds and a flurry of disarrayed emotions at the prospect of coming face to face with a different version of Philippa in a mirror universe. They were in a different universe and somehow the first voice she heard, the first person they made contact with was Philippa. This was by far the most compelling argument and scientific proof of the existence of destiny and soulmates.   </p>
<p>****</p>
<p>“Captain, are you sure about this?” Saru cautioned his captain and friend.</p>
<p>“I know what I’m doing, Saru. I believe her when she said they are not hostile and we need help to understand and navigate this universe. I am aware she’s not our Philippa, you need to trust me on this.”</p>
<p>It was true that Michael could not always be objective or impartial when it came to Philippa even if this was not her Philippa. Michael had keen intuitions and instincts but it was the mycelial network that had revealed her destiny would be intertwined with this mirror Philippa.</p>
<p>Captain Michael Burnham, Commander Ellen Landry and Commander Nhan stepped onto the transporter pads and were beamed aboard the ASS Shenzhou.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>****Aboard the ASS Shenzhou****</p>
<p>Upon materializing aboard the ASS Shenzhou transporter room, the three crew of the Discovery found themselves surrounded by a dozen alliance guards with phasers pointing in their direction. Michael thought how she could have been so wrong until General Philippa Georgiou entered and ordered the guards to lower their weapons. The general was accompanied by mirror Danby Connor and Kamran Gant, neither could not mask their obvious shock at seeing Michael and immediately raised their phasers at her. Mirror Philippa remained impassive and unreadable.</p>
<p>“Who are you? Why do you claim to be Michael Burnham?” mirror Danby demanded.</p>
<p>Michael raised her hands in a surrender gesture and prompted her commanders to do the same.</p>
<p>“I am Michael Burnham but I am not your Michael Burnham. We are from another universe. You can scan my badge or my ship, the metal contains the quantum variance from my universe. There’s absolutely no way to fake it. Your scientists and engineers can confirm this.”  </p>
<p>Philippa asked Kamran to take Michael’s badge to the science lab and instructed her engineers to scan the USS Discovery’s quantum signature. Danby seemed to remain unconvinced and kept his phaser raised.</p>
<p>“Lower your phaser, Danby.”</p>
<p>“Philippa, you can’t trust her. This is not possible.” Danby argued.</p>
<p>“Danby, I will not tell you again. You either lower your phaser or leave this room.” The general admonished her young comrade.</p>
<p>Danby lowered his phaser grudgingly and glowered at Michael. Kamran came back and reported what Michael claimed to be true.</p>
<p>“Bring them to my ready room and have Sarek and Jett meet us there.”</p>
<p>****</p>
<p>“Colonel Jett Reno is my right hand and Master Sarek is a powerful telepath. Would you agree to a Vulcan mind meld? If you truly come in peace, Sarek will find it in your heart.” Philippa asked but there was never really an option.</p>
<p>“My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts.” Sarek placed his fingertips on the key points on Michael’s head. He seemed perplexed. “How can it be?”</p>
<p>“Sarek, what do you see?”</p>
<p>Sarek chose his words carefully. “I see a world bursting with potential and a child molded by wisdom and a seemingly impossible depth of human compassion. She means us no harm.”</p>
<p>Sarek deemed it irrelevant to reveal Michael’s feelings towards Philippa. Those were her private thoughts but their bond it seemed was strong enough to cross between two universes.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Sarek. Leave us, I need a private moment with Michael.”</p>
<p>“Philippa, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t want you alone with her.” Danby protested with open hostility. Michael was beginning to wonder about Danby’s relationship with her mirror self.</p>
<p>“It’s okay, Danby. I will be alright. Go.” Philippa placated him gently and patiently. Maybe Michael should be wondering about Danby’s relationship with this mirror Philippa. He seemed overly protective of the general and clearly unnerved by Michael’s presence on the ship. Michael could not help the sudden jealousy that arose that any version of Philippa could be with anyone else.</p>
<p>“Sit, Michael. There is much we need to discuss.”</p>
<p>“May I ask where is my mirror counterpart or what happened to her?” Michael decided to go with the question that had been in the forefront of her mind since their encounter in the transporter room.</p>
<p>Left alone with Michael, Philippa’s inscrutable countenance gave way at the question. She closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands trying to control her grief even after a year as the memories of Michael flooded her. This mirror Philippa wore her heart on her sleeve and Michael was struck by the transparency of her sorrow. She wanted to reached out and comfort this Philippa the same way she would comfort hers.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry if I shouldn’t have asked. You don’t need to answer me.”</p>
<p>Philippa wiped away her tears and took a few minutes to find her voice. This was not her Michael but she had the same tenderness and empathy that Philippa loved so much in her Michael.</p>
<p>“It’s okay. I want you to tell you. Michael…my Michael passed away over a year ago when the Romulan Star Empire attacked our rebel base on Vulcan.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Philippa. She meant a lot to you.”</p>
<p>“Michael was my wife, my soulmate and my best friend. We were together for 7 years. I didn’t stand a chance when she came into my life and turned everything upside down. I tried to resist in the beginning even though I fell in love with her right away. She was young and zealous, and so very brave. She gave the rebellion a new breath of hope and she led them fearlessly. I see so much of her in you.”</p>
<p>Philippa reached out gingerly and touched Michael’s cheek. Michael missed Philippa so much and the distinction started to blur between her Philippa and this mirror Philippa. She selfishly and inexcusably gave in to the sensation of Philippa’s touch. Her body reacted on its own and sought gratification for the repressed craving and longing she had endured in her time apart from Philippa. Their actions were impulsive and they would both claim to be caught up in the moment in their grief and loss for a different version of the woman they loved wholeheartedly. Michael kissed Philippa desperately and recklessly and Philippa responded eagerly and without constraint.</p>
<p>****</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The ASS Shenzhou provided the Discovery with a data core that provided them all the information they needed regarding the mirror universe. The majority of the Alpha and Beta Quadrants were governed by a xenophobic Romulan Star Empire for over two decades. Andorians, Cardassians, Humans, Klingons, Tellarites, Vulcans and a number of other species have formed an alliance in the rebellion against the oppressive regime.</p>
<p>Danby and mirror Michael had known each other since childhood and were closer than most blood siblings. They were inseparable and Danby followed Michael into every one of her missions and battles. When Michael was fatally injured on Vulcan, Danby was the one by her side when she died. Her last words to Danby were to take care of Philippa and in his grief Danby had been fixated with keeping his promise to Michael.</p>
<p>They had been in the mirror universe for two weeks and Michael had spent most days on the ASS Shenzhou with Philippa. To avoid people bumping into their mirror counterpart, they had to keep the Discovery hidden. Commander Landry and Commander Nhan continued to be the captain’s escorts as both their counterparts were allegedly killed in action.  </p>
<p>“Captain to engineering lab. This is Ensign Tilly, there is something curious in the data files and I think it could be our way home.”</p>
<p>“I’m on my way. Number One, the conn is yours.”</p>
<p>****</p>
<p>“What have you got for me, Tilly?”</p>
<p>“The data suggested we may not be the first ship from our universe to find ourselves here. It mentions another Starfleet vessel, the USS Defiant.”</p>
<p>“Admiral Gabriel Lorca’s Defiant?”</p>
<p>“Yes, it would seem so. At last review, the Defiant was patrolling Sector six in our universe. There may be some kind of temporal anomaly at play. It’s unclear, but data suggests that in the future, Defiant will encounter a phenomenon that will bring it into this alternative universe’s past.”</p>
<p>“Regardless, the Defiant is a Constitution-class vessel. It didn’t get here by spore drive. If we find out how it did make it over, could be our way home.”</p>
<p>“However, Intel on the Defiant is classified.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>****Aboard the ASS Shenzhou****</p>
<p>When Michael told Philippa about the USS Defiant and requested her help to obtain the classified data, the General did not seem as surprised as she should be. Michael thought back to their first encounter in the transporter room where Philippa had not been as shocked as the others when she saw Michael. Michael had been too preoccupied to give it much thought then and both Philippa did have impeccable composure.</p>
<p>“What are you not telling me, Philippa?” </p>
<p>Philippa sighed and contemplated her reply. The concept of parallel universe in itself was a confounding phenomenon without adding to it the enigma of time travel.</p>
<p>“I don’t know how to explain this, Michael and I am not sure if telling you is the right thing to do.”</p>
<p>“Considering our relationship you should have been in shock to see me alive but you were not as surprised as the others when you saw me for the first time in the transporter room. You knew somehow…because you met the future Gabriel Lorca from my universe…” Michael said it slowly and aloud to herself as much as Philippa.</p>
<p>“Michael was one of the smartest people I’ve ever met and I see that you share the same brilliant mind.”</p>
<p>“So sometime in the past, you met the future Gabriel Lorca and he told you about what I would tell him regarding our encounter in the mirror universe creating a temporal paradox. Was your Michael alive when this happened?” </p>
<p>“No. It was just a month after Michael has passed, I was grief-stricken and I think that’s why he told me what he did. Michael, there is no wisdom in knowing the future.”</p>
<p>“I know. Trust me, I do. Can you at least tell me what happened to the USS Defiant?”</p>
<p>“It came through a phenomenon called interphasic space and we can only assume it left the same way because one day it simply disappeared. The exact coordinates can only be found in the original report stored at the Imperial Archive located inside the Hall of State in the Romulan capital city of Romulus and to only accessible to those with high-level clearance. It is impenetrable and any attempts to get near the capital are suicidal.”</p>
<p>“Maybe but no one in this universe has the Discovery spore drive technology.”</p>
<p>“Michael, I’m sorry I wasn’t completely honest with you. I understand if this changes things between us.”</p>
<p>“It changes nothing. I can never regret my time with you, with any version of you in any universe.”</p>
<p>****</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was agreed that the asteroid belt where the Klingon stronghold Ty’Gokor was located would be the best hiding place for the Discovery until they could figure out a way to infiltrate Romulus and retrieve the classified data on USS Defiant. Philippa was called to lead the alliance in a rebel attack on Romulan outposts along the Klingon-Romulan border. Philippa had been gone for three weeks but prior to that Michael had spent most of her time including nights on the ASS Shenzhou.</p>
<p>“Captain, may I speak freely?” Saru had been suspicious and concerned with the amount of time Michael had spent privately with mirror Philippa.</p>
<p>“Yes, Saru. Of course.”</p>
<p>“You’ve been spending a lot of time with General Georgiou. From everything I read and what Commander Landry reported, I know she’s a lot like our Captain Georgiou in her leadership and even her mannerism but she is not our Philippa, Michael. I don’t want to see you get hurt. Eventually we have to return to our universe.”</p>
<p>“You think I don’t know that, Saru. I’m going to lose her. In every universe, I’m going to lose her. I just want to have every moment whichever universe grants me. Is that too much to ask?” Michael snapped then deflated.</p>
<p>“I don’t understand, Michael.”</p>
<p>“Philippa left, Saru and I don’t know where she is. That’s why Admiral Cornwell met us at Starbase 46 before we got stranded here. I was so hurt and angry with her for saying goodbye, then this Philippa appeared and she was so much like her and yet so different. General Georgiou is open with her feelings and she doesn’t hold back. I can’t help but fall all over again even if it’s a different Philippa.”</p>
<p>“Michael, I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>“I’m going to lose this Philippa too. I wasn’t certain at first then I started to recognize the subtle differences in this Philippa and realized I saw her before in the mycelial network. I cannot change the future or the past, Saru but I would not give up the present time I have with any version of Philippa.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>****Aboard the ASS Shenzhou****</p>
<p>“Where is she, Danby?”</p>
<p>“She’s in the sickbay getting patched up. She’s fine, Michael. The wound is only superficial.”</p>
<p>Michael rushed to the sickbay regardless, unable to relax until she saw Philippa with her own eyes.</p>
<p>“Philippa, what happened?”</p>
<p>Philippa sat on the biobed and Jett was treating a phaser burn on her upper arm.</p>
<p>“My idiot right hand here shot me.” Philippa offered casually.</p>
<p>“That’s because you didn’t move out of the way quickly enough.” Jett grumbled in her defence.</p>
<p>“It’s because you have lousy aim. I gave you plenty of space to get a clear shot.”</p>
<p>“My aim is excellent, you’re getting slow in your old age.”</p>
<p>“As if you’re any younger, Colonel.”</p>
<p>“I got a whole decade on you, General.”</p>
<p>“You are both ridiculous. Do you know how worried I was when I heard you were hurt?”</p>
<p>“Michael, I’m perfectly fine. Besides you get injured so much more often than I do.” Philippa realized her mistake but it was too late.</p>
<p>“I don’t because I’m not your Michael.” Michael retorted.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.” They both offered at the same.</p>
<p>Jett was done with the dermal regenerator and decided she did not want to get caught in the middle of a tiff between the general and her ‘resurrected’ lover from another universe.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Michael. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m just tired from the mission and I didn’t think before I speak.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry too. You are right, you know? I did get injured so much more often than Philippa did back in our universe but when she did get injured, it was...almost fatal.” Michael could not bring herself to think about Philippa right now. “Let’s get you cleaned up and in bed. You need to rest.”</p>
<p>****</p>
<p>When they got back to her quarters, Philippa was anything but tired so they spent hours making out. Michael poured all her frustration and pent-up energy into pleasuring Philippa and making her orgasmed multiple times until they were both totally spent.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong, Michael? Not that I’m complaining but you’re different tonight.”</p>
<p>“I feel like I’m cheating on her with you and that I betrayed our bond. I didn’t even have time to process her last message, then we jumped into a parallel universe and now I’m no longer sure where we stand. I have never questioned our bond before. It has always been my one absolute.”</p>
<p>“Why are you in my bed, Michael? Be completely honest with yourself.”</p>
<p>“Because I cannot accept that I might have lost her and when I’m with you I can continue to live in that denial. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be. We both know this is not a second chance but a respite. I’ve accepted Michael’s death and I’ve made peace with my grief. I will always love her and that will never change. I don’t think your bond with your Philippa was any different from mine and my Michael.”</p>
<p>“How did you and Michael do it? Choosing between duty and love?”</p>
<p>“For us duty and love has always been one of the same. The rebellion was our life, it brought us together and we promised each other the day either of us felt differently we would leave this life behind. The alliance never questioned our relationship because to everyone we were both more devoted to the cause and always put our duty above all else but for us, we made that choice out of love not duty. Neither of us was willing to rob the other of living to our full potential and giving our all to a cause we believed in, including our lives.</p>
<p>Losing Michael was impossibly hard but I have no regret in the choices we made. She died doing what she loved and believed in. She died knowing that I loved her as deeply as she loved me and that we gave each other all of ourselves and held nothing back. You haven’t lost her, Michael. Now, you need to reach into the depth of your bond and find courage in your love. You will find your way home to her again.”</p>
<p>Philippa left five days later to the ruins of Narendra III near the Klingon-Romulan border on another covert mission. They had spent their last night engaging in slow unrestrained passionate sex until the next morning. Michael shuddered at the memory of that night.</p>
<p>****</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael gathered her senior crew in the captain’s ready room to finalize their plan to infiltrate the Hall of State in Romulus. Jett gave Michael a detailed map of Romulus and building schematics of the Hall of State which she and Philippa stole from one of the Romulan outposts in their last attack. It was the reason they took a risky detour mission to land on the outpost and how Philippa got hurt.  </p>
<p>“The report containing the coordinates for the interphasic space the USS Defiant encountered to cross into this universe is in the Imperial Archive located inside the Hall of State.</p>
<p>We will warp to Qo’noS and from there make successive spore drive jumps to Romulus. An away team consisting of Commander Landry, Commander Nhan, Lieutenant Rhys and myself will beam down to the surface with Colonel Jett Reno from the alliance. We will meet with a contact of hers from the local insurgent network who can get us access to the Imperial Archive. We leave for Qo’noS in 2 days.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>****On Qo’noS rebel base****</p>
<p>The away team did not escape unscathed but they completed their mission successfully and retrieved the original report on the USS Defiant. Commander Nhan and Colonel Reno were both injured and were currently being treated in the alliance rebel base on Qo’noS. The rebel base had the only interface compatible with Romulan data chip, hence the away team returned to rebel base instead of the Discovery after their mission.</p>
<p>An alarm blared through the rebel base and there was a sudden eruption of movements all round them.</p>
<p>“What’s going on, Sarek?”</p>
<p>“That’s the base battle alert. They are expecting an incoming attack. You and your crew need to get back to the Discovery as fast as possible.”</p>
<p>“I’m almost done. I need a few more minutes. We will be fine, Sarek. Rhys, go get Landry and transport back to Discovery now. Commander Nhan and I will join you when we finish decrypting the files.”</p>
<p>They completed downloading the decrypted files when Michael’s communicator chirped and Saru’s urgent voice came over the comm.</p>
<p>“Captain, five Romulan Bird-of-Preys have entered Qo’noS space and they are pursuing the ASS Shenzhou.”</p>
<p>“Damn it! Saru, two to transport.”  </p>
<p>****</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Saru, report.”</p>
<p>“A dozen alliance battleships are engaged with the Romulans. The Shenzhou took a lot of heavy fire and has begun evacuation.”</p>
<p>“Lieutenant Airiam, I need you to scan for General Georgiou’s bio-sign.”</p>
<p>“She’s in one of the escape pods heading towards Qo’noS surface. The pod appeared to have lost flight control.”</p>
<p>“I want you to track the pod and send me its trajectory. Nhan, Rhys, with me. Saru, the conn is yours.”</p>
<p>“Captain, what are you doing? We cannot violate the Prime Directive and interfere with the affairs of another universe.”</p>
<p>“And we will not. Do you trust me, Saru?”</p>
<p>“I do, Captain.” Saru replied sincerely.</p>
<p>He often appeared to question and counter Michael but he did trust his captain unequivocally. Michael would never risk the lives of her crew readily but she and their former captain were alike in their willingness to risk their own lives.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Saru. There is something I must do before we conclude our journey in this universe.”</p>
<p>“Captain, the pod is headed on a crash course towards the Temple of G’boj. I’ve transmitted the coordinates to your PADD.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>****Temple of G’boj crash site****</p>
<p>Michael held a dying Philippa in her arms in the ruins of the Temple of G’boj on Qo’noS.</p>
<p>“I’m not afraid. I’m ready to be with my Michael. Don’t let her go. Don’t let her push you away. Find your way back home, Michael. Go home to your Philippa.”</p>
<p>Philippa gave Michael a silver vial then she raised a hand and brushed Michael’s cheek weakly before she closed her eyes and her body went limp in Michael’s arms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>****On Qo’noS rebel base****</p>
<p>“That was a beautiful speech, Jett. I’m so sorry for your loss.”</p>
<p>“The alliance lost a great general today but we always knew this day might come when we committed ourselves to the rebellion. For most of us, she was larger than life and irreplaceable. She was a leader, mentor, confidant and a good friend. I don’t know if you believe in the afterlife but I choose to believe that she’s with Michael now where she belongs.”</p>
<p>“The Discovery is scheduled to leave and hopefully return to our universe. We have destroyed the original report on the USS Defiant. Hopefully there will be no more crossovers between our universes.”</p>
<p>“She knew you would come and that she needed to do everything she could to help you get back to your Philippa. The silver vial she gave you contains the cure for the toxin commonly used by Klingon assassins. We assumed it would be similar in your universe. Klingon toxins are meant to kill slowly and painfully so they never keep any antidotes. Narenda III was the only place that made them, that’s why she went there. I’ve seen a lot and have my own love stories to tell but I’ve never seen a bond as rare as yours. Don’t let her sacrifice be in vain, Michael.”</p>
<p>Those were Colonel Jett Reno last words to Captain Michael Burnham.</p>
<p>Inside the mycelial network Michael had watched and experienced losing Philippa over and over again in different permutations. She realized that in many other unseen permutations Philippa lost Michael too. Death was an inevitable ending and the best ending they could have. Losing Philippa in the mirror universe even if it was not her Philippa was heart-wrenching and inconceivably hard but also an epiphany. Mirror Philippa had shown Michael that in the depth of their pain, there was a gift and in the depth of their love, there was a happy ending even in death. Michael would not catastrophize their love into a Greek tragedy. She would not lose Philippa to anything other than death. It did not matter that in every universe they lost each other because in every universe they found each other and loved each other. Captain Michael Burnham had a promise to keep and it was time she returned to her true home, Philippa.</p>
<p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
<em>“The dead shall open the eyes of the living</em><br/>
<em>The heart yearning for the past is unattainable</em><br/>
<em>The heart yearning the present is unattainable</em><br/>
<em>The heart yearning for the future is unattainable</em><br/>
<em>The future becomes the present</em><br/>
<em>The present becomes the past</em><br/>
<em>Seek not the heart that connects the three</em><br/>
<em>What is unattainable speaks not what can be pursued”</em>
</p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A portion of the conversation in this chapter is taken from the series transcript for Season 1 Episode 10.</p>
<p>The ending quote is taken from another Michelle Yeoh's movie "Reign of Assassins".</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Homecoming</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The USS Discovery returned home to their universe through the same interphasic rift in space the USS Defiant crossed over.</p><p>“Commander Saru, reboot all system and find out where we are and when.”</p><p>“Captain, celestial patterns and subatomic analysis confirmed we are in our Alpha Quadrant, 3.6 light-years from Starbase 46. But...we overshot by nine months.”</p><p>“Lieutenant Bryce, send a transmission to Starfleet and inform them of our return. Lieutenant Detmer, chart a course and take us back to Earth.”</p><p>“Number One, the conn is yours.”</p><p>In the captain’s ready room, Michael reflected on their time in the parallel universe. Three months had passed for the Discovery in the mirror universe but a whole year had passed in their universe. Michael had endured a painful seven months separation from Philippa and the uncertainty of ever seeing her again. But Philippa had gone through sixteen months without Michael. Michael could not presume to understand how Philippa could have held on thinking that she had lost Michael for good after asking Michael not to look for her. Just the thought of it brought on unspeakable anguish.</p><p>Sometime in the near future Michael would tell Gabriel Lorca about her encounter with mirror Philippa in an alternate universe. Knowing this future event would compel her to make it come true. Even though one could argue it was necessary in the case of a temporal paradox but understanding and experiencing space-time was not entirely the same thing. If the Discovery had not jumped and got trapped in a mirror universe, what would Michael have done after she listened to Philippa’s message. What was it that Alice said, “<em>It's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.</em>” </p><p>“Captain, you have an incoming call from Admiral Cornwell.”</p><p>“Thank you, Lieutenant Bryce. Patch it through to the ready room.”</p><p>“Michael, thank god you’re alive. I’ve sent the USS Enterprise on a mission to look for the Discovery. Chris and Spock are still out there looking for you and your crew. I was beginning to lose hope.”</p><p>“Kat, I’m so happy to see you. I cannot begin to explain what happened to us. I’m just grateful we made it back. I’ve charted our course back to Earth.”</p><p>“I will meet you back in Starfleet Headquarters.”</p><p>“Kat, how is Philippa? Please tell me she’s okay.”</p><p>“She’s not well, Michael. That’s all I can tell you for now.”</p><p>“Did she know what happened to the Discovery?”</p><p>“No one knew what happened to the Discovery, Michael. I refused to allow Starfleet to declare the Discovery crew as presumed dead until we have concrete proof.”</p><p>“So she thought I willingly stayed away from her for an entire year?”</p><p>“It’s not that simple, Michael. I could not tell her. Please, just meet me at the headquarters and we can talk about this properly. You are authorized to use the spore drive. I’m so happy you are back, Michael.”</p><p>****</p><p>The entire crew were subjected to thorough medical examination and debriefing when they arrived at Starfleet Headquarters. After the reports on the parallel universe were reviewed, Starfleet decommissioned the spore drive and all officers with knowledge of the spore drive were ordered never to speak of it under penalty of treason.</p><p>“Please Kat, I need to see her. I must see her.”</p><p>“Michael, she’s not how you remembered her.”</p><p>“And I’m not the same person I was when I left her. You read my report about the mirror universe. She died in my arms, Kat. What I didn’t put in the report was that her death in the mirror universe was the first time I saw and experienced Philippa’s death in the mycelial network. I knew it was going to happen just like I knew what was going to happen when we went aboard Kronos One. During the jumps I made on the attack on Qo’noS and Ty’Gokor, I saw Philippa got stabbed in the chest by L’Rell exactly as it happened.</p><p>I cannot change the present any more than I can change the future or the past. All I can do is pursue my destiny with her. I need my home, Kat. I want to go home to Philippa.” </p><p>“She’s at the Connor Estate in Montana. Danby visits her every weekend. He’s back at the estate now.”</p><p>“Thank you, Kat. There is something else I did not include in my report and none of my crew knew about it. I brought something back with me from the mirror universe.”</p><p>“Michael, that violates the Prime Directive and you could face a court martial.”</p><p>“It might be the cure for the Klingon toxin that’s killing Philippa. It was only possible to get this from the mirror universe because Klingons are part of the alliance there. We assumed the two universes are similar enough that the toxin and cure would be the same. I need Starfleet Medical help in analysing and testing it to see if it will be safe to use on Philippa. We can save her, Kat.”</p><p>“Leave it with me, I will handle it. Thank you, Michael.” Admiral Katrina Cornwell was not infallible when it came to abiding by Starfleet regulations and she had always been bias when it came to Philippa. “Michael, you know how stubborn she is. Be patient with her. She needs you right now, more so than ever. No matter what she says, you know she still loves you very much. She never stopped.”</p><p>“I know, Kat. I know. I will not let her push me away again.”</p><p>****</p><p>When Michael showed up at the Connor estate, Danby almost cried in relief. He wanted to contact Michael so many times in the beginning but he could not betray Philippa and then Katrina had informed him that the Discovery had disappeared. Philippa had been really sick the past few weeks and Danby was at his wit’s end. Michael’s unexpected arrival was an answer to his prayers.  </p><p>“Michael, you do not know how happy I am to see you. I am so sorry I could not tell you before but I’m so glad you are here now.”</p><p>“Danby, I don’t blame you. I know it was what Philippa wanted and I am glad that she has you. Thank you for never stopping to look after her.”</p><p>“Michael, does she know you’re coming?”</p><p>“No, Danby. I made Katrine promised not to tell her. I need to see her, Danby. She will not send me away again. I know she needs me as much as I need her.”</p><p>“You need to prepare yourself, Michael. She’s not the same and she’s been really ill lately. She refused to go to the hospital and I don’t know what to do. I’m really worried about her.”</p><p>“Tell me everything, Danby.”</p><p>So Danby told Michael everything that had happened since Philippa came to stay with the Connor.</p><p>When Philippa left Starfleet Medical after her sudden cardiac arrest, she had accepted that living was her penance. She did her best to get her recovery back on track. Trying to forget Michael was like trying to forget how to breathe. Despite her medical retirement, Starfleet did not revoke her access. Philippa would read every report and news on the Discovery and kept track of the surviving Shenzhou crew members, using all her influence to make sure they had the best career path. She sent a personal message to the family of every deceased crew members and made sure they were well taken care of. She was just starting to adapt well to her life at the Connor estate until something happened.</p><p>One morning after she completed her healing meditation practise, all of a sudden an indescribable pain exploded in her chest bringing her to her knees. She thought she had another heart attack but the pain she felt was unlike any other time, it was like her heart had been ripped out of her chest. Just as she thought the pain would worsen, it dissipated and left her with an overwhelming sense of hollow emptiness. She could no longer feel Michael or their bond. Philippa had never experience such intense fear even in the face of death and it plunged her into an endless void. That was how Danby found Philippa that day curled up in a fetal position on the floor in her cottage with her hands over her chest. She was muttering incoherently and the only word Danby could make out was Michael. Danby wanted to activate the emergency medical transport but Philippa kept shaking her head. Danby had never heard his godmother cried before and the sound of her untainted sorrow would haunt him until today. He stayed with Philippa until she cried herself to sleep then carried her to bed. Philippa changed after that day and Danby never saw his godmother smiled or cried again. They never spoke of the incident but Philippa had asked Dandy to remove all electronics media from her cottage. She became reclusive, completing cutting herself off from the world and never spoke of the Discovery or Michael again. In fact, she hardly ever spoke at all after that day.</p><p>When Katrina came to visit four weeks later and told Danby about Discovery, he realized the incident happened on the day Discovery presumably disappeared. Perhaps it was a blessing that Philippa had isolated herself from the outside world because Katrina did not know how to break the news to her dear friend. Katrina refused to accept that Discovery was gone or Michael was dead so she tasked the USS Enterprise to scour the galaxy for the missing starship.       </p><p>Danby visited every weekend and Philippa did not seem to mind his company. Katrina would visit as often as she could but Philippa would be more withdrawn and tensed whenever she came by. Danby thought it was because Philippa feared the news Katrina could bring about Discovery and Michael. She developed a persistent cough six weeks ago. Her heart could no longer pump efficiently and this had begun to affect her pulmonary system. Philippa had not responded well to intravenous drugs and relied heavily on oxygen therapy to ease her breathing.</p><p>Danby had suggested admitting the retired captain to Starfleet Medical but Philippa had refused. Even Katrina could not persuade her. There were too many memories of Michael at Starfleet Medical and Philippa could not bring herself to face them.</p><p>Danby led Michael towards the cottage.</p><p>“She doesn’t like it when people knock so you can just go in. She has a fixed routine and she knows I come around every weekend. She would be reading by the fireplace right now. She gets tired easily and is often drowsy. She hasn’t slept well in weeks because of a persistent cough.”</p><p>“Thank you, Danby.”</p><p>****</p><p>The first thing Michael heard when she entered the cottage was the sound of coughing. Philippa was sitting in an armchair by the fireplace with her back towards Michael. Philippa instinctively knew without looking that it wasn’t Danby who had entered but it could not be. It had been sixteen months since she last saw Michael, fifteen months since she last heard her voice and twelve months since, Philippa could not even put a word as to what happened twelve months ago. She could not allow herself to hope. Unbidden hot tears rolled down her face but she was petrified and could not turn around. Her mind refused to acknowledge what the remnants of her heart had already sensed to be true.</p><p>Michael came to stand in front of Philippa and slowly knelt down. Her soul wept for the pain of their separation and joy that she was granted this moment in time. Their time apart had not been kind to Philippa but she had never looked more beautiful to Michael. Michael kept her gaze on Philippa, her eyes conveying nothing but pure love and devotion.</p><p>“Michael…you’re here. You’re really here.” It came out barely audible. She did not dare to reach out, fearful the apparition would disappear if she touched it.              </p><p>“Yes, t’hy’la. I’m really here. I’ve come home.”</p><p>Trembling hand reached out but not quite touching. Philippa choked out a sob when Michael took her trembling hand and held it to her cheek proving her apparition to be real.</p><p>“You’re real. I thought I…I thought I’ve lost you…”</p><p>“You will never lose me. I’m sorry it took me so long but I’m here now.”</p><p>“You came back…” Philippa broke into a string of harsh coughs that shook her fragile frame and left her gasping for breath and lightheaded.</p><p>Michael lifted Philippa in bridal style and gently laid her down on the bed in a reclined position and placed the oxygen mask over her face. The oxygen gradually eased her breathing and reduced her dizziness. Philippa kept a weak grip on Michael wanting her to stay close. Michael did not need to be asked, she climbed into bed and stayed as close to Philippa as she could.</p><p>“Shh…rest now, t’hy’la. I will be right here when you wake up. I’m home, Philippa. I’m home.” Michael whispered tenderly in between placing kisses on Philippa’s forehead until she drifted into a much needed sleep.</p><p>Philippa woke up a few hours later by intractable coughing and chest pain. When Michael got out of bed, Philippa panicked and removed her mask.</p><p>“Michael, don’t go? Stay…please?” Philippa pleaded tearfully. It pained Michael that Philippa thought she had to ask. Did Philippa not know that Michael was where she belonged, that she was home at long last?  </p><p>“I’m not going anywhere, Philippa. I’m just going to get your medication. I will be right back, I promise.” Michael tried to pacify Philippa and carefully placed her mask back on.</p><p>Philippa was groaning and shaking in pain, and her eyes were screwed shut when Michael returned to administer her heart and pain medication. It took a few minutes for the medication to take effect and when the pain abated, she removed her mask again.</p><p>“Thank you, Michael.”</p><p>“Go back to sleep now. I will be here when you wake up, I promise.”</p><p>“I don’t want to sleep any more. Michael, I…”</p><p>“Shh…we will have time to talk later. We need to get you well again. Are you hungry? Do you think you can handle some soup?”</p><p>Philippa nodded weakly. Michael made sure she was in Philippa’s line of sight as she went to prepare her meal. She started telling Philippa some of Discovery’s adventures while she fed her patiently. Philippa would break to cough after every few spoonful. She had no appetite but she missed Michael so much and did not want her to stop talking. Her mind had yet fully accepted that this was real and not a dream. Michael was glad that Philippa obliged and finished her soup before she drifted off again. The retired captain looked emaciated. Michael was shocked at how light Philippa was when she carried her to bed earlier.</p><p>This Philippa was vulnerable and diffident, two words Michael would never use to describe her former captain. Michael thought Philippa seemed almost afraid of her. Did Philippa think Michael was angry with her or would hurt her?        </p><p>Philippa began whimpering in her sleep and she was wheezing and her skin clammy.</p><p>“It’s okay, t’hy’la. I got you now. You’re okay. You’re safe.”</p><p>Michael tried to calm her down but she started thrashing and woke up gasping painfully for air but every breath only intensified the pain in her chest.</p><p>“Shh…it’s okay, t’hy’la. I got you now. Slow down your breathing. Everything is going to be okay.”</p><p>“So many of them…they won’t stop…”</p><p>“I know, Philippa. I know. Shh…it’s okay now.”</p><p>“…can’t…hurts too much…”</p><p>Michael continued whispering soothing words and tried to lull Philippa back to sleep but it wasn’t working. She was forced to give Philippa a dose of sedative to calm her down and help her sleep.  </p><p>****</p><p>“She’s really weak, Kat. I’ve never seen her this sick before. I want to admit her to Starfleet Medical as soon as possible but everything is still too raw. Where are we on the cure?”</p><p>“We need a few more days. Dr Nambue is back at Starfleet Medical now working with the research team.”</p><p>“I don’t know how much time she has, Kat. I’m really scared. She can’t even breathe properly anymore.”</p><p>“She’ll make it, Michael. You need to make sure she hangs on for just a few more days. We are so close now.”</p><p>****</p><p>Philippa woke up feeling more rested than she had in a long while. Memories of the previous night made her feel disoriented. She had been severely sleep deprived in the last few weeks and it was entirely possible it had caused her to start hallucinating. She closed her eyes trying to discern if last night had been a hallucination or a dream because it felt so real. It took Philippa a moment to realize someone was in bed with her. She removed her mask and opened her eyes warily. Philippa stared in bewilderment at the body sleeping next to her. Michael looked even more beautiful and angelic than Philippa remembered.</p><p>“It’s rude to stare.” Michael mumbled softly but it startled Philippa and she broke into a coughing fit. That immediate woke Michael up fully. “I’m so sorry, Philippa. Are you okay?”</p><p>“Are you trying to give me heart attack, Michael?” Philippa managed to croak out between coughs. She put her mask back on and waved dismissively at Michael.</p><p>After her coughing subsided, she switched to nasal cannula so she could talk to Michael. It had been more than a year and there was a lot they needed to talk about.</p><p>“You’re really here. I never thought I would see you again. I’ve missed you so much.”</p><p>Michael wrapped her arms gently around Philippa and pulled her close but made sure Philippa had space to breath. Philippa sunk into the warmth of Michael’s embrace, appreciative of her well measured gesture.</p><p>Michael knew she needed to find the courage in their bond to confront Philippa now and be completely honest about her feelings or she would risk losing Philippa all over again. </p><p>“Being separated from you is one of the most painful experiences in my life. I don’t want to ever go through it again.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Michael. I never meant to hurt you.”</p><p>“I don’t want you to be sorry and there is nothing to forgive. I will always forgive you for everything and anything even if you decide to leave me again. But I don’t want you to, Philippa. I’m asking you to never push me away or leave me again.”</p><p>“I only wanted what was best for you, Michael.”</p><p>“Being with you is what’s best for me, for both of us.”</p><p>“I broke your heart, Michael.”</p><p>“Yes, you did. My heart breaks every time I’m apart from you and you make it whole again every time we are together. I am willing to endure an infinite amount of heartbreaks because I don’t have a choice. My heart is not my own, Philippa.”</p><p>“Michael, please don’t…”</p><p>“You told me I deserved everything good in the universe. Did you mean it?”</p><p>“Of course, I did and you do, Michael. Never doubt that.”</p><p>“Then I deserve you, Philippa. I know now that I do not need to go on some quest to prove myself worthy of you because I am already worthy of you. Tell me I am not and I will leave and never come home again.” Michael dared Philippa.</p><p>“I…Michael…I…”</p><p>“Don’t you dare push me away again, Philippa. Don’t hurt both of us like that again.”</p><p>Michael had changed and Philippa was taken aback by Michael’s directness and candor but everything Michael said was true and it took tremendous courage. That courage came from the depth of her love and she deserved more than Philippa’s cowardice. Philippa knew she did not have much time left, she could feel her heart failing. But it was not her imminent death but Michael’s courage that prompted her to confront her fears. Her decisions had caused them immeasurable pain. Michael did not need her apology, regret or sacrifice. She needed Philippa to listen and that was exactly what Philippa would do.</p><p>“Thank you for having enough courage for both of us. I don’t want to be separated from you again either. I want you, Michael. I want to be with you.”</p><p>Michael placed the gentlest kiss on Philippa’s lips. They had a long and challenging road ahead but Michael was home and the healing process had begun.</p><p>****</p><p>They spent the next five days talking through their unresolved feelings, their fears and regrets. Philippa told Michael everything about Aoife and her deepest regret, the reason why she had been uncompromising in putting duty above all else especially above love. She confessed that her actions had been driven by fear of regret and not courage and that she was a hypocrite when she said she chose hope because it was actually redemption she sought. Philippa gave up on love a long time ago and duty without love was deplorable. To live in painful separation from Michael was her penance but she had no right to punish Michael for her flaws.  </p><p>Michael too had dark secrets of her own to confess. She had been gripped by fear each time she came face to face with Klingons. That was why she could not overcome T’Kuvma on the Sarcophagus even though she was one of Starfleet most skilled hand-to-hand combatants and Philippa had been forced to take the kill shot making her T’Kuvma’s killer. She got captured on the Klingon warship for the same reason and Philippa again had to rescue her and got stabbed. Michael was responsible for the physical suffering Philippa had to endure in the past two years and still suffered from.</p><p>Michael believed her experiences inside the mycelial network, having to watch Philippa died in every universe was her punishment because it was not Philippa who did not deserve Michael but it was Michael who did not deserve Philippa. Michael told Philippa she left because she thought she had to endure the pain of being separated from Philippa so that Philippa could heal from hers and she had regretted her decision every day.  </p><p>Philippa told Michael about her guilt over the decisions she made during the war. Michael told Philippa what she learnt from the Klingons in the mirror universe. The Klingons became part of the alliance only under the threat of extinction from a common adversary. Philippa was not wrong in her war strategies, the threat of annihilation was the only way to force the Klingons into an armistice. The Klingons would not have hesitated to annihilate the Federation, millions more would have died if the Federation-Klingon war had not ended when it did. When her crew decided to stay with the ship and their captain, their path became their own choice and not the one Philippa made for them. The burden and death of war was never Philippa’s to bear.</p><p>Michael told Philippa how she felt her pain when Philippa broke down at the memorial wall and suffered a cardiac arrest. Philippa told Michael how she felt the pain and emptiness when Michael disappeared into the parallel universe. Their open conversations left them in awe and opened their eyes to how truly extraordinary and inconceivable their bond was.</p><p>Confession was their first step towards forgiveness but it had never been each other that they needed to forgive. It took remarkable strength and courage to overcome guilt and regret, and forgiving themselves were their most heroic act.</p><p>Michael eventually told Philippa everything that happened in the mirror universe.</p><p>“Michael, are you telling me you slept…no…had sex with a different version of me in a parallel universe?” Philippa fixed Michael with an incredulous stare.</p><p>“Uh…yes? I wasn’t technically cheating on us…right?” Michael stared back sheepishly.</p><p>“Well, I’m awfully jealous of my counterpart so you better make it up to me.”</p><p>“Oh, I most certainly intend to.”</p><p>“I’m really sorry you lost her but I’m happy that she was there for you.”</p><p>“Losing her was incredibly painful but she taught me a lot. Most importantly, she showed me my way home to you and for that I would forever be grateful. Our bond transcends the multiverse, Philippa. In every universe we find each other and we love each other.”</p><p>****</p><p>Philippa had been sleeping and eating better, even her chronic cough seemed to be under control since Michael came back. The scene inside the cottage looked like any other domestic household. They were merely an ordinary couple going about their daily lives, not Starfleet captain and Federation war hero. Sometimes it felt as if the war never happened, and Philippa had not nearly died multiple times and Michael had not disappeared into a parallel universe for a year.</p><p>Philippa had agreed to get admitted after the weekends, wanting to spend more time alone with Michael at the cottage. She was honest with Michael about her condition. She told Michael her heart was at its last stage of failing. Michael had helped her made peace with her regrets and having Michael with her now was more than she had dared to hope for. Philippa was not afraid to die but she would fight to stay alive because the past five days had showed her how much she had to live for.</p><p>Katrina had kept them updated daily on the progress of the cure. Starfleet Medical was uncertain if the quantum variance of the cure would cause an unpredictable and adverse effect later on. However, their main concern was that the cure attacked the toxin ruthlessly and the human body mainly a weakened heart would not be able to survive a direct injection. The research team was still trying to find an alternative procedure to administer the cure.</p><p>They went outside and lay on the grass because Philippa wanted to watch the night skies even though she could hardly stay awake.</p><p>“I haven’t been outside in months. It’s beautiful, so different from what we see in space.”</p><p>“Do you miss space?”</p><p>“I used to think my life belonged in space but I don’t know anymore. I haven’t really thought about space since Yorktown. Would you miss it if you were never to go back in space again?”</p><p>“I will but I will miss you more. There is no comparison for me. You’re more beautiful than any celestial bodies, Philippa.”</p><p>“Flattery will get you everywhere. I love you, Michael.”   </p><p>Michael couldn’t sleep that night because she was really worried about Philippa. Philippa had complained about a bad headache earlier. Her oxygen level was below normal and she had been unusually lethargic. Philippa woke up in the middle of the night in cold sweat and extremely nauseated.</p><p>“Michael…I…don’t feel so good…going to be sick…”</p><p>Michael quickly grabbed a bin and Philippa threw up violently followed by an incessant cough, drops of red blood spattered onto the white sheets. Michael activated the emergency medical transport without a second thought.</p><p>****</p><p>Starfleet Medical team was able to stabilize Philippa but they had to administer the cure soon or they would lose her regardless. The doctors had proposed a highly risky procedure that had never been performed before. They were uncertain if the procedure would work but they were almost certain that injecting the cure directly would kill the retired captain. They could try their best to prolong her life but it would mean regular surgeries and ongoing organ reconstruction and regeneration treatments. The weaker Philippa got, the success rate of any procedures dropped significantly. </p><p>Philippa was awake and lucid enough to decide but she wanted Michael to be part of the decision making process because it was not just herself she needed to consider anymore.</p><p>"I don't want to lose you but I don’t want you to be in so much pain. I can live with losing you if I know you are at peace."</p><p>“Thank you, Michael. I don’t want you to watch me die a slow painful death. I want to do the procedure. Can you bear it if the procedure fails?”</p><p>“I don’t think the parallel universe was a coincidence. I trust our bond and I believe our destiny is not over.”</p><p>“Then I choose hope for us.”</p><p>****</p><p>The procedure was designed to treat the body and the heart with the cure separately. Surgeons removed Philippa’s heart and replaced its function with an interim artificial heart. They then began treatment on her pulmonary system while her heart was placed inside an organ chamber and treated with the cure outside of her body. Once Philippa completed the pulmonary treatment to repair her lungs, the cure was administered to her body intravenously while doctors monitored her vitals and the cardiac function of the artificial heart.</p><p>After doctors confirmed there were no more traces of the toxin in her heart, they had to put the heart through a series of regeneration treatment. It took longer for the toxin to be completely eradicated from the rest of her body and the process put her body under tremendous physiological stress. Philippa had been feverish towards the end and Michael held her as she trembled violently for the last few hours. When it was finally over, Philippa was so weak, she was morbidly torpid. Michael broke down in tears of anguish over the unforgiving pain Philippa had been subjected to since the war began. Michael wasn’t sure if she would have been strong enough to endure what Philippa went through because she did not think she had the strength to watch Philippa go through another episode like this again. Lastly, doctors performed the surgery to put her healthy heart back and allowed her body to heal and recover. The entire procedure lasted fifteen days.  </p><p>“I know the procedure has been extremely painful but it went unexpectedly well. It was truly a miracle. The doctors are really happy with the results and her vitals are looking strong. It worked, Kat. You saved her.”</p><p>“I didn’t save her, Anton. Michael did. I think they saved each other.”</p><p>Katrina and Dr Nambue were talking outside Philiipa’s hospital suite and they could hear faint laughter coming from the room. It’s been such a long time since Katrina had heard Philippa laughed and the sound brought a warm sensation that settled comfortably in her chest.</p><p>Albert Einstein, a famous human physicist of the 20<sup>th</sup> century once said there were only two ways to live your life. One was as though nothing was a miracle. The other was as though everything was a miracle. Katrina was certain Philippa and Michael would live their lives as though everything was a miracle. Unfortunately, that meant she should anticipate more trouble from those two. She chuckled at the thought and shook her head as she opened the door and entered to greet her dear friend who had defied yet another death. Cats, it seemed were not the only Earth creatures to have nine lives.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. A New Beginning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Philippa had recovered quickly and her heart had remained strong and healthy. She was no longer plagued by constant pain and fatigue. She would continue to experience chronic pain but never to the same degree as before. Occasionally, her movement would become stiff and her upper left torso would ache. Being able to breath properly and without pain was a luxury Philippa never thought she would miss. Her nightmares were less frequent and when it did happen, she stopped trying to deal with them on her own. She would always tell Michael about them and they would talk through their struggles and fears because Michael had her own nightmares too.      </p><p>“I don’t want to hurt you, Philippa.”</p><p>“You mean you don’t want to hurt my pride.”</p><p>Michael and Philippa circled each other on the sparring mats where they had been training for the past 45 minutes. The Connor had graciously emptied a large hall in their mansion and set it up for rehabilitation and physiotherapy.</p><p>Philippa moved in for a cross punch followed by an uppercut but Michael managed to duck the punch and blocked the uppercut. A rear leg push kick almost caught Michael in the chin. Michael had excellent reflexes and speed, and had been able to dodge Philippa easily.</p><p>“Come on, Michael. Don’t hold back on me.”</p><p>Michael went on the offense with a series of Wing Chun style thrusts and strikes which Philippa countered skilfully. Michael increased the speed of her attack and the two of them moved gracefully and in synchrony across the sparring mats.</p><p>Philippa barely had time to raise her left arm and blocked a high roundhouse kick from Michael that came straight at the side of her head. The impact threw her off balance and she went down on her knees and rolled with the momentum before getting back up on her feet. Philippa unconsciously placed a hand over her chest.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Philippa. Are you okay?”</p><p>“I’m alright, Michael. I’m not in any pain. My body has been so used to being in constant pain for the last two years, sometimes I still expect it to be there.”</p><p>“You’ve improved a lot but I don’t want you to push yourself too hard.”</p><p>“Okay, I think I have enough for today. How does dinner under the stars sound?”</p><p>They got back to the cottage and Philippa went to take a shower first. The shower screen opened and Michael stepped in behind her. Even with modern medical treatment, there were numerous faint scars from her injuries and the multiple surgeries Philippa underwent. On top of that, her body was no longer slender and toned like before. Regaining her weight and rebuilding her muscles would take time. It made Philippa self-conscious because Michael on the other hand had blossomed not just in maturity and wisdom, she had the body of an Amazon warrior and a Greek goddess. Michael felt Philippa tensed and brought her arms around the remarkable woman in front of her.</p><p>“You are breathtakingly beautiful, Philippa. All of you and every part of you are breathtakingly beautiful.”</p><p>Philippa turned around and kissed Michael hungrily, igniting the primal desire and lust within their body, mind and soul.</p><p>****</p><p>Philippa laid her head on Michael’s chest as they watched the night skies and Michael would stroke her hair and kiss her head occasionally. Lying on Michael had quickly become her favourite resting position. Michael’s heartbeat made Philippa feel grounded and safe, and Michael did not mind at all. She loved being able to hold Philippa close to her and made Philippa felt cherished and protected. It was peaceful and quiet, and it felt surreal considering what they had been through since the Federation-Klingon war started 3 years and 3 months ago.</p><p>“Are you sure you want to come out of retirement? Before the war started, you did plan to retire.”</p><p>“I feel selfish just living for myself after what the universe has granted us.”</p><p>“You already did more for the Federation and for humanity than most. Maybe the universe wants you to finally have the chance to live for yourself.”</p><p>“Sometimes I wonder where you get all the things you say from.”</p><p>“From the bottom of my heart?”</p><p>“You’re an incorrigible romantic and I love you for it. On a serious note, I have this feeling that we have unfinished business with the Klingons. I want to forge lasting peace between the Federation and Klingons.”</p><p>Philippa never ceased to amaze Michael, she used to hold her former captain to a ridiculous high standard until she realized it could not compare to the impossible benchmark Philippa measured herself on. They kissed passionately under the open sky and the stars above bore witness to their otherworldly bond.  </p><p>****</p><p>The physical aspect of their relationship had been challenging, initially due to their separation during the war and after that due to Philippa’s injuries. Their most intimate moment had been on Earth before the Battle of Yorktown. Philippa was very aware of how her body had been reacting to Michael though her mind was shrouded in self-doubt. Every night when they were in bed together, her heartbeat would quicken in anticipation whenever Michael reached over and held her. The palpable heat that ignited in the pit of her stomach every time Michael touched her was unmistakable. They had talked about everything except this. A part of Philippa was fearful that it had been too long and that her injuries had changed everything but Michael had never hid her physical attraction and desire from Philippa. When Michael had joined her in the shower earlier, it was the first time Philippa had the courage to initiate a kiss since her recovery.</p><p>Michael had never been the tactile one in their relationship but it was never due to the lack of wanting. However, she was the one who had initiated all their physical contact since she returned from the parallel universe. There had never been any ambiguity regarding her physical attraction and desire for her former captain yet Philippa seemed to refrain herself. Michael knew Philippa felt the undeniable sexual tension between them as much as she did. She suspected Philippa was holding back out of unfounded insecurities and it was up to Michael to put that fear to rest. As Philippa got stronger every day, it became harder for Michael to repress her overwhelming sexual desire and she did not want to anymore. Philippa had kissed her greedily in the shower and they had shared a passionate kiss earlier under the night sky. Every second the universe granted them was precious and there was nothing holding them back from consummating their bond.</p><p>That night when Michael spooned Philippa and pulled her close against her like she did every night since they returned from Starfleet Medical, she started brushing her lips softly along the back of Philippa’s neck. Philippa let out a faint moan as Michael kissed the nape of her neck sensually, her hot breath sent a wave of electric shock surging through Philippa’s body. Kiss by kiss, Michael stripped away her insecurity. Actually, it was impossible for Philippa to think about anything beyond the blooming desire to taste the lips that were setting every nerve in her body on fire.</p><p>Michael continued slowly and patiently, making her way towards Philippa’s ear. Her tongue teasing and probing between gentle tugging kisses.</p><p>“I want to make love to you.” Michael whispered huskily into Philippa’s ear. “Do you want me to stop?”</p><p>All Philippa could do was let out a whimper, unable to articulate a coherent response. She turned onto her back and gazed into the pool of desire swirling in Michael’s beautiful lustrous eyes. Philippa’s own pupils were fully dilated and it held an unguarded vulnerability. Philippa had thought Michael arrogant and too confident for her own good when they first met. While that was true in every aspect of Michael’s life, it never did apply when it came to her former captain. As Michael gazed into the naked vulnerability in Philippa’s eyes, she had never been more confident that she could and she would, protect and treasure this precious heart Philippa was entrusting her with.</p><p>Philippa could hear her pulse thumping all the way down to her core and then Michael was on top of her, pushing her legs apart and easing down in between until their groins were pressed hard together. Before Philipp could even let out moan, Michael’s mouth was on her. She was powerless against the tide of desire oozing out of her pores and the hot wetness spreading between her thighs. She closed her eyes and was lost in a trance of Michael’s tongue dancing inside her mouth. Michael’s movements were delicate and deliberate while Philippa had lost all her faculties, her system over-flooded by the release of a cocktail of chemicals in her brain.</p><p>Michael could feel Philippa’s soft warm body underneath her and there was an irrepressible urgency to touch the bare skin of the gorgeous entity beneath her. Michael swiftly removed both their tops and allowed their bare skin to caress each other. There was almost an echo of somatic pain from the searing heat of their naked bodies pressed together and molded into one. Michael continued to explore and catalogue every inch of the object of her love with a mixture of transcendental tenderness and primal lust. Her mouth moved across and captured the other ear nibbling and tracing every nook and cranny her tongue could reach. Their fingers intertwined as Philippa arched her back and her body trembled in response. Michael shuddered at the gasps and moans that escaped Philippa’s lips.</p><p>Michael started to trail kisses along Philippa’s jawline and down the front of her neck, pausing to take her time when she reached the visible dip in the neck between the clavicles. The sensation of Michael’s tongue on her suprasternal notch fired up her brain and another wave of dopamine brought her to a new high. At this rate, Philippa was certain she would have an orgasm before Michael even got half way down her body. Michael continued her journey along the collarbones and shoulders, and took extra care to place soft butterfly kisses along every one of Philippa’s faint scars. A drop of tear rolled down the side of Philippa’s face.</p><p>Michael traced the tear track with light kisses and whispered sweetly, “Every inch of you takes my breath away.”</p><p>Philippa opened her mouth but there were no words so she pulled Michael down and tried to convey her reply through her kiss. The intensity of emotion in that kiss intoxicated like drugs coursing through her system and Michael nearly collapsed on top of Philippa. The kiss left them both panting heavily as Michael tried to get her focus back on the unfinished task at hand. Philippa swallowed shakily and before she even managed to steady her breathing, Michael’s mouth was on her breast. Philippa let out a low cry just before Michael’s tongue grazed her nipple, her hands gripped the sheets tightly.</p><p>As Michael continued to caress and teased her breasts leisurely, alternating between using her hands and her mouth, the palpable pleasure soaring through her body was softly agonizing. Her mind was at a lost how to process the sensation and her body was equally unfamiliar with how it should respond, different muscles twitched and quivered out of her control. Philippa was not even aware her body was capable of such extensive pleasure. The throbbing between her thighs was pulsating in harmony with Michael’s tongue. Michael dipped her mouth again and flicked her tongue over Philippa’s swollen nipple and sucked it gently. Philippa moaned in pleasure and wrapped her feet around Michael’s legs as the throbbing in her centre intensified.</p><p>Michael knew Philippa was throbbing painfully because her own core was aching just as intensely and her underwear was soaking wet. Michael could feel the echo of every pleasurable sensation on Philippa and every time Philippa let out a moan, it set her own nerves into an electrifying frenzy.  </p><p>Michael knelt between Philippa’s legs and kissed her way down the middle of the torso from the sternum to the belly button. Philippa whimpered in protest when her hands could not reach Michael. She pushed herself up and straddled Michael who had her legs folded underneath her in a kneeling position. She threaded her hands through Michael’s hair and tilted her head upwards as she bent down for a bruising possessive kiss. Philippa broke the kiss and moved her mouth onto Michael’s ears then down her neck with feral aggression. While Michael had intended to make love to Philippa slowly, her body did not have the same patience when Philippa kissed her so ferociously. Michael wrapped her strong arms around Philippa firmly and lay her back down. Running her hands along either side of the body beneath her, she pulled off Philippa’s underwear as she raised and proceeded to remove her own.</p><p>When she lay back down on top of Philippa and their naked groins touched, Michael moaned into Philippa’s neck and Philippa dug her fingernails into Michael’s back. Neither of them could really hold on much longer. Michael propped herself slightly on both knees and one elbow and slid a hand down Philippa’s abs to her core. The anticipation itself drove the pulsating rhythm between her thighs wild. One touch and the gratification were instant. Philippa gasped out in ecstasy, her back arched and every muscle below her waist convulsed as she rode out her first orgasm. Michael held her firmly as Philippa bit into her shoulder trying to muffle her cry. Philippa grabbed Michael’s hand as she tried to touch her again and flipped Michael onto her back reversing their position. She slid two fingers into the wetness between Michael’s thighs and captured her breast with her mouth, tasting and sucking her perfectly plump breasts. She increased the pressure on the wetness coating her fingers but it did not take much at all before the body under her trashed and trembled in a massive wave of euphoria.</p><p>They continued exploring each other in a passionate dance of primordial sexual desire and unadulterated love as if it was written in their DNA and their bodies had long been made for each other, designed to fall into a natural harmony of infinite pleasure. Every orgasm was a unique experience of pleasure breathing in and gushing out, of language yet to be discovered, of senses reaching beyond the constraint of the human body.       </p><p>They mapped every inch of each other’s body like they were on a survey expedition scouring every corner of the universe and charting every celestial object across the galaxy. Philippa wondered if someone could overdose from pleasure because Michael it seemed was not done and Philippa had long lost count of her orgasms. Michael’s fingers remained inside Philippa and started teasing her again before she could come down from her previous climax. As the pressure increased steadily over her sensitive spot, every fibre of her body screamed for release. It was impossible not to be consumed by the love emanating from this Elysian being on top of her.</p><p>Philippa surrendered herself completely and utterly, the peak of her orgasmic wave took her to a plane where space and time ceased to exist. Her eyes were opened but there was no vision, there was no taste, no smell, no touch and no sound, there was no body and no mind. It was the ultimate divine bliss. Unfortunately, the human body and mind could not maintain itself in such plane. Michael withdrew her fingers gently as Philippa returned from her blissful peak and held her tenderly as waves of aftershock rippled through her body. The sheets underneath them were soaked with bodily fluids but Philippa could not bring herself to care. The only other time she had felt this tired was when she first awoke from her 21 weeks of medically induced coma. She was at the verge of passing out and her eyelids were heavy but the primeval need to be close to Michael kept her conscious.</p><p>“Rest now, t’hy’la. I’m right here. Sleep now.” Michael whispered hoarsely and brushed her damp forehead lovingly as she fell into a profound wakeless sleep.</p><p>Philippa woke up to fingertips lightly tracing her clavicles, stopping to caress the dip in between, then down her sternum and rested on her heart.</p><p>“Hmm…” Apparently her speech faculty had yet recovered. At least she managed to get her eyes opened and was greeted by the most rewarding sight, perfection.   </p><p>“Good afternoon, t’hy’la.” Michael gave Philippa a long sensual kiss.</p><p>“Hmm…” Perhaps the overdose of pleasure hormones actually did short-circuit her brain.</p><p>“It was that good, huh?” Michael teased Philippa smugly.</p><p>Philippa buried her head between Michael’s breasts and groaned in reply. Philippa ached all over and in places that she did not even know could feel pain which said a lot considering what her body had been through in recent years. It would take some time for her body and mind to recover, and to properly process this new euphoric experience. Days later, Michael could still feel the remnant of the orgasm aftershocks from their first lovemaking session.</p><p>****</p><p>Starfleet Command was thrilled the legendary captain had decided to come out of retirement and insisted on promoting Philippa to the rank of Admiral. The Federation was equally eager to offer their war hero a seat on the Federation Council but Philippa politely declined. A seat on the Federation Council would give Philippa a great deal of influence over the operations of Starfleet but it was not where she wanted to spent the remaining of her career. Philippa deliberated over her options with Michael and decided to take up the role of a diplomat with the Federation Bureau of Planetary Treaties. Hence, Admiral Philippa Georgiou became Federation Ambassador-at-Large aboard the USS Discovery.</p><p>It was an unfortunate disaster that ultimately led to peace between the Federation and the Klingon Empire. An explosion on Praxis, the only moon of Qo’noS due to over-mining caused a powerful subspace shock wave and deadly pollution of Qo’noS ozone. The potential environmental threat could deplete the oxygen in Qo’noS atmosphere within fifty Earth years. Chancellor Gorkon who succeeded L’Rell after the Battle of Yorktown realized the Klingon Empire could no longer afford hostilities with the Federation. However, his view was not fully supported by the members of the twenty four Great Houses.</p><p>Ambassador Kell reminded the Klingon High Council that they should honour the original terms of armistice that ended the Federation-Klingon war. He received news that the Federation had appointed a recently promoted Starfleet admiral as ambassador-at-large. Admiral Philippa Georgiou of Starfleet technically won the trial by combat because she lived and therefore Klingons should agree to sign a peace treaty with the Federation. The Klingon High Council voted 12-11 in favour of a peace treaty with the vote from the House of Mo’Kai undecided. Councillor Ujilli of the House of Mo’Kai would cast his vote in favour of the peace treaty if the Federation would agree to meet in a site chosen by the Klingons within the Klingon Empire space border and Admiral Philippa Georgiou must be present for the signing of the peace treaty.</p><p>****</p><p>“No. This has to be a trap.”</p><p>“Michael…”</p><p>“Don’t Michael me. Don’t do this, Philippa. Please don’t do this.”</p><p>“I’m the Federation Ambassador-at-Large. This is literally my job. Michael, please just sit down and we can talk about this.”</p><p>“No, I don’t want to sit down and I don’t want to talk about this because you would just convince me into agreeing.” With that Michael turned on her heels and left their quarters.</p><p>Philippa sighed and could feel her own frustration bubbling beneath. They disagreed often but they never fought and Michael was genuinely angry. Philippa wasn’t upset with Michael or the situation, she was upset with herself because this felt awfully familiar, having to put duty above love. She did not know what the price of lasting peace with the Klingons would be but Philippa knew she could not hurt Michael again. Memories of the last three years resurfaced and she couldn’t stop the tears that accompanied them.</p><p>The door hissed open and shut but Michael never left their quarters. Philippa was right when she teased Michael for being driven by emotions more than logic. She wasn’t upset with Philippa but with the situation because it felt like history was going to repeat itself. Things had been so different between them since she came back from the mirror universe. They were finally together and Philippa had only been back on active duty for three months. The universe seemed to envy their happiness but Michael was ready to fight for them this time.</p><p>Michael walked back into their sleep quarter and her heart broke instantly when she saw Philippa hurriedly wiping tears from her face. She took a few quick strides and knelt down in front of her lover.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Philippa. I shouldn’t have walked off.”</p><p>Philippa shook her head and continued to wipe away her tears.</p><p>“It’s my fault, Michael. I did this to us. Again. I will inform Starfleet Command that I am not accepting the Klingons’ terms. We’ll find another way.”</p><p>At one time Michael would probably be elated that Philippa had put her above all else but Michael was not the same naïve protégé who fell hopelessly in love with her beloved captain and mentor. She was still insanely in love with Philippa but she had understood that their relationship could not be based solely on unconditional love but a balance of all forms of love. A love that could be selfish and selfless, passionate and restrained, romantic and platonic, compassionate and contentious. Something mirror Philippa said, gave her the clarity she needed.</p><p>
  <em>“For us duty and love were one of the same…to everyone we were both more devoted to the cause and always put our duty above all else but to both of us, we made that choice out of love not duty. Neither of us was willing to rob the other of living to our full potential and giving our all to a cause we believed in including our lives.” </em>
</p><p>“What I said earlier, that was my fear talking. I do believe in the same cause as you do. I want lasting peace between the Federation and the Klingons. It will be different this time because we will be doing it together every step of the way. We will plan and execute our moves together. We will talk about our fears and our doubts. If at any point either of us does not wish to continue, we will both agree to call it quit.”</p><p>“You humble me, Michael. You are wise beyond your years.”</p><p>“Did I ever tell you about my years aboard the USS Shenzhou under this amazing sagacious captain who was also my mentor? She taught me and showed me the difference between intelligence and wisdom.”</p><p>“She must be really proud of who you have become. Whatever happened to her because I would have loved to meet her.”</p><p>“She fell in love and became all soft and cuddly in her old age.”</p><p>“Michael! You’re sleeping on the couch tonight!”</p><p>Philippa pushed Michael off her knees but Michael was too fast. She pulled Philippa down onto the floor with her and captured her mouth in a deep sumptuous kiss that promised more.</p><p>“Are you going to finish what you started?” It had been five months since the first time they made love and each time the mere thought of Michael’s naked body against hers was enough to make Philippa delirious.</p><p>“Always.”</p><p>****</p><p>Michael had been right. Councillor Ujilli had planned to assassinate the Federation ambassador enroute to Khitomer, a planet near the Federation-Klingon border. Captain Michael Burnham had been able to outwit the Klingon conspirator’s at every move and exposed his treachery. Councillor Ujilli was dishonoured and his replacement voted in favour of the peace treaty.</p><p>Admiral Philippa Georgiou and her team of escort consisting of Captain Michael Burnham, Commander Ellen Landry, Commander Nhan and Lieutenant Gen Rhys met with representatives of the Klingon High Council at Camp Khitomer to begin the unprecedented full peace negotiations between the United Federation of Planets and the Klingon Empire and gave birth to the Khitomer Accords, the first peace treaty signed between the two sides that had been in hostile conflicts since the disastrous first contact made between Humans and Klingons in the mid-22<sup>nd</sup> century.  </p><p>A year after the Khitomer Accords, Philippa had been the one who surprised Michael when she took her back to the place where her parents were killed. It took Michael weeks before she could stop breaking into tears every time she looked at the ring on her finger and thought back to the day Philippa got down on one knee on Doctari Alpha and proposed in Vulcan in front of Ambassador Sarek and Lady Amanda. Philippa chose the site as a symbolic gesture of having Michael’s birth parents witness Philippa asking her foster parents for their daughter’s hand in marriage and she wanted Michael to have new memories of a place that had brought her so much pain.</p><p>Michael suggested to have their wedding in Yorktown and Commodore Afsaneh Paris presided over the ceremony, surrounded by their Starfleet family and loved ones. Admiral Katrina Cornwell never thought she would live to witness this unforgettable moment. A few members of the Klingon High Council even attended the wedding, marking the first social gathering between officials from the Federation and the Klingon Empire. The past should not be forgotten but it did not have to hold them back from building new memories for the future.</p><p>The Discovery spent the next decade and a half continuing its space exploration across the galaxy with Admiral Philippa Georgiou and Captain Michael Burnham working tirelessly towards peaceful negotiations among interstellar species. Admiral Katrina Cornwell was not wrong when she thought the two of them would be a gravitational force drawing every conceivable trouble in space but together they were a formidable team. As the years went by, Captain Michael Burnham gained a reputation as one of the greatest captains in Starfleet history, surpassing even her former mentor.  </p><p>****</p><p>Philippa and Michael had decided to visit Philippa’s hometown after her mandatory retirement.</p><p>Michael held Philippa’s hand in hers as they strolled leisurely along the beach of Pulau Langkawi. Philippa looked older and thinner, and still so breathtakingly beautiful. Michael whispered something in her ear causing the retired admiral to throw her head back and laughed delightfully.</p><p>Michael let go of Philippa’s hand and put some distance between them, then held up a camera. She started snapping photographs of Philippa as she smiled radiantly and affectionately at Michael, a gentle breeze caressing her face and blowing at her long wavy hair.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I really want to thank AO3 for providing such a wonderful website where anyone can try to write a story and engage with readers. Because it is a fanfic and based on the Star Trek: Discovery TV series, it's an easier way to start writing because there are so many references and information available on the internet, mainly the Memory Alpha Fandom site. On top of that, there are so many other fanfic stories that have already been written and are a good source of inspiration.</p><p>This has been a rewarding first writing experience for me. I know there are lots of flaws in my grammar, lack of creative writing, etc. My storyline is also all over the place because I wanted to try writing a bit about everything for learning purposes. Anyway, I am quite happy that I have managed to write 20 chapters, stuck it out and actually completed the story.   </p><p>Thank you all for reading and special thanks to all of you who left kudos and comments.</p>
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